I live for my cousin’s love

Dear Agatha,

I’m 22 years old and a 400 Hundred Level student of Ekiti State  University.

 Throughout my days in secondary school and university, I refused to have a boyfriend simply because of my feelings for my cousin.

 My love for him is inexplicable. I’m still a virgin because my cousin has refused to touch me and he will do anything for our love. 

My dilemma is this, while I can’t date someone else, I can’t marry my cousin. I am so confused. Please, I need your help. 

Cassie.

Dear Cassie,

Don’t be confused because that is the surest way of making a wrong decision. You need to be clear headed to think and talk to your cousin about this.

The best way out of this is for both of you to sit down to first acknowledge and examine your feelings for each other.

Something must have brought it on. Unless both of you go back to the very beginning, it will be almost impossible for both of you navigate your ways out of this situation.

You won’t solve anything by denying your love for each other or using another relationship to quench your thirst for each other.

To do any of these is to merely postpone doom’s day in that it would affect the quality of relationships you have with other people. Yes, it is wrong to experience what you feel for your cousin but that cannot erase the fact that you do.

Since you are both matured enough to recognize what you feel for each other and the implications on the unity of the family, invite your cousin over for meeting in a place where you in particular will not be tempted to do something foolish.

Confess what you feel. By letting him know how you feel, you will also encourage him to talk about his feeling for you. At least, it would give him the opportunity to properly articulate his feelings towards you.

The truth here is that you could be misinterpreting his feelings, reading too much into a situation only you feel.

That he hasn’t taken advantage of what you obviously would have willingly given him shows he is more in control and absolutely reasonable. Another young man, won’t be so sensitive or reasonable. The thought of making love to you would have made him forget any considerations of your blood relationship.

This attribute of his, will help both of you become reasonable about the necessity of the decision you have to make.

At this juncture, let reality guide you in particular because you are the one who will suffer the most should anything go out of place.

Remember this isn’t just about the two of you. A lot of people too are involved; if you decide to go against the norms, the present peace and unity being enjoyed in your families will vanish; therefore factor in the pains and disappointment of all these people should you allow your feelings hold you prisoner.

In addition, keep in focus the spiritual angle of sleeping with your cousin. While some people may argue otherwise, be reminded that you have in common a set of grandparents, aunties, uncles, other cousins hence the spiritual links that must also not be tampered with.

The implication here is, if there is a health challenge in your family, rather than thin out when family members marry other people, marrying within the family only enhances such situation. Medically, it isn’t also wise to get involved with a relation.

Follow this talk with a rigid determination to let go by staying away from situations that always bring both of you together.

There are always a thousand excuses not to come home for the holidays, if he stays in the same house with you or for family gathering that will bring both of you together.

I can understand the emotional pains of letting go of someone you obviously love so much but, if you consider the fact that this is all wrong for you, you will gain the strength to let go.

In addition, you should be more friendly with suitors that come your way. You don’t have anyone apart from your cousin because you have refused to apply yourself to any other relationship.

It won’t be a bad idea after talking with him and getting a clear signal from the radar to have someone in your life whose presence will not only help you forget your lost love but also engage your time, mind and emotions on getting to know him.

At 22, you are young and able to recover fast.

Besides, you cannot really say what you feel for your cousin until you experience a relationship with another man.

Between love and hate are different kinds of emotions; some very strong and appealing. Chances are what you consider to be love for your cousin maybe infatuation following something you find compelling about him. It happens even between brothers and sisters, daughters and fathers. The woman’s mind is often drawn to that male in her family who protects her the most; who is always at her beck and call.

Without knowing how or when, she builds her emotions around him; making him her idol for life.  While some girls begin to look for their idol in every man that comes their way, some like you simply decide to shroud their feelings in the garment of love.

If at 22, you are yet to give a man outside your cousin the chance to occupy your mind or thoughts, then, you cannot be certain that love is what you really feel.

Even if it is, like I said, it is all wrong. Also ask God for assistance to make you forget your cousin.

Good luck.

Share a problem With Auntie Agatha, gataedo@yahoo.com, agatha.edo@gmail.com Tel: 08054500626