My girl’s ex humiliates her everywhere…

With Auntie Agatha, gataedo@yahoo.com, agatha.edo@gmail.com, Tel: 08054500626 Dear Agatha, I want to start by appreciating you. I am seeking help for my girlfriend. Before she met me, she was dating this man who got her pregnant. He refused to do the honourable thing of marrying her in addition to abandoning her and the child. The strangest thing is that he beats her whenever he sees her, and collects whatever amount of money he finds on her by force. The latest is taking away her phone. The most amazing thing is the attitude of her parents who say she deserves the kind of treatment she is getting from the man. Emeka. Dear Emeka, Unfortunately, she is making another costly mistake by not ending that relationship properly before going into a new one. The fact that the father of her child can come and go in her life as he pleases is itself a danger to her and whosoever is in her life. That man is no over her, the relationship is only pending. They must come together to discuss the future as it concerns both of them and the child. This situation will persist until they both have the maturity to sit down and discuss the future of their child. She has to fight for her freedom from this man who appears determined to make her life a living hell. This is something you cannot do unless she prompts it. The only time you can is when your interest in her becomes official and common knowledge to everybody. In the interim, encourage her to stand up to this man and procure her freedom if she wants to be completely free of the mistake she made in the past. This she can do by either involving the Police or telling him to his face that she has had enough of being bullied. The fact that she has a child for the man doesn’t give him the right to humiliate her at every opportunity unless of course there is something about that relationship she isn’t telling you. Obviously this man is a bad mistake in all ramifications. But unless there is something behind the story, he has no right to beat her up whenever he sees her without her doing something to protect herself. It isn’t a normal reaction. The normal thing would have been for her to confront the man and ensure he is made to suffer the consequences of his actions. That she is taking it with docile resignation means there is more to this story. This is the juncture she tells you all there is about her relationship with the former man with a view of getting re-organising her life as well as helping her mend the relationship with her parents. Her parents’ seemingly strange behaviour may not be unconnected with the kind of attitude or things she said to them when the relationship with the other man started. Chances are that her parents warned her against the man. As the new man in her life, this is where your help is needed to make things right for all of them. Go to her parents and find out why they aren’t doing anything to prevent the humiliation of their daughter by this man. Listen to their story to enable you know how you can help mend fences between her and her parents. This is important to both of you. Every parent wants the best for his or her child. They are naturally disappointed at her choice and conduct. Their attitude is to help her come to her senses and teach her how to prioritise things in life. Seeing you will go a long way in changing their attitude towards her. Furthermore, help her put the past behind her by going back to school, if she dropped out of school to have this child or begin something to support herself and child. This is important because life is a maze of uncertainties, what appears to good today may develop a favour you are no longer comfortable with in the later days. By helping her be on her feet again, you would have given her a new life, something worthwhile to hold on to for life. God may have brought you to her life to assist her in giving new definition to everything that concerns her life. For now be the friend she needs to restore her life to what it was intended to be from the beginning. Good luck.