Married man with seven children wants to marry me

Agatha, gataedo@yahoo.com, agatha.edo@gmail.com, Tel: 08054500626 Dear Agatha, There is this man who wants to marry me. He is married with seven children. I am confused as to whether to marry him or not. He is the one responsible for my education and is paying my house rent. Precious. Dear Precious, Every marriage has its purpose. As a young lady, what would be your reason for wanting to marry a man who has a wife with seven children? Are you marrying him for love or because he is a means to an end? Could it also be that you have given up on yourself and life; thinking that without him you will never be able to get another man? Have you considered the fact that a covenant of life everlasting exists between this man and his wife? That marriage is an agreement between a man and woman; that a third party has no place in it? What would be your gain if you decide to marry this man with his large family? What gender of a child do you want to give birth to that his wife hasn’t given him already? This is why you should think twice before taking a step you will forever regret in life. As a young lady, don’t you have positive plans for your future? Beyond this man paying your school fees and providing you with a roof over your head, what kind of life are you expecting from him? Isn’t marriage supposed to be a source of joy and companionship to the partners? Marriage is a wonderful, sacred and precious gift from God, which must be protected at all costs. The real issue here is that you lack knowledge of your essence in life. Without you having a clear vision of who you are, what you seek to achieve in life, you will never be able to identify who is good for you. It is the lack of this clear cut vision that has forced you into this situation where you allow a married man with seven children pick up the responsibility of sending you to school and housing you. Even if you don’t want to do it, the very fact that he has assumed the duties of educating you has given him the right to demand for such privileges from you. The thing is not whether he is right or not to demand it of you but, of you knowing what you want at the end of the day. No matter your challenge in life, you took the wrong steps by allowing a married man pay your school fees. Honestly, if he insists you marry him, you are to blame. You cannot dine with the devil without being friends with him. When you agreed to accept money from him, you should have known this day would come when he would want to reap where he has invested. It is just that you won’t be the only one to suffer from this greed of yours. His innocent wife and children will be at the receiving end too. This is why you must resist the urge to make a more foolish decision of marrying him. To make things clearer for you at this confusing stage of your life, pause to think, what do you want from life? What kind of man do you think will help you bring your dreams to reality? Do you think without this man in your life, you won’t be able to make it in life? Yes, you may feel under obligation to marry him given the fact that he is paying your fees but given the fact that he is the husband of another woman and he has seven children, do you think it is wise? Have you stopped to wonder at the kind of husband and father he is? Why would he want to marry another woman after the woman in his house has given him seven children? Even if he is so buoyant, there is a want in his family the money he is spending on you can take care of. If he were your father, how would you feel if he brings in another woman to compete with your mother? Better still, in the woman’s shoes how would you feel if after giving a man seven children, he finds a replacement for you no matter what your shortcomings are? Since you will definitely want to have your own children after marriage, do you think he has the ability to care for all of you adequately? Do you think his wife and children will sit by and watch you take over their space, father and his resources? And do you think he will continue to care for you after your relationship becomes official? Do you realise that the same reason he is giving for wanting you for a second wife can be raked up by him in later years to justify his reasons for bringing in another woman as third wife? Once a man has the tendency to add another woman to his first wife, he is just as capable of adding several women to the list. Marriage is a journey of several turns, tumbles and crashes. There is no perfect person or couple. There is nothing that is wrong in his present marriage he cannot fix if he is determined. Going into a relationship and asking you to marry him is only an excuse to escape reality. Besides, after having that many children, do you think yours will make any difference to the number he already has? The responsible and sensible thing is for you to call a halt to this relationship. Not just ending it but stopping him from being responsible for everything concerning you. You are a woman; how would you feel if your husband suddenly comes home one day to announce he is marrying a younger and educated woman? For him to be paying your school fees, it means the other woman isn’t educated and now that things are looking up for him, he wants a younger and educated woman. Deep down how will you feel if you are this woman who is about to be discarded like a used tissue for a younger woman? Whatever condition she is in now that has made her very unattractive to him, he helped put her in that condition. There is no way a woman who has been to the labour room seven times would look young and supple. The stress of seven pregnancies and attendant trauma of childbirth must have taken its tolls on her body. Whatever his grouse against her maybe, life for a woman with seven children can’t be a tea party. She needs the help of her husband to make a success of all her roles in life. Rather than source for you, responsibility demands that he stay with the situation he has helped to create in the woman’s life and not find solace in the arms of another woman. For your own sake, have the guts to end it all. Beg him to forgive you and to let you go. Be clear that you don’t want to destroy another woman’s home. Apologise to him for accepting money from him all the years you did. Ask mutual friends to appeal to him on your behalf. And importantly, go to God for help. It is better you offend him than his wife and the children you are already offending by being in his life. Time and resources he should have spent on them, go to you. If he doesn’t allow you go after appealing to him, refuse to pick his calls or entertain him to pass across your message of being serious with your decision. There will always be a friend who wants to share your accommodation or move in with someone looking for a roommate. It will cut down your expenses by half. Begin to make plans for yourself and unwittingly your future. Hard work doesn’t kill. Get yourself a job or go into buying and selling to pay your way through the remaining years you have left in school. There can never be happy endings in life without doses of discomfort and bitter pills. What will be your story if you don’t struggle to attain a certain goal in life? Good luck