I’m confused about her commitment to me

With Auntie Agatha, gataedo@yahoo.com, agatha.edo@gmail.com, Tel: 08054500626 Dear Agatha, I met this lady in December, last year. I live in Port Harcourt while she stays in Enugu. But the distance has not stopped our daily communication. Except for some days when I am really pressed for time or have difficulties connecting with her; since December last year, I have done my best to call her everyday. She knows how much I care for her and has confessed to me that my calls have made it impossible for her not to think of me. Through our daily talks, there is no member of her immediate family that I haven’t spoken with. In addition there is nothing I don’t know about her or she, about me for that matter. But I am currently confused. Unlike when we just started, she no longer calls as frequently as she used to. In the early days, there was no day she didn’t give me a beep especially when she thought I was late in calling her for the day. The story is now reversed. If I don’t call her, she won’t bother. Recently, I put her to test by refusing to call her for three days. To my surprise she also didn’t. She simply didn’t care to find out the reason I didn’t call her. I’ve proposed to her and she has accepted, yet for more than three months now, I’ve not received a beep or even a call from her. I want to marry her, does she love me? Help! Samuel. Dear Samuel, It takes two to tango very well. There is nothing you can do if she isn’t ready to go with you anymore. From her attitude, something is undeniably wrong somewhere. Since both of you are living within driving distance from each other, why not take time off to see her at her base? Frankly there is no way your relationship can grow any further from this stage unless you both take the necessary step to help it move on. This is because there is a limit speaking to each other can go. You may both tell each other everything you think the other should know, but it is still too informal. It takes more than telephone conversations to make a marriage work. To a very large extent you are both still complete strangers to each other, figments of each other’s imagination. The personal touch we invest in relationships is what, at the end of the day, determines its workability. What a regular telephone conversation does is to help build on what is available. Since meeting each other in December, how much time have you spent together, getting to match your ideas about each other with your true persons? Ideas admittedly drive a relationship but character gives a relationship spice, flavour and passion. There is no relationship without the character of the couple coming into play. A certain amount of sacrifice is also needed to make it work. There is no way you can both move on if neither of you is ready to make that vital sacrifice needed to grow the relationship. As the man, take time out to see her, spend some time with her. No matter how many times you declare your love for her over the phone, a woman needs more assurances than hearing it on the phone. If you were outside the country, it would have been understandable, but the two of you are in the country which makes your absolute dependence on the phone unrealistic. Besides, at this early stage, other people are also involved in the success or otherwise of a relationship. This is because you are both still strangers to each other. Her friends and family members would naturally ask why you are finding it difficult to even pay her a visit, raising the suspicions that you may be married or engaged in a serious relationship. Others would wonder at the rationale of her accepting to marry a man who even though calls everyday remains a complete stranger to her. Because there is nothing solid yet between the two of you, such remarks has a way of bringing up hidden fears of the unknown. This is why you must go to her to explain and reassure her of your love as well as intentions to marry her if she will have you. Use the time to get to know her; sometimes what we think we know may turn out to be mere fallacy. As a matter of fact, both of you must make out time to know the human beings behind the mask you both wear. I ask, how much of this woman you intend to spend the rest of your life with, do you know? Beyond what she tells you about herself, can you defend her person if she gets into some kind of trouble? Sincerely, will you be able to stick out your neck for her under circumstances that appear questionable? It is even more for your sake that you should make out time to study the woman who is to become the mother of your children at close range. It is only after you have seen her and talked to her that you can make up your mind about her. But you must give her room to explain her strange behaviour as well as her reason for her apparent indifference to your presence in her life. Good luck.