How do I know I’m courting the right person?

With Auntie Agatha, gataedo@yahoo.com, agatha.edo@gmail.com, Tel: 08054500626 Dear Agatha, First, I acknowledge the maturity you always demonstrate in handling people’s problems. May God give you more grace. I am a born-again child of God and want every thing about me to be done right. I am 27 years old and will be graduating in December this year. I want to find out whether what is happening to me is normal. I don’t have any plan for marriage and don’t have any girl friend. I am waiting upon the Lord for the right time and right person. All of a sudden, there is this loneliness within me and my joy no longer complete. These days, I feel I need a life partner. Is this feeling a sign that the time has come for me to look for a partner? If it is time, how can I be convinced if I find the right person? What is the courtship like? I need your help. Aondohemba. Dear Aondohemba, What is happening to you is perfectly normal. Right from the beginning of creation God created us a pair. You are only following a path laid down by the Creator. So don’t fret. You are old enough and at the age when this strong thirst for a companionship of the opposite sex is at its strongest. No matter our religious affiliations, a time comes in a person’s life when love is required to peep it up. It is primordial. We have been wired from our manufacturer’s table to be part of someone’s life. Once we get to that age, nothing we do or say will prevent us from longing for it. Unless of course, those sworn to celibacy and have made up their minds to remain single for the rest of their lives, the rest of humanity once the set time comes, the alarm bell goes off. For most people, the human biological heat alarm is set to trigger once we begin the journey into our teenage-hood. Your alarm bell is ringing loudest; because at 27 you should by now be considering who would share your life, have your children. Because this journey requires a lot of thoughts and reconsiderations in the process of arriving at the final decision, you must first have a very clear idea of where you are going. This way, it cuts down by half the confusion of finding and knowing the right girl for the position of a helpmate in your life. As one, born again, I am sure, the church must have told you some of the things to look out for in a woman: her behaviour, attitude and disposition towards things in life. Granted these are things you cannot determine at first sight, but having a picture of the kind of woman will help you recognise that something extra in a woman you are meeting for the first time. The eyes are said to be the gateway to the soul. There is usually an aura that follows every one of us about. In repose, the face can tell a lot about one’s attitude; no matter how good an actor one is, a person’s nature can be judged almost correctly in the first few early minutes of a conversation. The rest is usually an act put up by a conniving mind to deceive the other party into a hurried decision. So one thing is to pay detailed attention to the attitude and truth in the eyes as well as facial expression of the woman you are interested in those few first minutes of your conversation with her. The second thing is to offer her friendship. Avoid the mistake of telling a woman you love her at first sight. It is always advisable to offer the platform of friendship. Amity offers an intending couple the opportunity to observe each other at close quarters. It exposes the pair a chance to expose each other to peculiar weaknesses, strength, and temperament, state of mind, way of thinking and all the other tidbits in the other person’s character. The exclusion of sex makes it easier for a dating couple to be very honest about their limits. Also, it makes forgiveness easy to give and obtain just as it enables trust and understanding effortlessly in the relationship. It also makes it possible for a man and woman to look beyond the physical look into the heart of the person. In addition, you must be determined and clear minded about demands being made on the other person. What you cannot tolerate, don’t expect your woman to. There is no stopping the inevitable. Go before God to ask for help in finding the right woman. As long as you have the understanding that nobody is perfect, mistakes are part of human nature. It won’t be so difficult to integrate with another human being. Courtship is a time for a man and woman to set sentiments aside for practical solutions as well as approach to issues. When it comes to the matter of decision on a life partner, be true to yourself; this way, you save yourself a lifetime of pains and horror. The challenge, the marriage institution is facing comes from the refusal of young men and women to look at things from the practical point of view. Most couples marry on the strength of the spur of the moment without giving adequate thoughts as well as considerations to the wear and tear of two strangers living together. Thirsty as you are to connect with a woman; be careful you don’t end up making the mistake a young butterfly makes in front of a lizard. This is a journey that will end only when death occurs; so a lot of care must be given to your search to find the right woman. Trust God and be truthful to yourself from the beginning. Good luck.