Does it make sense I tell my relatives she’s older?

With Auntie Agatha, gataedo@yahoo.com, agatha.edo@gmail.com, Tel: 08054500626 Dear Agatha, I will be 30 this month. I am still single and still a complete novice when it comes to the issue of women. Recently, I met a lady who will be 32 in two months time. I am seriously thinking of getting married to her. Nobody in my family is aware that she is two years older than I am. In my mind I am bothered that it might be a wrong move not to tell my family members. Don’t you think it is wrong for me not to tell my family about her age especially as her menopausal years aren’t too far away? Please I need your counsel? Ida. Dear Ida, Relationship or marriage is an agreement between two persons to share their feelings and lives. And for this arrangement to work perfectly, certain things have to remain between the couple forever. This is what makes a marriage more than a sexual union to being a spiritual, emotional as well as physical coming together of two complete strangers. The point a man or woman takes confidentiality between couples out of a relationship, the consequences is exposure to all kinds of damaging influences from outsiders whose views on how things should be done in one’s life is defined according to the every person’s selfish interests. Only God should be the third person in a marriage or relationship. There is no way your family will not shoot down your attempts to marry a woman older than you. It is natural for them to, because the thinking of a lot of people is stitched in time that a woman must be younger than her man for the sake of the order of things in the house. A younger woman is most likely to take orders from an older man than from one she is older than. But we know from the quality and experiences of many couples that being younger than one’s husband doesn’t translate to respect for him. Therefore the real issue here is what do you want from life? I think you should start from there first, and not bother yourself too much with her age or the fact that at 32, she is already into dining with menopause. Women who are a lot older than her still manage to get pregnant and have healthy babies. Medically at 32, she still has many good years ahead of her. As long as nothing is wrong with her womb or your reproductive system, don’t worry about the viability of her womb. She is just as capable of giving you healthy children as any younger woman can. Like I said, concentrate on getting to know her. Everybody is blessed with a special attribute, difficult to replicate in another person. That you found her worthy of your interest is a step towards finding out about her. Nobody in your family is going to live with you once the ceremony is over. So the woman you will be spending your life with has to be someone you are comfortable with as well as one you will like for the rest of your life. This is why the decision has to come from you. If you like her, study her. Observe the way she treats you when you are alone and when with friends. Is she the kind that respects you, will she support you no matter the situation, be more than a wife? Is she caring, supportive, understanding, has the right temper and loyal to you? Is she dependable and trustworthy? These are very critical points to ponder on more than the issue of her age. Since nobody in your family can guess she is older than you from looking at her, it means she isn’t looking her age at all. So why make an issue of it unless, you are the one who is really bothered and merely looking for an excuse to end the relationship. This is the point you must be very honest with yourself. It won’t serve any good to pretend you aren’t bothered about her age when in the real sense of it, you are. If you don’t see yourself being able to live with her with the knowledge that she is older than you, let her go. Be man enough to tell her your reasons and not use your family as an escapist route. Your answers are in your ability to face reality. Be real and be truthful to yourself. Good luck.