I’m four months older

With Agatha Edo, Email: womaneditor@independentngonline.com, gataedo@yahoo.com or agatha.edo@gmail.com Dear Agatha, I have long wished to write you. I have been reading your articles on Independent Newspapers for some years now. I marvel at the way you handle issues maturely. I know it is God in you doing this great work. I am involved with a man I am older than by four months. We have discussed this issue and he says he’s got no problem with it. I also don’t. But I still want to know if age counts when it comes to love? What is your opinion about a lady getting married to a man she is older than? Miss E.C Dear E.C., There is nothing wrong in a younger man marrying an older woman as long as they are both comfortable with the arrangement and in love with each other. Age is a thing of the mind. Once one is able to wrap and keep it where it belongs, doesn’t allow it become too much of a factor in one’s life and calculations, it becomes a positive partner and not a negative one. Besides, four months age difference isn’t much of anything. However, the problems are; how you will manage the differences and how he perceives it after the early moments of you both falling in love. Often than not, the challenges for the men come after the novelty of falling in love wears off. As long as he doesn’t allow certain minor things that should matter bug his mind; like comparing you with all the other younger women he comes across, developing resentment against you for no just reason, develops a mature mind to act his role as the man rather than a young man, is also respectful of your feelings, then there is nothing to be afraid of. You on the other hand must appreciate that age or no age, he remains the head of the team. Therefore, you must never do anything to make him feel less than a man by giving him all the respect he deserves from you. Don’t ever make the mistake of discussing his age with any of your friends or family members to protect his dignity as the man. Mischievous friends and family members, acting on the information may decide to treat him with disdain, mock him and question his motive for going into a relationship with you. Pretending to be on a mission to protect your interest, some friends can really mess things up behind you. This is why you should never trust friends with the age of a man you are older than. Some would wonder and call your motive desperation so be careful on all fronts. You also have to learn to be submissive; more than a woman who married an older man. The reason for this is, the older man doesn’t have the insecurity of the younger man married to an older woman. What an older man will gloss over, the younger man may impute another reason all together to it. Although maturity has nothing to do with age, the influence of his friends on his reasoning should not be ignored by you. Not all men have the ability to keep certain things about their women to themselves. Once the word is out that you may be older than he is, certain friends of his will never let go of the opportunity of rubbing it in. Also learn to dress smart and accentuate your best features; it will help keep his mind focused on you. Importantly, keep communication constant between the two of you. at all times you should know what and how he feels about you. Managing age related issue in a marriage is like managing a temper. You must constantly work on the likely situations that might emanate from your age differences from time to time. Work yourself to become his best friend. This you must begin from the early stage of your relationship because of the peculiarity of your relationship; by being his best friend, you give your marriage an additional reason to strive better than most. It will also keep other busybodies out of your relationship. Above all, stop worrying about it as you can easily become paranoid about it, which will make you extremely apprehensive of any young woman around him. The only way to avoid this is to be confident in your love for each other, in yourself as well as trust in his person and credibility. Don’t ever make the mistake of doubting his love for you. The moment you do that, you weaken the foundation of your relationship. Always entrust everything to God first. Good luck