Her husband threatens divorce over my calls…

With Auntie Agatha, gataedo@yahoo.com, agatha.edo@gmail.com,Tel: 08054500626 Dear Agatha, Please I need your help. My ex-girlfriend is married with children likewise me, but the fact is that I’m still in love with her. I still send her text messages and call her frequently. The big problem now is that her husband is threatening to divorce her unless she stops picking my calls. Please advise me on what to do, should I stop calling her or ignore her husband’s threat to divorce her? Sunny. Dear Sunny, What are you trying to do? Wreck her home? If she was very precious to you, why did you let her go when you had your chance to marry her? In her husband’s shoes, how would you feel if your wife’s ex keeps calling her? Is it that you are out for revenge or you don’t have respect for this woman’s home? Whatever your reasons are, it isn’t love, because if what you really feel for her is true love, you will do everything humanly possible to protect her home and marriage. Love is caring, sensitive and selfless. There is no denying the fact that what you feel for this lady isn’t any of these. If you care for her, you would be concerned for her happiness and security in her home. You would have long disappeared from the scene to give her and her family the chance to be happy together. Even if she desires to forget you, your calls and messages aren’t making it easier for her to forget. The fact that you both once dated and a part of her appears to miss what you both shared, your presence in her life will never make her let go. This is where a matured and very sensitive man would walk away completely from her. The more you stay around her, the more complex you are making things in her marriage. She needs all the time and concentration in the world to make her marriage work. You are certainly a distraction to everything a marriage stands for. You obviously are selfish and callous-the kind of person who is so wrapped up in his world to care what becomes of others. The fact that you are even contemplating ignoring her husband’s warning about divorcing her is indeed an indication that you care only about yourself. Even though the woman in question is acting foolish by taking your calls, you should at least be more matured in this matter. On the whole, it appears you lack knowledge of what marriage is all about. No marriage survives with a third party in it. You are the third party in their marriage, a huge factor threatening the peace and harmony of another mind. Unfortunately the time you would have deployed into making your marriage work; apparently, your marriage isn’t working: you are investing into reviving something that died the day you both went your different ways. This is a clear testimony that, you also lack respect for your own wife and marriage. A man who reverences his home and wife would never do anything to hurt another couple. Rather than waste precious time trying to date another man’s wife, who not sit back and look for the missing links in your own marriage? That your mind appears fixed on your ex, means a lot of things are currently missing in your marriage and life. This is the time for you to take a look at all the things you want and are not getting from your marriage and the woman in your life. Start by asking yourself what is so compelling about the other woman that makes her evergreen in your memory? Do you know what these are? If you don’t, why not seek answers now before you destroy two marriages? Even if you don’t cherish your marriage, why not do it for the sake of your ex, the one you claim to love? There is no marriage without its challenges. Yours can only vanish if you apply yourself to making it work against the many odds confronting your persons. There is no arguing the fact that our hearts sometimes chase after something we lost in the past, the truth however, is without giving the present the opportunity of making its own history, the quality of the future will be affected negatively. If you persist in your unreasonable approach to keep in touch with your ex, you will never be able to make anything out of your marriage; the result would either be a very sorry marriage or a complete divorce. Painfully, you won’t be the only one to suffer its consequences. Innocent lives will be affected by your own apathy – your wife and the children being the major victims. At the end of the day, you would have succeeded in making a huge mess of the lives of innocent people, some who will never recover from all these. The other woman has nothing to offer you. She has her husband and children to think of. They represent certainty while you are uncertainty. Don’t forget that the factors that cause your break up the first time are still there and would only be complicated by the many people that are now integral parts of your lives. But if you take time off to unearth the fundamental problems in your marriage with a view of addressing the issues, you will be leaving a worthy legacy for your children. Encourage your wife to talk about her fears, dreams and plans for the marriage and future. This way you will be able to deduce the problem areas in your marriage and plan how to eliminate them. In addition, create the opportunities for both of you to get to know each other again. Begin the process of wooing her all over again. Make it a second opportunity of getting right the things you got wrong in the first place. Chances are you may really not have given yourselves the chance to find out more about each other. This is the time to make amends. Find out everything about her that would make living with her fun and happy. Trashing the image of the other woman would open your mind more to receive all the information that make living with your wife better. A good marriage takes effort to build. Plenty of sacrifices go into it as well as wisdom. Even if you love the other woman passionately, this is the time to make the sacrifice required for everyone to be happy. By letting her be, you have made the vital sacrifice to protect her marriage and name. Going by the threats of her husband, his reasons for ending the marriage would be based on infidelity. I am sure you wouldn’t want her image to be so rubbished on account of your calls and text messages. By then it won’t matter to people that both of you didn’t sleep with each other. The conclusion of everyone would be that she actually did it with you. If for nothing, but because of what you once shared, end this thing and give her the gift of a happy home. It is the least sacrifice you can make for the one you claim to love. In addition, imagine the emotional pains of her husband; the torments of all the thoughts that would daily be going through his minds especially when she has to go out and doesn’t come back early. Sincerely, you are lucky because other men would have found ways of putting you out of action. Jealousy can make a man do unimaginable things; including mindless murder. So it isn’t just a case of allowing her enjoy her marriage but of you saving your own life at the end of the day. Only the living lusts after a woman. Acts of provocation are given light sentences in the courts of law. There is no greater provocation than what you are doing to this man and his family. He deserves the right to be happy with his wife. Good luck.