Double dating, all I get for the love he professes…

With Auntie Agathagataedo@yahoo.com, agatha.edo@gmail.com,Tel: 08054500626

Dear Agatha,

I am a student. There is this problem, which is really eating me up. I have been in a relationship with this guy since my second year in Junior Secondary School (JSS2).

When we started, we were so much in love with each other and very close. But, he now feels I am his worst enemy because of another girl who is about 20 years of old.

Recently, he called to offer the Olive branch –peace. He said he has made up his mind to come back to me because of my dedication to him when he didn’t have anything. After this, he begged for my forgiveness and asked me to allow him make love to me as evidence of my forgiveness. I did.

To my pains as well as surprise, he hasn’t bothered to call me since then. Instead of the reconciliation he promised me, I see him everywhere with the other girl.

If this is painful, his refusal to let go of me is what baffles me the more. He engages any man he sees with me in physcial fight.

He knows I love him very much. We have been together for eight years. Please tell me what to do since I am without a clue as to how to handle him.

Worried Girlfriend.

Dear Worried Girlfriend,

Evidently, your boyfriend is bent on playing games with your heart and life. You have come to a crossroad in your relationship where you must look back, evaluate it vis-à-vis the plans you have for yourself in the future.

The kind of relationship one has, more often than not determines the quality of life that person would have in the future. This is because every relationship is premised on emotions. And once one’s emotion is torn into pieces, it becomes difficult for such a person to concentrate on whatever he or she is doing.

For this simple reason, you must do everything within your powers to protect your dreams. Every man or woman needs a supportive partner at every turn in life.

It takes two to tangle very well. Doubtless, you are in love with him but is he in love with you? No man who is in love with a woman would treat her the way he is treating you. Coming on the pretense of making up with you, only to leave you again after sleeping with you doesn’t make him out as a man who cares about what or how you feel. The issue here goes beyond his new girlfriend or the men he is trying to prevent from coming to you. It is a lot deeper than that.

From what you have said about him, he is selfish and very self-centred. This isn’t the kind of man you need in your life to grow into a success story. His kind leaves women emotionally dry. He will only take from you and not give you anything back in return.

Even though you have been together for eight years, you are far from knowing his person. When you met him at JSS2, you were not only naïve but also fresh – a young unsoiled girl. Being the first with you was an ego thing for him. While you invested love, saw a knight in shinning armour, he saw a pleasure pot and if you are not careful, get real with yourself, you will continue to be his pleasure toy until he completely gets tired of you. This is why he doesn’t want anybody near you, fight every man who comes close to you just to ensure he can go and come into your life as he pleases.

He doesn’t want you to experience love with another man. He knows that once you find a man who shows you what true love really is, you will never have him back. Therefore, he is using his knowledge of your mind, body and emotions to play you like a puppet.

If you don’t resist him, it would be completely difficult as the years go by.

Nobody can give you the kind of strength and determination to resist him. Your strenght of character lies in your dream as a young woman determined to take her place in history. Your key to freedom from this man is your dream. Call his bluff and tell him you are through with him. Let him know you are no robot or too weak where he is concerned; that like him you have feelings as well as the fact that only a man who respects you deserves your love.

Refuse to be cowed into submission. As long as he has the freedom to advertise his new relationship, he no longer has any right over you. Just like him, you now have the freedom to look for happiness elsewhere.

Granted, it may hurt you to do this given the fact that you are deeply in love with him, but if you don’t begin to fight for your freedom, this man, even if he marries you in future will never give you the kind of respect you deserve. Doubtless, love must be patient for it to grow but this is only applicable if the person one is in love with, has demonstrated commitment as well as semblance of respect. Being in love isn’t the same thing as being stupid. The day, he tricked you into going to bed with him after he has left you for the other girl is the day he finally demonstrated the kind of feelings he has always had for you. This problem is that you were and still too much in love to see him for who he truly is.

No right thinking man parades another woman to the knowledge of the woman in his life.

Even if you both would make up later, fight and earn your respect from him. For now, try as much as possible to put him and your feelings on the back burner. You just must find your power to move away from this point this relationship has put you.

The fresh air would do you a word of good, as it would afford you the opportunity of getting to know who you really are. For eight years, you have put yourself under the shadow of this man, agreeing to everything and not knowing what you are capable of. You went into this relationship when you didn’t know what a relationship was all about.

There is no denying the fact that you have also made some mistakes in your eight years together. The time has come to go back to the drawing board, take a trip down memory lane, be objective in assessing this relationship. This way, it would be easy for you to own up to your mistakes as well as developing the right frame of mind to learn from these slip-ups.

It will also inform you on how to handle yourself and relationship in future.

Such exercises also have the ability of helping one deal with the inadequacies in the other person. For one to understand the shortcomings of another person, such a person must first come to reality with his or her own inadequacies.

At this point, be thankful that you are not continuing with his relationship with your eyes closed. If nothing, you at least know the kind of man you are dealing with as well as his definition of love.

If at the end of the day, you decide to end this relationship, take extra time to heal. True healing doesn’t happen overnight. It is gradual. Take each day as it comes. This way, the healing would be more effective because once you are healed for that day; you won’t have to deal with the issues again. For now, it is best you don’t go into any relationship to enable you have a focus of the direction you want to sail the ship of your life.

It is important you have a dream of your own. It is the only way you can be a complete woman later in life.

Go into a relationship only when you are ready for it and not before. Don’t do it to spite this man, and more importantly don’t hold any grudge against him. If you do, it might be difficult to get your new relationship right because of the extra burden of the past you would be bringing into the relationship.

Good luck.