I’m pregnant for the brother of my child’s father

Dear Agatha, I once dated his younger brother while we were studying abroad. I actually had a child for him which we both agreed to put up for adoption because we were at that time ill-equipped to take on the responsibility of caring for a child. Along the line, we had to part ways when he met an ‘akata’ woman who could give him the kind of security he wanted to remain in United States. I had to move on to another country; Canada: when I got the opportunity to. I came back to the country to start a new life. During a friend’s birthday, I met this man who I got talking to. One thing led to another and we eventually started dating. Even though something about his surname sounded familiar but at 40, I considered myself lucky to attract such a man so didn’t bother to probe him or his family. Being desperate, I immediately set about getting pregnant. Luckily, I was able to get pregnant six months after our meeting. I waited for five months before telling him about the pending baby to avoid him asking me to abort the child. I am blessed with a good physic so he didn’t know I was in the family way at all. When I eventually told him, he protested my pregnancy insisting we never discussed it especially as he has a family. He said our relationship wasn’t meant to last forever but I ignored him and made my way to see his parents confident no sane person would ask me to terminate an almost six months pregnancy. It was while I was there that his younger brother walked in. I didn’t know he was back from the United States let alone aware he is the younger brother of my unborn child’s father. His presence erased any hope of the family accepting me as the second wife of their eldest son. They practically threw me out when they discovered I had a child for their younger son. They said it was abomination in their family for two brothers to sleep with the same woman let alone have children by her. They said, they didn’t want curse upon their family hence told me to go and remove the child inside of me to avoid the repercussion of having children for two brothers. They also said, if I decide to keep the child, it would be my decision, not theirs since they will never have anything to do with me and my child for life. This is why I need your help desperately. I don’t know what to do. If I give birth to this child, there is no guarantee that the father’s family will ever welcome the child. Though there is a clause in the adoption paper that we signed that when the child is 18, she will get to know who her biological parents are. How do I explain to the world that I bore my two children to two brothers? On the other hand, I am getting advanced in age by the standards of a woman’s reproductive years. What assurances that I will ever get pregnant again? I am so confused as to the path to take in my situation. Please help me as a part of me wants to keep this baby because I need it to ensure this man comes back into my life; a baby to bargain with in my latter years should in case no man comes for my hand in marriage again. Please help me. Worried Woman. Dear Worried Woman, Abortion is certainly out of the question. Whatever the consequences are, you are not allowed to take the life of that baby because you didn’t create it. You ran ahead of your legs by getting pregnant for a man you knew had a wife and who didn’t discuss you getting pregnant for him. You thought you could use the baby to trap him into marrying you; unfortunately you thought wrongly as there was never an agreement between the two of you that you were going to have a baby for him or he; marry you as his second wife. If you weren’t that desperate to marry at all cost, you should have investigated the similarities in the name of both men. This would have saved you the embarrassment of sleeping with two brothers and going to the extent of being pregnant for both of them. The choice before you is a very difficult one. This might be the last chance you have of being a mother; nobody can predict correctly what one’s destiny is in life. It gets to a point in life when one just must go against conventions and do what is right in the situatioπn one finds oneself. You have found yourself in one of those circumstances where you must tow the path of honour irrespective of what the world thinks of you. What should matter to you now is how you judge yourself at the end of the day. If you end up not having a child in life, how would you feel especially seeing your friends, siblings in company of their children? How can you terminate a pregnancy that is this advanced? You will only end up jeopardizing your own life in the process and even if you survive it, what about the state of your womb? At 40, your womb is aging and having gone through some experiences, might not be able to recover from the ordeal of an abortion. So why compromise your womb and life in the process of ending this pregnancy? At 40, you are not too young to have a baby; after all you must have thought it out thoroughly before embarking on this journey of deceit so why are you hesitant to continue what you started out with? Wasn’t this what you wanted? To have a baby for this man? The only difference here is that he won’t be around to help you with this baby as you planned. Only the living, tell tales or care for a child. Don’t forget that this child has a right to life just like you so, begin to plan for it as soon as possible because the task ahead of you is a difficult one; the kind that requires so much wisdom and determination to win. If the paternal family has rejected it, you as the mother cannot. The child is your responsibility to care for because you owe it life, care and love. The fact that you didn’t intentionally sleep with the two brothers is enough reason for you to go on. Even though you had the feelings, given the similarities in their names, you met them differently and had no way of knowing they were brothers. No matter what, always remember and never take it out on the child. As for the curse, once you anchor your faith in God, holding Him to every word He has spoken concerning you, you will overcome at the end of the day. You won’t be the first woman to find herself in this kind of mess but since you didn’t sleep with the two brothers intentionally, your case is understandable. Your only fault here is, your cunningness to entrap the man into a marriage he didn’t bargain for. You knew he was not in search for a second wife. Even if he wanted a second wife, you still should have discussed the issue of pregnancy with him before getting pregnant. Besides, at your age, you ought to know that there is more to marriage than a boy meeting a girl. As for the child you gave up for adoption at birth, it might not be so easy to get her back so this child might just be all that you have at the end of the day. Good luck.