Should I Tell My Sister About Her Husband’s Covert Wife?

Dear Agatha,

What I’m about to tell you has been giving me sleepless nights for close to a year now. I must say it has been giving me even high blood pressure as well.

I live with my sister and her husband. They have been married for quite sometime now without any child. Both of them look happy together even without a child.

However, early last year, I stumbled on a piece of information that started my emotional upset. I got to know that my sister’s husband has impregnated a lady in another state different from where we’re leaving. I couldn’t tell my sister, couldn’t tell anybody either. I was confused and decided to put it off as mere rumour.

A month ago, I confirmed this to be true, even with names. The lady has given birth. Every two weeks, my brother-in-law gives official reasons for travelling. My sister does not know this and I’m not sure whether to tell her. This is why I am worried and stressful. What can I do?

Worried Sister.

Dear Worried Sister, 

It isn’t your place to tell your sister. The decision is that of her husband. No matter how painful all these are for you, you must keep away from your sister’s marital challenges. Irrespective of whatever her husband has done, he remains her partner and soul mate. Whereas they can forgive each other and make up to each other because of what they shared, the same cannot be said for you. Her husband will forever remember how you tried to break his home by telling his wife something he was trying to hide and your sister will one day query your reason for telling her. Besides, your name will always be mentioned as the one who told her about the other woman and the child. 

Marriage is a sacred and very delicate institution. It is also a mystery only very few people understand. When two people decide to spend the rest of their lives together, they are not only making the physical vow but going into a very strong covenant which only the two of them understand. Some couples are too deep into each other to be understood. Their unity is beyond understanding and only those who understand what the ideals of marriage appreciate the power of love and friendship in a marriage.

Marriage involves just two people, anytime there is a third party intervention, the foundation experiences a crack capable of destroying the foundation completely. No matter how deep an injury is in a marriage, true love is elastic enough to snap it back together. If your sister is truly in love with her husband, they will always overcome this problem. Besides you don’t know what the arrangement is between your sister and husband especially if the fault is from her. Strange things have been known to happen between couple.

There is no hidden thing under the sun. Your brother-in-law cannot conceal the existence of this child from his wife forever. Eventually she will get to know of her husband’s betrayal of her, but do everything to make sure she doesn’t get to hear it from you. Trust me you lack the maturity and wisdom to break this delicate news to her.

To assuage your guilt at keeping this information from her, confide in your mother, if you still have one. As a matured mind, she will know how to manage the situation without breaking your sister’s marriage. You could also confront your brother-in-law with the information you have. In doing this, don’t be overtly hostile to him, just demand to know why he did what he did considering the pains it would cause your sister.

Hear him out, express your disappointment at his conduct, but don’t ever insult him because whatever he may have done wrong, he remains the husband of your elder sister and until she decides otherwise, continue to accord him his respect. The best you can do is to pray for God’s intervention for your sister because it is the only way she can get over her problems and become fulfilled as a woman. If you have never been close to her, taking things happening to her for granted, it is time you do. Listen to her inner yearnings as a woman by encouraging her to talk about the challenges she is facing in her marriage. Being her pillar would give her the much needed succour to face the task of adjusting to the knowledge of being a stepmother when the husband eventually decides to tell her. 

Furthermore, you need to position yourself as a friend too, to be able to know how and where to come in with help when is needed. There is the need to be very close to her emotionally. 

Good luck.