He’s not my kind of guy…

With Auntie Agatha,gataedo@yahoo.com, agatha.edo@gmail.comTel: 08054500626

Dear Agatha,

I am currently very confused about my person and the direction of my life. At 23 years of age my relationship with members of the opposite gender is almost minus zero. If they are not disappointing me, they are busy breaking my heart. It isn’t funny anymore.

Presently, I am in a relationship with a guy who claims he wants me for a wife. As a matter of fact, he has been introducing me to all his friends as his wife. But frankly speaking Agatha, he isn’t the type of man I want to spend the rest of my life with.

One of the reasons for this is that he isn’t honest and cannot be trusted whatsoever. He doesn’t care if I am in need of anything, instead he would be the one complaining about his lack of money. All he seems interested in is introducing me to his friends as his wife to be – a habit I detest with passion.

He is also jobless and claims to want to contest as a councillor in his local government area.

To add salt to injury, every guy that comes wants sex. No one wants to go steady with me.

I don’t know what to do because I am not getting younger. I just need a guy to settle down with, a guy that is loving, caring, and God fearing.

Please advise me on what to do. Should I stop accepting to go into relationship with men? Just tell me how to handle this matter.

Blessing.


Dear Blessing,

Often it is easiest to blame others for our own mistakes instead of facing the problems we have on our own created. If you are complaining of lack of interest in you by any man at just 23 years of age, what reputation and image did you present of yourself to those around you?

Do you package yourself as a young self-respecting woman? Are your values such that any man would be happy being around you? How do you interpret love? Do you see it as an investment of quick money, pure sexual satisfaction or an investment that requires patience, support, understanding, tolerance, selflessness, friendship and care?

If your attitude to the inability of your current boyfriend is anything to go by, you are more interested in the financial comfort than any real interest in the man. If you are complaining about lack of serious men in your life and you have one who is interested in marrying you and has practically told everyone about his intentions for you, then you don’t have any real challenge beyond your own refusal to get your priorities right. If money is what you want, you can’t rule out men demanding for sex because they have to get returns for their investment in your life.

It may sound crude but when most men spend money on women, they want one thing in returns – sex! Only responsible men give money and material things to women without expecting returns on their investment. So if you are looking for a ready made man, be prepared to pay the price of being used and dumped when a better and more attractive lady comes into the picture.

I appreciate the ache of being with one who seems visionless in life but it is not the same thing as being scornful of someone on account of his or her inability to get a job. What you should investigate about this man is his seriousness about life and vision. Don’t look at his current status, rather focus on his tomorrows. Do you detect any seriousness in him? Does he have what it takes to be a successful politician? There is nothing wrong in him wanting to be a councillor provided he is clear about his intentions.

A wise person looks at someone’s tomorrow, while a foolish person focus on only the today.

Don’t make the costly mistake many persons make in life. He may be jobless, appears to be a nuisance now but would he remain one for life?

And if you think, he doesn’t fit at all into your image of Mr. Right, do the decent thing of ending the relationship instead of sticking around him, depriving him and yourself of bright chances of meeting other interesting people. You would end up cheating yourself the more by staying on with him if you don’t like what he is telling people about you.

Importantly, develop the habit of praying. It would help you a lot in effecting some chances you may want to do in your life.

Good luck.