Hard to choose among three men seeking to marry me

With Auntie Agatha, gataedo@yahoo.com, agatha.edo@gmail.com,08054500626


Dear Agatha,

Thanks a lot for the right advice you give to people. You are a lifesaver and I pray God will continue to bless you.

Please I need your advice concerning my relationship. I am young lady of 25 years of age. My major concern is how to know who would make the best husband among the three men asking for my hand in marriage? The second challenge is how to recognise true love as well as the qualities most important to look out for in a man.

Furthermore, is it appropriate for a lady to be the one visiting the guy without the guy reciprocating the visit on account of certain excuses?

Grace.



Dear Grace,

The realisation of who would make a good partner begins with your own discovery. Without this, it becomes almost impossible to recognise that extra-special thing in anyone coming for your hand in marriage or able to evaluate it in terms of long-term happiness. This is because what you don’t have, you cannot give.

If you don’t have a dream, an idea of the real substance that would give you the kind of strength to generate the right amount of determination, it goes without saying your search would be limited to those perishable qualities.

Before you can determine who is good for you, answer this question: how good are you to yourself? Have you been able to establish that important thing about yourself that would always give you happiness? Something any man coming into your life must help you hold on to if he desires the best of you?

At times, love isn’t all that matters when deciding on whom to spend the rest of one’s life with, other considerations go into it. A man may really be in love with his woman but lacks the right temperament to lead a home. Without the right kind of temperament, no matter how well a woman tries to deal with issues in her marriage, it soon becomes a struggle to stay with that kind of man.

A man’s temperament envelops the kind of patience, support, respect, understanding, and friendship he is willing to invest into making the marriage work. It also colours the way he would treat his wife both in private and public. A man that cannot handle his temperament is likely to act before he thinks, including beating the woman.

Jealousy is one of the products of love. Can you withstand a man who loves you but lacks the power of self-control? Can you stand the embarrassment of being questioned, suspected for doing nothing? Can you live with the fear of not knowing what to expect from your spouse if you have to work into the late hours? How long can you endure the insecurity of a jealous man? Can you stand a man who runs the home like a boss instead of a leader?

Here it isn’t love that is the issue but being able to manage all the emotions love incites in a man. The secret strength of every relationship is the ability of the man to manage all the emotions that make love wholesome.

Temperament is that inner quality that keeps giving marriage the precise radiance to stay fresh forever. Seasons come and go, but that which cannot be affected by the devastation of time is who we really are inside of us, the real person and not the colour we are or what we are. It is this quality that makes one person gloss over the failure or inability of others with sympathy and understanding while another person would choose to mock, insult or dehumanise that same person for the same slip.

This is that something extra-special you should look at in the men that are coming for your hand in marriage. By knowing what your limitations are as a person, it would be easy if you are truthful to yourself to come to an honest conclusion on which of these men can best manage that aspect of you successfully.

Often time, young girls make the mistake of limiting their search lights in their quests for husband to the frivolities: such things as the man’s appearance, his social status, financial standing or connections are not the things that count at the end of the day.

Out of all these men, whom can you count on the most, the one that is likely to make the important sacrifices for you? Who among them has the stamina to deal with that side of you that others cannot cope with? There is a side to every one of us even our parents find difficult to cope with.

And of the three, who knows the face behind the mask of make-ups, can look at the real you and not flinch? Can manufacture a joke or make you laugh when what all you feel is like bringing down the entire world?

Your answer is right before you as long as you are honest with yourself.

True love is selfless-living in the body of the other person. True love puts the interest of the other person first, considers how an action would affect the other person first before doing it is always willing to forgive and forget.

A man, who manufactures excuses not to reciprocate his girlfriend’s frequent visits to his home, is communicating his true feelings to the girl. Such a man prefers to allow his actions tell the story he is unwilling to say to the woman.

No matter how busy a man is, if interested in a woman, he will make time out of no time to visit her. The excuse of not having time is given by both men and women to discourage an unwanted interest in the opposite sex. It is the nature of men to devote time to a woman they want desperately in their lives.

Good luck.