How can I stop this funny habit?

With Agatha Edo , Email: womaneditor@independentngonline.com, gataedo@yahoo.com or agatha.edo@gmail.com , 08054500626 Dear Agatha, I read your blog for the first time and was happy at your responses to issues brought to you. I also want you to help me sort out my own problems. I hope you will help me too as you did for others. I am 18 years old and, for five years now, I have freely indulged daily in the habit of stimulating myself to sexual satisfaction. I have become so worried because I want to get rid of it but I am not able to. The habit is beginning to affect my studies and I am ashamed because of it. I cannot discuss it with anybody especially my parents. I cannot even tell our family doctor about it. Please tell me what to do. I am bothered because it is very capable of ruining my life as I do it in excess. Ashutosh Dear Ashutosh, You are right. This is very capable of ruining your life completely if you don’t grow the determination to beat the habit. It is a matter of being honest with yourself and knowing what you want to become in life. There is no practice one cannot get rid of once one is determined. You must begin to place the negative side of your over-indulgence on self- stimulations on the front burner of your life. Ask yourself these vital questions each time the urge comes: Is this habit worth sacrificing your future dream for? How far will this carry you in life? What have you benefitted from it in all the five years you have engaged in it? Asking yourself these questions at the high point of your urges will scale down to an extent the potency of the urge long enough for you to reason out the essence of it all. You have stayed on this habit for too long so much so it has become an integral part of your social life. The danger of not doing anything about it is that of you preferring it to the real thing the very reason a lot of men become affirmed gays. Although this may sound outrageous and offensive to some people, but you might need to get yourself a girlfriend whose presence will bridge your passion for self-stimulation. She will help take your mind off this habit as well as introduce you to the natural way of sexual expression. While I can recommend prayers but experiences in the past have shown that when a habit becomes as addictive as you have become on your dependence on masturbation, spiritual remedy has to be combined with practical steps to make it work. Even if you pray from today till eternity, if you lack the kind of determination required to stop it, the prayers won’t work. Having a girl in your life would give you someone to talk to; someone who understands the way your mind works, know the things you have to endure in the process of keeping with your habit and the inherent struggle and loathsomeness that follow every failed attempt to stop. The reason for the presence of a woman in your life isn’t just to help ease your sexual tension but to lighten the burden of your mind. The more you talk to her, the more your mind drifts away from the urge to find release. Her presence will give you the opportunity of seeing how things can be between a man and a woman. If she is an understanding woman, she will help channel your attention and focus to your studies and the need for you to get out there and make the difference in your dreams to be great in life. It is also important you begin to define sex from another point of view. Enjoyable as the experience is, it is dangerous to make it the most important thing in your life. Its substance is amplified when given its due respect and placement. This is because it never goes away. It is one thing that stays on through life. If you begin now to apply all your time and energy on something that would stay with you throughout your journey in life, what energy would you use in future when most necessary? Importantly, life is about investing the right things because you get back what you invest. If you spend your very prime time thinking and masturbating, chances are that you may not get the actual value of what you are worth. At every point, remind yourself of the many regrets that come from people not being able to get to their heights. Good luck.