Should I trust my dreams?

Dear Agatha, 

I’m in my mid 20s while my boyfriend is precisely 30 years old. We have been dating for five years and he has never mentioned anything about us spending the rest of our lives together.

Recently, I jokingly raised the issue of marriage by lying about someone coming for my hand in marriage. 

To my pains, he said, I should bring the person to him for assessment and blessings. I was disappointed at his response. Apart from some of his siblings, nobody in his family knows about us despite the length of time we have been dating and our ages. He is a final year student of mechanical engineering and I’m a secondary school leaving certificate holder working with one of the national newspapers. 

There is this guy in my area who has been disturbing me for close to four years for a relationship. We are close and he wants me to meet with his parents as he doesn’t want a secret affair. He just got an employment letter but hasn’t started and in some of my dreams, he has been shown as my husband while my boyfriend is either introducing someone to me or giving my things to other women or telling me about his ex in my dreams

Please, Agatha, I’m confused. Help me.   

Worried Lady.

Dear Worried Lady,

If God through your dreams has revealed at various times in explicit terms who among these men is your husband; why are you still confused?

Unless of course, you don’t trust the God you serve or think the dreams are all figments of your imagination. You are among the lucky few who have this special gift to see ahead of time.

I’m sure a lot of mistakes many women make in the choice of life partners would have been averted by them if they have this kind of gift.

The issue here isn’t that you don’t know who among the men that is yours but, that you don’t trust God and His choice for you. Deep down, you appear to prefer the other man because of the number of years you have both dated; this is natural given the time you have spent with him; developing understanding into his nature and behavior. At least you can tell to certain extent what to expect from him at any given time. Unfortunately that is as far as this goes.

If you keep thinking along this line, you risk being unhappy for the rest of your life. There is always a time and season for everything.

Those dreams are not coming by accident; they are meant to guide you to making the right decision. so don’t ignore them at all.

That you have both spent five years of your lives together; doesn’t make it automatic that you would end up spending the rest of your lives together. You came into each other’s lives to learn and take something to your permanent homes. You are transit lovers who have to part to be with the people God has designed for your voyage in life. Don’t attempt to wrestle with what has been pronounced to be your destiny.

Rather than prolong the inevitable, why not take your dreams as opportunity for you to move on? The fact that he hasn’t bothered to take you to his family or talked about marriage means he isn’t as interested in you as you think.

In addition, he is yet to graduate, an indication that he still has a long way to go unlike you, who wants to get married now. He also may not want you on account of your limited education but is unwilling to tell you to avoid hurting your pride.

Relationship is one of the most complex things in life. So many things go into making it a success or failure. What works for some people may not work for others. While some men may not think your level of education a problem to them, some would consider it as the main reason they cannot marry a certain woman.

You may love him but this love may not be sufficient to make him happy with you or you for that matter over the years.

Besides, why do you think he should marry you? What kind of agreement did you both enter into when you agreed to date? Did he promise you anything other than a relationship when he came to ask you to be his girlfriend? Since you say he has never mentioned marriage; it follows that your agreement with him was a relationship.

It would therefore be wrong on your part to accuse him of not talking about marriage when he at no time gave you the impression that he had anything but relationship on his mind.

Truthfully, he hasn’t lied to you or gone back on any of his promises to you. It is you that wants more from him, read a lot of meaning into a situation you weren’t supposed to take beyond a certain point.

You are making the same mistake many women before you  made; wrong assumption that every relationship must end up in marriage irrespective of whether the man wants it or not. Life doesn’t work like that. There are some people planted in our lives to help us grow; some come with positive influences while others come with negative influences. Whatever the reason; we are supposed to learn from our experiences with such people.

That you have been able to stay with this man for five years; means you are faithful and able to tolerate situation. These are the qualities you should build on with your new man who will need your support, understanding and friendship to excel in the years ahead.

If you focus away from the marriage thing to the indelible lessons you have received without paying a penny from this relationship, you will be amazed at the rich heritage you are taking with you into your life with this new man. No experience is useless.

If your new man is offering marriage and the chance to meet with his family; the same things you want from the man you dated for five years and didn’t get, you should be happy that God is using the new man to compensate your patience and understanding.

When it comes to marriage, God has the master plan. You cannot go wrong if you depend on His decisions and choices for you in life. You may not feel this petrol kind of love for this man now, but if you give yourself the chance to be happy by getting to know him better, you will discover the treasure base that he is to you.

Like a child in the eyes of the parents, you need the help of God to navigate life better.

If you are worried that the new man is rushing you, let him know you need a little bit of time to really be sure you both want the same things from life.

Don’t fret he would be disinterested in you if you make such demands. If he is your man, he would understand even that you are not telling him. Learn not to be desperate; ask all the questions you want to ask him to reassure yourself that you are on the right track.

Above all, flow with God. If you still doubt what you are seeing in your dream, go back to Him for more directions. Like the good Father that He is, He will always talk to you in the language you understand best. The only thing is for you to trust Him implicitly and allow His will to prevail by giving this new man a chance in your life.

To make sure you end within God’s plans for you, end your relationship with the other man. Tell him you have decided to move on with the new man in your life. Don’t make the mistake of dating the two of them concurrently. Also, let your new boyfriend know about him and your relationship with him. Don’t hold anything back to prevent other people telling untrue stories about you. In addition, give him information about your educational background as well as everything else about you.

This way, both of you will be starting on a very clean and fresh slate.

Good luck.

Share a problem with Auntie Agatha gataedo@yahoo.com, agatha.edo@gmail.com Tel: 08054500626