He’s still attached to his ex

Dear Agatha, I am in love with a man whom I think doesn’t feel the same way about me. He rarely calls; always claiming to be busy. I just found out that he is still dating his former girlfriend because she threatened to deal with him if he thinks of leaving her. The lady is connected in his college. He is in his final year in medical school. He says I should tolerate the situation until he graduates when he will be able to cut the bond between him and this lady. I am contemplating forcing him to choose between the two of us because he can’t eat his cake and have it. What do you think? I am 21. He is all I want in a man. I really love him, but I want to be careful, so that it doesn’t appear as if I am selling myself cheaply to him. Worried Girl. Dear Worried Girl, What kind of influence does this lady have over him? Why should the fact that she is well connected and in a position to spoil things for him bother him? Or does she have information about him that is capable of damaging his entire dream of becoming a medical doctor? If this is the case, even if he graduates from the college of medicine, this woman has the advantage of using her information to destroy him either now or in the future. The implication is; unless she is tired of him, ready to move on with another man, your boyfriend will never be free to have a life of his own. This is why you should be curious to know why he feels incapable to move on with you now. He has to take you into confidence, tell you the choices before you, if you elect to endure the situation with the other woman. Make him understand that enduring the situation isn’t the big challenge for you, but you knowing why you are doing it. In addition, the power the other woman seems to hold over him must be very strong for him to go back to her after approaching you for a relationship. Refusing to discuss or acknowledge it will definitely affect the quality of your relationship in the future. He simply has to learn to trust you with the nature of their relationship. As for you staying, the decision is yours to make. It is your life and your dream. While some relationships are worth fighting for, others are simply not worth it. Our experiences in life incubate patience as well as our maturity in handling certain personal matters. At 21, what kind of experiences do you have to play second fiddle to another woman in the attention of your man? What makes you think he has the qualities you need in a man to be happy? Have you the maturity to look beyond his appearance to his nature as a man? Good looks alone don’t paint a relationship with the colours of success. It takes more than the qualities you think he has to give a woman the drive to make a relationship work. One thing is non-negotiable: respect. No matter where a man is, who he is with, he must at all times revere the woman in his life. If at this early stage in your relationship, he doesn’t feel the excitement to call, know how you are faring, what would happen when your relationship has developed into a pattern? This is one sign for the woman with a discerning mind to ponder on. A woman’s best days are wrapped in her relationships, when men court her attention and interest. If you are the one running round the clock to attract his attention, then you might want to consider what this relationship would feel some years down the road. No matter how busy a man gets, the thought of his new relationship overshadows everything. The fact that he gives the excuse of being busy not to call you means you are not exactly the prime person on his scale of preference. That means there is another person in his life who occupies that important place. You therefore have the option of staying and enduring whatever you get from him or leaving him to find happiness somewhere else. Relationship is about joint ideas or dreams. He may be your ideal man, but he has to be convinced that you are his ideal lady. That is the only time you can enjoy this relationship. Whatever you are doing now without this man being sure that you are worth the risk or sacrifice, you may not get the best of him and this relationship. Like I said, the choice is ultimately yours to stay or not. Good luck!