Before she marries a chronic womaniser, gold-digger…

With Auntie Agatha,gataedo@yahoo.com, agatha.edo@gmail.com, Tel: 08054500626


Dear Agatha,
I am caught between two friends. One is my best friend from childhood while the other one is my roommate in school.
Recently, my roommate had a lot to talk about her recent boyfriend; how much he loves and supports her. According to her, he recently came back from London where he went to study and ready to marry her as soon as she writes her final examination.
From everything she has told me about him, I gathered he must be from a very rich family. He comes with different cars. Even the gifts he gives her were the expensive kind.
Because we are in our final year, I have been very busy, but recently I demanded to meet her Romeo. She tried to call him to fix the date, but his number wasn’t going through. She promised to fix the meeting between us for the following weekend.
She however came back to inform me that her boyfriend said, he won’t be around that weekend; that he would be in South Africa with his father.
The following day, she was in the bathroom when her phone rang. I called out to her, but she told me to tell her boyfriend that she would call him back. It was the first time I was seeing the picture of her boyfriend. I couldn’t believe I was staring at the picture of my childhood husband, the same man, her father, helped to set up as a mechanic when he got her pregnant.
I didn’t want to speak with him, so I allowed the phone to terminate itself. When my friend got out of the bathroom, I lied that I was also on the phone talking to my boyfriend, hence couldn’t answer her call.
I told her that since we were free for the day, she and I should pay her boyfriend a surprised visit to his house.
Being a very honest person, she told me she didn’t know where he stayed and that they always meet at hotel rooms. According to her, his excuse for not taking her home is because his father wants him to marry the daughter of his best friend.
I allowed it to go, but insisted she should call him and tell him to come and take us out.
When she called him, he told her that he was still in South Africa and that he roamed his number.
Well, I allowed her be. But made up my mind to visit my best friend later that day.
Fortunately, I met her with her husband at home. When she left to attend to something inside the house, I told him about his little escapade with my roommate and warned him to end it or I will spill the beans.
He at first pretended not to know what I was talking about but when he knew I was serious promised to end it all.
But to my pains, he hasn’t and is now blackmailing me that he would tell his wife that I was in the know about his relationship with my roommate from the beginning; that I actually supported both of them dating.
I don’t know what to do because my friend and her family have done so much for him. I don’t want my roommate getting hurt because she is falling for all his lies about being the son of an important person in the country, while in fact, he lives off the name and prestige of his wife’s family.
How do I get him to leave my roommate alone and facing his family?
I know from my friend that he is a habitual womaniser but decided to look the other way because of their child.
How do I help my friends? My roommate is preparing for her final examinations. Will telling her now not affect her?
Worried Friend.

Dear Worried Friend,
Silence they say is golden, but this is that instance that silence isn’t golden. Even if you don’t tell his wife about it, please warn your roommate that she is heading for emotional pains and disaster. She will never forgive you for keeping such vital information from her. While telling the wife about her husband’s adventure is out of place, but nothing stops you from telling your roommate about the nature of the man she is daily getting deeper into.
If you don’t tell her and she finds out later that you knew all along that this man was simply out to play her for a fool, defraud her emotionally, she will think you are a very bad person who enjoys watching people around her suffer.
By then it would be too late to salvage your years of friendship as nothing you say would make sense to her or people who get to hear.
This is why you must resist attempts by this man to blackmail you into keeping quiet about what you know about him. Call your roommate and tell her all you know about this man. It is better you risk losing her friendship because you told her the truth rathan for watching her make a complete fool of herself. It is better she weeps now than later when she would have invested too much trust, dream into a man that was never hers from the beginning.
Telling her now would help her focus; know what she is up against and make all the necessary decisions concerning her other options now.
If you allow her to continue with the relationship, she will only get deeper and deeper into it. Already, deep inside her, like every woman her age is already envisioning the tolling of wedding bells between the two of them. Some decisions are always very difficult to make. There is no time you tell her about this man that will always be right because it involves her life, emotions and future. Being young, you know this is the time, after graduation that the chemistry of marriage becomes very profound.
Even if she hasn’t said anything to you, in her mind’s eyes, she is already married to this Romeo.
You will be there to help her regain her equilibrium; redirect her mind to her reason for being in school. You will be there to offer her your shoulders as well as help talk sense into her. Don’t delay; tell her.
The fact that this man lacks remorse, tried to blackmail you into keeping quiet showcases him as a selfish and callous man. It is obvious he doesn’t care about her, his wife or any woman for that matter. He is simply out to have fun at her expense. If she is sensible, she will thank you for telling her the truth and not feel especially as the man involved has told her nothing but lies.
Let her know also that the wife is your friend. Offer to take her on a visit to your friend’s house. Not only will it further expose all the lies the man has told her about his affluent family, but also the truth about his marital status. Ensure you go on the visit when he is most likely to be at home; it will also communicate your own determination not to be intimidated by his threats.
You could also threaten to expose his double life and numerous lies to the parents of your friend. And when next you are discussing with him, ensure you have him on tape. Knowing that you are capable of exposing his excesses to his in-laws will make him think twice about certain things concerning his lifestyle.
Having gotten accustomed to living in luxury and style, he wouldn’t want to lose everything by insisting on keeping his kind of lifestyle. He will definitely want to remain on the good side of his wife’s family.
But you also have to find a way of helping your friend make her home happy. Unless he is a chronic womaniser, something is obviously wrong with their marriage.
Granted that from his conduct so far, he has tendency to lie about his life, but more than that is the underlying factor of unhappiness somewhere in their marriage. One thing is for your friend’s family to offer him financial succour another thing is respect. How much respect does he enjoy from his wife and in-laws? His attitude may be borne out of a need to feel like a man in the life of a woman.
You will never know his reasons unless you try to talk to him. From whatever he says, you will know where the real issue is in their union.
If your friend is making the mistake of advertising the fact that without her family’s money, he is nothing, chances are he will continue to find women who make him feel wanted and respect him as the man.
Doubtless he has his fault, but these flaws can be managed and reduced with love and respect by his wife. This is the job you have to do for your friend’s happiness.
Good luck.