My foul temper is becoming my bane

Dear Agatha, I am a single mother who had issues with the father of my child. I talked to him rudely when I perceived he wasn’t serious about committing himself to his child and I. Irrespective of his faults, the foulness of my anger made us split. I started another relationship which has also packed up because of the same foul anger. I was rude and like in my previous relationship, talked rudely to this one too. He also couldn’t handle it and left. How can I deal with this as it is affecting me badly? Temperamental Woman. Dear Temperamental Woman, Anger is a deadly spirit which if not contained can destroy one’s life forever. Particularly for a woman, anger can become her bane in life. Nothing and nobody will ever favor her because of it. This is because a woman is structured by God to be cool in temperament. Granted, the tongue of the average woman is faster than her brain, monumental anger as you have described can destroy her completely. No man, no matter how much he loves a woman, will ever be able to keep her in his life as a result of the many damaging things her anger can cost him. If you are not careful, you will never get a man who will keep you in his house. Since you have come to the realization that you have a terrible temper, your battle is half won. The concern now is to find out why you have such a terrible temper. Does it run in your family; something you might have inherited from your mother or father? What kind of temper does your mother or women in her family have? Is there someone in your family tree with that kind of bad temper? If you cannot recall anyone, ask your mother if still alive or anyone who should know. If there is someone with your kind of temper, investigate how he or she ended. Importantly, is how the person managed the temper. If the person is still alive, strive to meet with the person to unearth how the person came about it. And if it is a general family trait, you need to break it fast else you will be the worst for it. One thing about such foundational problem is, it picks one person from every generation to deal with the most. Since you are already suffering from the damaging consequences if the outcome of your relationships is anything to go by, you need more than prayers to defeat it. You need a very strong deliverance because the spirit of anger can cut short one’s joy or life for that matter. It will continue to deprive you of life’s joy so much so, it will make people who should ordinarily help you, keep you at a safe distance. Nobody wants to be messed up. As you are already experiencing, you will continue to forfeit promising relationships because of it. The father of your child would have married you but for this temper of yours. It can be scary not knowing what you would do or say when caught in the web of anger. Every man desires security and respect from his wife at all times. You need a strong deliverance pastor to make it pass over you so you don’t end your life as a single mother. If yours is an isolated case, when did you notice it? As a child, what kind of temperament did you have? How many friends do you have? If you never had it as a child, something must have happened way back to necessitate it. It could be a disappointment or suppressed anger you didn’t allow to take its full course. Can you remember anything that occured to make you want to constantly lash out on the society, your friends and family? Can you recall what in particular stimulates your anger? Have you ever tried to fight the urge to control your temper? Is your anger only targeted at the men in your life? How do you relate with your siblings, family members or friends? You must learn whenever you are angry, is to walk away from any situation that will make you lose your temper. Ask for the grace to fight it. Walking out on your boyfriend immediately you sense an unpleasant situation brewing, will help you put a latch on your temper. If you must react, do it when you are alone. Shout at an empty room, break something if that will help but, make sure you don’t have an audience. With the kind of temper you described, you have to channel it somewhere, something intangible, like a throw pillow, even a wine glass thrown at the wall can reduce a very nasty temper. It is simply a matter of you controlling your temper and not it telling you what to do. Also learn to apologise when you are calm to the people you hurt when angry. Beg for help and understanding in managing your anger from your friends and family. Let them appreciate that you are making efforts to fight your problem and that it is something you cannot do on your own without their help. Once you are able to convince one person to stand by you, that person will become your advocate, pleading with others to tolerate you. Whatever your challenge may be; keep praying for help from above to end it. It is a matter of you being determined to fight your temper if not for your sake but, for that child of yours you love so much. That child must not grow up to emulate your kind of temper. Good luck