I’m older than my boyfriend

Dear Agatha,

I have long wished to write you. I have been reading your articles on Independent Newspapers for some years now. I marvel at the way you handle issues maturely. I know it is God in you doing this great work. 

I am involved with a man I am older than by four months. We have discussed this issue and he says he’s got no problem with it. I also don’t. 

But, I still want to know if age counts when it comes to love? What is your opinion about a lady getting married to a man she is older than? 

 Miss E.C

Dear E.C.,

There is nothing wrong in a younger man marrying an older woman as long as they are both comfortable with the arrangement and in love with each other. Age is a thing of the mind. Once one is able to wrap and keep it where it belongs, doesn’t allow it become too much of a factor in one’s life and calculations, it becomes a positive partner and not a negative one.

Besides, four months age difference isn’t much of anything. However, the problems are; how you will manage the differences and how he perceives it after the early moments of falling in love.

Often than not, the challenges for the men come after the novelty of falling in love wears off. As long as he doesn’t allow certain minor things that should matter bug his mind; like comparing you with all the other younger women he comes across, developing resentment against you for no just reason, develops a mature mind to act his role as the man rather than a young man, is also respectful of your feelings, then there is nothing to be afraid of.

You on the other hand must appreciate that age or no age, he remains the head of the team. Therefore, you must never do anything to make him feel less than a man by giving him all the respect he deserves from you.

Don’t ever make the mistake of discussing his age with any of your friends or family members to protect his dignity as the man. Mischievous friends and family members, acting on the information may decide to treat him with disdain, mock him and question his motive for going into a relationship with you.

Pretending to be on a mission to protect your interest, some friends can really mess things up behind you. This is why you should never trust friends with the age of a man you are older than. Some would wonder and call your motive desperation so be careful on all fronts.

You also have to learn to be submissive; more than a woman who married an older man. The reason for this is, the older man doesn’t have the insecurity of the younger man married to an older woman.

What an older man will gloss over, the younger man may impute another reason all together to it. Although maturity has nothing to do with age, the influence of his friends on his reasoning should not be ignored by you.

Not all men have the ability to keep certain things about their women to themselves. Once the word is out that you may be older than he is, certain friends of his will never let go of the opportunity of rubbing it in.

Also learn to dress smart and accentuate your best features; it will help keep his mind focused on you.

Importantly, keep communication constant between the two of you. at all times you should know what and how he feels about you.

Managing age related issue in a marriage is like managing a temper. You must constantly work on the likely situations that might emanate from your age differences from time to time. Work yourself to become his best friend.

This you must begin from the early stage of your relationship because of the peculiarity of your relationship; by being his best friend, you give your marriage an additional reason to strive better than most. It will also keep other busybodies out of your relationship.

Above all, stop worrying about it as you can easily become paranoid about it, which will make you extremely apprehensive of any young woman around him.

The only way to avoid this is to be confident in your love for each other, in yourself as well as trust in his person and credibility. Don’t ever make the mistake of doubting his love for you. The moment you do that, you weaken the foundation of your relationship. Always entrust everything to God first.

Good luck.

Will he ever come back?

Dear Agatha, 

May God increase your wisdom in Jesus Name. After five days of fasting and prayers concerning marital issues, I met a young man who loved me as much as I loved him. But along the line we had problems and he told me off. For six months, I tried to communicate with him but my efforts were abortive. Those were the most painful moments of my life as I cried, fasted, prayed, begged him but all to no avail. I was really affected by the whole thing because he was the only man I have ever loved. 

I decided to walk away as painful as it was, since the situation looked hopeless. After him, I met a young man from a nice family but the day I went on a date with him, I had a dream warning me to wait that he wasn’t my husband. 

Lately, I met another man and I had a dream again that I should specifically go and wait for that first man, that this present one is not my husband. 

Agatha, I’m still praying concerning it but since we broke up, there had never been any communication because if I call or sms him, he will not pick my calls or reply my messages. I don’t have the intention of calling or sending him sms again. I’m really losing my patience because time isn’t on my side. 

What do I do?

Vero.

Dear Vero,

There is no greater peace like trusting in the person of God. Since you have entrusted the choice of a husband to Him, don’t despair or lose faith in His ability to do what is right.

God has never been known to be late, early; He is always on time with His promises and plans for us.

Many a time, we miss the big picture of God’s plans for us out of impatience and personal desire to get things done our way forgetting we are nobody without Him in the first place.

If you trust Him enough to pray to Him for assistance, learn to wait for His answers and will for you.

Chances are that the man He says you should wait for is on a reform journey; one he has to go through so that he can make you a very good husband.

So many times, we think we know it all; have the right answers to the situations we are going through but at the end of the day, our ways are always fraught with painful issues that leave us drained and without solutions at the end of the day.

God must love you so dearly to keep warning you against making a mistake in your choice of a husband.

Since He has identified who your husband to be is, you should change your prayer point to God touching the mind of your ex boyfriend to forgive or forget the past and come back to you.

The point is for him to appreciate the essence of having and needing a girlfriend. It will also afford you the opportunity to grow into each other and know what you both need as an item.

Don’t rush ahead of your time. Lean exclusively on the arms of God by trusting Him unconditionally.

When it is time for both of you to come together, nothing and nobody will be able to stop your union.

Also, use this time to reform your ways. If there is anything you know he has constantly complained of, he doesn’t like about you, this is the time for you to make that change.

Consider this period as a time of learning; more like being in school where time is the teacher of patience and tolerance.

Just keep praying and trusting God for guidance.

Good luck.