I’m in love with my friend’s sister…

With Auntie Agatha gataedo@yahoo.com, agatha.edo@gmail.com Tel: 08054500626
Dear Agatha,
I am 15 years old and I am in love with a girl who is two years younger. Her brother is my best friend and he doesn’t want the two of us to date. Please what should I do?
Worried boy.

Dear Worried Boy,
At 15, what do you know about and by love? What do you understand it to be? Do you know the responsibilities that come with the feelings of love? Do you know the self-denial that goes with falling in love, at your age especially? Do you know the havoc an unguarded moment can bring to your life and the girl’s in particular?
There is no contesting the fact that at your age, love is one big field of beautiful colours, sign of maturity, licence of freedom and liberty. Yes, love is all these but it is much more. Behind all the beautiful features you see, there are reality signposts hidden beneath.
For instance, what happens if you and this girl, who is barely a baby herself, get into a compromising situation and do what you should not do? Are you ready for the responsibilities that come from a man and woman sleeping together? Behind the euphoria of expression of this sexual excitement is one big issue – the arrival of an unplanned baby.
Do you have what it takes to care for yourself, the lady and the baby that would come from the process of expressing your love for each other?
Doubtless love is wonderful feeling but it has to be packaged into the jacket of responsibility for it to remain wonderful.
The issue here is not whether you have a right to fall in love with her or not, but if you should allow the feelings overflow? Clearly, at 15, you are not equipped spiritually, financially, physically, emotionally and materially to cope with the attendant complications that come with being in love.
At the age you are in now, your hormones are at their most, exciting, destructive and unfortunately at their most aggressive. This is because they make you so aware and conscious of your sexuality and potentials. Giving in to their demands may give you temporary freedom, but in the long run they leave you empty and vulnerable when pregnancy occurs, when you are made to fend for the premature family these hormones caused you to have while your mates are busying pursuing their education.
This is the reason her brother and every other adult near you both would never support the relationship.
She especially has more to lose. Her dignity, innocence, freedom, future, respect and life are just a few of the things she would lose. Would you ever be able to compensate her for all these losses if you get her pregnant now? Would you ever be able to regain all the opportunities that would be forfeited by both of you if you allow this untimely love take root?
This is a feeling that should never be given the opportunity to grow because the season for it has not come yet.
At 13 she is nothing but a baby. Like you, she is not knowledgeable about the consequences of the bedroom game beyond the on the spot excitement she would enjoy being with you.
Love at your age is a bitter pill. It is infatuation, a deadly chemical substance that is very harmful to your life and soul.
Love is selflessness, respect, tolerance, patience, care, understanding and support. Which of these do you feel for this girl? Do you feel the need to put on hold your desires for her and support her instead to realise her dream? Do you have the desire to protect her, care for her at all times beyond having her in your bed and arms?
If your libido is what is propelling you to her, please don’t infect her life. There is no harm to be friends with her provided whatever you do with her is done in public. The regrets associated with premature lovemaking never go away – lives on forever. What she needs is a friend, be that friend, not a lover. If you indeed love her, you would bury whatever feelings you have for her until the reason is right because a flower plucked before its season is useless to itself and the person that plucked it.
Good luck.