Caught my fiancée in bed with my best man… Caught my fiancée in bed with my best man… Caught my fiancée in bed with my best man…

With Auntie Agatha, gataedo@yahoo.com, agatha.edo@gmail.com, Tel: 08054500626


Dear Agatha,
Please help me. Saturday, Feburary 18, is my wedding day. I am supposed to marry the lady I have dated for four years. This is one lady I trusted so much and would have done anything to please.
Last Saturday, after leaving my best man’s house, I changed my mind about going home and decided to go over to my girlfriend’s house. It was something that I didn’t plan or discuss with anybody. I simply wanted to see her even though I had seen her that day before seeing my best man. The funny thing is that I had called her as I was leaving my best friend’s house to inform her about my movement.
So she wasn’t expecting me at all. On my way to her house, I discovered I had a flat tyre. It took me another 30 minutes to fix it. Ordinarily that would have made me change my mind about going to her place, instead in a very strange way, I was extra-determined to see her that night.
It was as if something greater than I was propelling me to her place.
By the time I got to her place, it was almost 9pm. I didn’t bother to drive into the compound. The security man wasn’t at his post, so I went in without anybody noticing me.
And since I had my keys, I opened the back door, walked into the sitting room since the television was on. I thought she was in there, but she wasn’t and neither was her flat mate. So I decided to check her in the room. Right there on her bed was my wife to be and my best man. I couldn’t believe my eyes. The rage with which I called out their names drew their attention to my presence.
I don’t know how I managed to drive back to my house that night. It remains a mystery.
Although both of them have made frantic efforts at reaching me, I have refused to take any of their calls.
Agatha, I am too hurt and pained to discuss the matter with anyone. I have tried to find explanations for their actions, but nothing is making sense to me even till now.
I can’t even tell my mother and my siblings about my pains. There is no one to turn to, Agatha please help me so I won’t kill myself before Saturday. I love her so much. How can two people I trusted most in the world do this to me? And what more, she is pregnant. What do I do about it? Now, I am not so sure if the pregnancy is mine. I don’t know how to tell my family, even if I want to tell anybody for that matter. I just feel like the end of the world is here.
Jide.

Dear Jide,
You need to talk to someone immediately. I sent you a mail requesting you see me urgently, but I haven’t heard from you. I honestly didn’t want this published, thought you and I could resolve it privately.
Anyway, Jide there is nothing new under the sun and no situation without a solution. God doesn’t do anything without a reason. From your story, He planned all these carefully for your benefit.
If someone else had told you that your bestfriend and wife to be were dating, chances are you wouldn’t have believed, thinking it was all part of a plot to destroy your relationships with them.
The fact that you didn’t plan to go, had a flat tyre that delayed you, didn’t meet the security man at his post, went in through the back door to her unlocked room underscores the presence of God in all that happened that night.
He never does anything without a reason and chance for us to thank Him later. Bitter and painful as this situation is, appreciate the emotional pains He saved you from. How would you have felt or handled the situation if you are finding out that the two people you trusted are dating after the wedding ceremony? At least, now you have a choice of not going ahead with the wedding, but what if you had found out after the wedding and years of marriage with children?
How would you have handled the knowledge that the children may not be yours? The hurtful awareness that children you thought, treated and loved like your own may at the end of the day belong to your best friend would be more profound than what you are currently feeling.
Granted, you found out about them almost on the eve of your wedding ceremony, but you can walk away with minimal damage to you at the end of the day.
And talking to your family members is the only way you can really put this entire episode behind you. Had it being that your wedding ceremony isn’t just a few days away, you could easily handle it on your own without telling your family. But the issue has gone beyond you, you owe it to the people you have invited to your wedding ceremony some forms of explanations. Nobody outside your family members needs to know the truth; you could simply tell them that for circumstances beyond your control, the wedding date has been postponed.
Ask for some time off from the office to recover from your pains of betrayal. By the time you come back, the interested questions that would be generated by your announcement would have blown over.
From my experience, brooding over the issue of why these two became disloyal to you at this point in time won’t do you any good. Rather than decrease the pains, you will become more hurt. Don’t even try to find a reason instead, just ponder on the goodness and mercy of God in all these. I know it is difficult, but you need the help of God to outgrow this overpowering feeling of accute emotioal pains as well as the urge to end it all.
You also need the help of your family to trust in yourself again. Right now, nothing makes sense to you, your self-worth is at its lowest. Please share it with your family to restore your trust in your own judgement and person.
Any woman that can sleep with her husband’s best friend some few days to her wedding isn’t worth dying for. She has made her choice, if she loved you at all, respected you, no matter what, she wouldn’t have done that to you.
Nothing you say or do can change the reality of that scene you witnessed. This is one fact you must learn to live and deal with. This is that time in one’s life when one has to be very real.
I know how difficult it must be for you to let go of someone you consider so special, someone you have loved for four years, envisions yourself spending the rest of your life with, but you are at that crucial point in your life when you must place side-by-side reality and desire. If you go with what you still feel for her what about all the tomorrows you have ahead of you? What about all the many male friends you will have and still have? Will you be able to ever trust her with any of them?
What about her many male colleagues? Will you be able to accept any of them as just a mere colleague of hers?
Marriage needs more than love to remain whole. It needs plenty of trust and respect. A good and happy marriage also requires loyalty. For a woman, especially, this is not negotiable.
These are all the in between feelings that guarantee a very peaceful home. Once any of these is missing in a marriage, the home becomes a kind of prison. Besides, will your average male ego tolerate knowing that another man could be sleeping with your wife? You may love her, but will that love be able to sustain this kind of betrayal?
Quietly let go of her and your friend because of the delicate nature of a woman who is in love. Wisdom demands caution from you at all level.
As for the issue of her pregnancy, make out time to see her to discuss how you intend to support her during and after the pregnancy.
Frankly, this isn’t the time for you to question the paternity of the unborn child. Since she has fingered you as the father, don’t allow what you witnessed stop you from doing what is right. Plently of time to determine whom the true father of the child is.
Finally, don’t allow this incident destroy your trust in women. See it as God’s way of preventing you from making a costly mistake in life. If you and her were meant to be an item forever, no matter the temptation, she wouldn’t have done what she did. This happened because God wasn’t present in your relationship from the beginning. It is best you lose four years than your entire lifetime of happiness.
One day, when you meet the right woman, you will look to this incident with thanksgiving. Just trust in God and the healing power of time.
Good luck