She left me to marry another man

Dear Agatha,

I met a girl during our secondary school days. She attended a different school from me but when we met, we fell in love. 

During the time we started dating, I dedicated myself to observing her way of life as well as lifestyle; I found out to my satisfaction she was worth having as a wife. I therefore didn’t waste time to introduce her to my family. It got to a stage in our relationship she vowed never to marry another man. 

After our secondary school education we agreed that she should further her education while I go into business to enable me prepare for the future ahead of us.

With the consent and knowledge of her family members, I paid her enrollment fees.

Suddenly, she started rejecting my calls and when she manages to answer, she gives all manner of reasons for ignoring my calls.

Recently, I traveled home only to discover she is planning her wedding to someone else very soon without my knowledge.

What do I do before I do something crazy?

Hurting Man.

Dear Hurting Man,

The idea of life itself is a huge gamble. That is why some babies simply elect to go back on the day of their birth.

That you are alive is a testimony of your willingness to fight against the odds of life. Every stage and thing that happens to us in life is intended to help us move on to a better and higher level.

There is no teacher like experience. At times it comes with bitter pills but it eventually opens the way for a better choice.

Obviously you misjudged this lady and her interest in you. You were in love with her but she saw in you, an opportunity for her to move on in life.

No matter how hurt or disappointed you are, don’t do anything stupid. She isn’t worth your time and attention. At least, she didn’t allow you to waste your time and money training her through the university before dumping you for another man. Whatever you feel, still thank God for this early exit. It gives you the time and energy to pursue a more viable relationship.

However, the lesson will only make meaning if you look past your pains to what you did wrong as well as the signs you ignored in her.

Sometimes, when we are too much in love, we become careless and blind to signs we should have taken very serious.

Honestly, she wasn’t meant for you else she would never have married another man. Irrespective of the emotional pains you are going through, be glad that she didn’t wait until you are both married to manifest her true feelings towards you. Had she waited till then, it would have been very devastating for you.

See the money you have spent on her so far as one of those gambles we make in life. As a businessman, you should be used to bad investment decisions. This is one of them. Your speculation simply didn’t work. A true businessman rebounds fast so as not to collapse his investment after suffering a set back.

Move on by forgetting her. To you she has become history; a teaching aid used by nature to teach you a fundamental lesson about life and relationship. This kind of lesson is one you don’t forget in a hurry because of its importance to you.

For now, don’t rush into any relationship to enable you get the nasty feel of this experience out of your system.

Besides, having just finished secondary school, you assumed too much and took a huge risk on your future by abandoning your education for her. What makes you think you cannot combine growing your business with going to school?

Whatever her reasons for abandoning you for another man; make a resolution to make it irrelevant in your life by going to school. You will always need the power of knowledge to make your business perform better.

See her treatment of your love and support as the clarion-call for you to revalue your life and make the necessary corrections while you still have the power to.

If you cannot sit for the regular examinations, apply for a part-time programme to give you time to manage your business. The focus on your studies will help remove the thoughts of women from your mind for the time being.

By the time you are ready again to love, you will be doing it from the position of strength and maturity. You failed to notice her true character because you allowed passion to influence your decision. When you are ready for a more serious relationship, you will discover that there are more important qualities to look out for in your partner than those you played up in this relationship.

The funny thing about relationship is, even if both of you went into a written agreement, you cannot force her against her will to remain true to the promise. You cannot report her to the Police.

Don’t forget she went into this relationship of her own free will and she is walking out also of that free will.

There is nothing you can do at this point but to accept the situation as it is. Her parents you could have reported her to, are parties to her decision so allow the matter to rest. This is certainly a blessing in disguise; one you will have reasons to be grateful for.

When you find the right woman; who loves you unconditionally, you will look back at this point in your life, and bless God for His mercy.

Good luck.

Share a problem With Auntie Agatha gataedo@yahoo.com, agatha.edo@gmail.com, Tel: 08054500626