My pastor says my mother-in-law is a witch

With Agatha Edo , Email: womaneditor@independentngonline.com, gataedo@yahoo.com or agatha.edo@gmail.com , 08054500626 Dear Agatha, I have been married for eight years and have three daughters. Right from the very first day my husband took me home to his mother, she didn’t and has never liked me. I also didn’t feel any need to pretend about my feelings towards her. Because of this, she is determined that her son takes on another woman who is from their village. I know this because after my third daughter, my husband started to behave strangely. His mother didn’t bother to come to help me with the baby as she did with the first two children. Although my husband hasn’t said anything about bringing in the other woman but I went to see a pastor who said my inability to conceive since having my third daughter almost three years ago has to do with my mother-in-law whom he described as a witch. According to him, she is the reason I have been unable to conceive again. He said she didn’t want me to have a male child for her son hence has tied my womb up. He said I should never allow her sleep in my house again because each time she comes to stay, she always deposits some substances in the atmosphere in and around my home. I was so angry that the next time she came, I refused to allow her spend the night. Since my husband wasn’t home, it was easy for me. In the process of insisting that she doesn’t come into my home and resisting her attempts to sit down to wait for her son, my hand hit her. She knew it was an accident but she told my husband that I beat her up in addition to calling her a witch and being responsible for my inability to conceive after our third child. Because of this, my husband is asking I pack out of my home. I have tried pleading with everybody close to him to beg him but he remains adamant. Please help me. I don’t want to lose my home at all. I am willing to take back all I said if only to stop him from throwing me away and frustrating his mother’s dream of giving him another woman. I don’t have anyone to turn to. Please help me. Confused Wife. Dear Confused Wife, In the first place why would you prevent a mother from visiting her son and grandchildren? If she were a witch, would she allow you have children at all in that house? What kind of struggle did you get into with her that made your ‘accidental hitting’ appear like beating? How would you feel if your mother comes home with the story of your brother’s wife not allowing her into the house of her son? Even if you are responsible for the rent and up keep of the home, disallowing your mother-in-law into your home is the height of disrespect to your husband. No insult can be more grievous than struggling to prevent her from coming into your home. This woman had it within her powers to prevent your marriage to her son from the very first time he brought you home. If indeed she is a witch, she would have done anything possible to ensure the wedding never took place. That itself should have told you that fate and not her is responsible for your female children and that when the time comes for you to have a male child, you will. Our life is set in stages. Any attempt to hasten the conclusion of one stage, often than not, ends in a huge mess. No matter what your mother-in-law did to you, struggling with her not to come into her son’s house was very wrong. You don’t have any defense or excuse for what you did. The issue here is, can you struggle with your own mother the way you did with her? Can you tell your mother not to come into your house or tolerate a situation where your husband tells your mother not to come into his house? No matter what this pastor said to you concerning her, you should have applied wisdom in handling the matter. Besides, all the while you have been married to her son, how many times has she brought another woman into your house to introduce as your husband’s second wife? Mothers who are serious about their sons taking another wife usually take it upon themselves to source and marry another woman for their sons. Allowing you to stay in her son’s house eight years without attempting to physically force you out points you more to your marital problems than your mother-in-law or husband. The truth of the matter is that you have been brainwashed yourself into believing that she doesn’t like you at all. The fact that you also have daughters makes you so apprehensive that you are willing to think the worse of your mother-in-law. She may not have come to help with your last child based on your attitude towards her. Her attitude towards you all these years may have been instigated by your own open antagonism towards her. Chances are if you made the effort of being friends with her, her attitude towards you may have thawed all these years. Whatever name she is called, she remains the mother of your husband who is the father of your children. There is no divorcing her presence from the life of your husband or your children for that matter. If she is a witch, it means your husband’s mother and your children’s grandmother is a witch. In one way or the other, you are related to a witch. Would you dare brand your mother a witch? So which approach is better; praying for her to have a change of heart or fighting her because she is a witch? Lets assume the pastor is correct that she is a witch; how would fighting her change her or prevent you from having a male child? If anything, you have simply compounded your case and given her a good reason to vacate you and bring the other woman, if there is any, into the house. When visions or prophecies are relayed; they are meant by God to help influence our attitude towards certain things or people. Wisdom demands that when these issues concern our family members, we tread with caution at all times. If your husband is ever going to listen to you, only his mother can make him change his mind about you. I appreciate it might be a little difficult getting her to listen to you but a lot depends on how desperate you are about keeping your home. Get people from your family to go first and apologise to your mother-in-law on your behalf. The agenda should not be to beg her to intervene on your behalf but to plead with her to forgive you. This is absolutely important so that your children will have a say in their father’s house. When a woman marries, she doesn’t marry the husband alone; rather she is married to everybody in the man’s family. You must learn to treat your mother-in-law with respect; the kind you show your mother. At all times, a woman must appreciate the woman who gave birth to the man she calls husband and love of her life. You should remember that there can never be your husband without this woman you loathe so much. Follow it up by going to her yourself with gifts items to make peace with her. Cry and do anything including sending her grandchildren to plead with her but, ensure she forgives you. This is because you need the platform to make peace with your husband. This should be in addition to praying to God for mercy. Once you are able to get the mother to even listen to you, it will be a lot easier to settle the rift in your home. There is no way your husband won’t listen to his mother’s plea that he takes you back. Good luck