I want to die because I’m ugly

Dear Agatha, I am frustrated, unhappy and inclined towards suicide. Right from the beginning of my life, classmates and so called friends have called me ugly. Not even my siblings want to be seen with me because of my looks. The only people who are my friends, are my parents and two of my childhood friends who never joined all the others to pronounce me ugly. Throughout my university days, I didn’t have any serious date. The few that came my way, I ignored because I knew they wanted my body. There was one, a very popular boy then who wanted to be my friend. I knew he just wanted to mock me like most boys back then so I drove him away. I am 29 years now. My younger sister, my chief tormentor got married two years ago; the one following her got married two Saturdays ago I want everything a young woman wants but I have no man in my life because I am too ugly. My ugliness drove me into eating junks just to be happy. Now I have also added a lot of weight. I want to be happy. Agatha, my life is miserable that I feel ending it all would be a good solution. Sometimes I wonder why God created me this way. Why are others pleasing to the eyes and I not? I am not supposed to be his image? He isn’t ugly so why did he create me ugly? It hurts when my sisters and their friends gossip about my looks behind me. Even though my mother and the few friends keep telling me I am beautiful, that I have a good heart, the best smile, eyes and manner, I know they are trying to make me happy. I just want someone to talk to and I know you have a compassionate heart through your replies to problems people share with you. Thanks for the opportunity to share this with you. Ronke. Dear Ronke, Your letter brought tears to my eyes and I felt really bad when I discovered I had deleted your contact after downloading your story. It would have been a real privilege to have you bestow that wonderful smile of yours on me. I wonder what you mean by being ugly. Everything God created is wonderful and represents a part of Him. No man or woman created by God is ugly or a mistake. We are each wired with a part of Him. Anyone who therefore condemns you is condemning the one who created you and gave you the features people are today branding ugly. Don’t ever forget that. God never makes a mistake and always have a particular reason for doing things in a particular way. Besides, only those who survive life’s stormy ride can truly appreciate the essence of God. This is because life is itself a jungle of the good, bad and ugly. Trust me. you don’t need friends or family members who are sightless and insensitive. You are better off without all these people around you. A friend’s worth is measured by the amount of support he or she is willing to offer his or her friend. Besides, it is also wrong to premise your happiness on the views and attitude of other people. That is giving them too much power over your life. You have as much right to be happy as they have because you are also the child of God like they are. So why bother yourself with what a person like you thinks about you? Why give them authority to define when you are to be happy or not? Why make yourself miserable simply because of someone’s twisted definition of what beauty is? Stop arming your enemies with more weapons to hurt you. Like I said, life is a jungle and everyone is looking for ways to survive in it. Some people specialize in putting others down to get up; while there are others positioned to help people stand up. The latter group is the one you should look for; people God has positioned in your life to help you colour it with the best and brightest colours. There are no absolutes when it comes to the definition of beauty or ugliness. A lot of time, it depends on the perception of who is interpreting. If someone who is vain, lacks depth and frivolous; is defining beauty, chances are the person will talk about physical beauty while a more matured and practical minded person will give emphasis to that inner and everlasting kind of beauty. The beauty that never ages, fades or goes askew. This is the kind that you have; one that is ever lasting. There are different kinds of beauty; one that is loud and could be ruined with the wrong attitudes and character. This is generally classified as perishable beauty. It doesn’t last at all because the person lacks the inner strength and wisdom to carry it into full maturity. There are those who are beautiful inside and outside; who don’t bargain, oppress or insult others with their beauty. There are those whose beauty are like light, they practically glow from inside, radiate hope and offer instant encouragement to those going through tough situations in life. These are the people with the real beauty. This is the category you fall into. They have priceless hearts and are often the kinds of people others entrust with their lives. You have been unable to realize who you really are because you silhouette yourself in the views of others. This is why you think you are unworthy of the attention of a good looking man; that no man wants you for who you are but what he can get from you. Sincerely, you haven’t been fair to yourself and all those men who offered to be your friend. You acted like all those people with attitude problem. There is nothing wrong with you except what you have allowed yourself to think. Rather than give them something to talk about by killing yourself, follow your dream and work on your self esteem. Begin by discovering who you are. There are many people out there like me, who turned life’s disadvantages to advantages. Today, I am a counselor because of the challenges I experienced in my marriage early in life. A lot of people mocked me when I first started this page but I refused to be cowed by their nuisances because I knew they cannot live my life for me. I have every reason to thank God for entrusting me with something so priceless. Today, I am a very happy and fulfilled woman and my husband, the best in the world. I couldn’t have asked for someone better. Had I listened to the crowd then, I would have missed it all; rested this page and hide forever. There is no one without a story to tell or challenge of some sorts. The trick is to stand and ask yourself this important question: who did God sort permission from before creating you? If He didn’t, why are you seeking the approval and permission of others to be happy? You are too much of a good thing to waste away simply because some people want to play God in your life. Get out of that sorry chair of yours, shake off the excess fat you don’t need and put on that enduring smile of yours to announce to the world that you are ready to take your place. Shove aside those sisters of yours: with sisters like that; you don’t need enemies in your life. Do the same thing with those people who think being physically beautiful is everything. Always remember the world doesn’t pay attention or bother with people who have no future. The fact that people are going out of their way to ensure you never remember to be happy means, they know you have something extra special which they don’t want you to discover. If you kill yourself, you will only be serving their purpose; so perish the thoughts of suicide from your mind. Instead, create and define your happiness by going into what you like to do best. If you have forgotten what your dreams are, take a trip down memory lane; to that time when you wanted to be something. It is a simple matter of self discovery. Once you key into it, you will discover how beautiful and exciting life can be. Please, if you are in Lagos, do come to our corporate office to pay me a visit. I really want to be part of your life. Good luck.