Before Her Humble Background Stifles Me

Dear Agatha,                                    

I want to start by appreciating the wisdom you apply in solving people’s problem. There is this girl I’ve been dating for more than two years whom I’m contemplating spending the rest of my life with, but who has lied to me several times. The recent one includes her age. I just found out contrary to what she told me, she is a year and some months older than I am. 

I have never planned to be involved with a woman who is older than I am. 

Secondly, although an undergraduate in the final year, I’m scared by her family’s poor financial background. Considering the fact that I’m the first in my family, don’t you think that the responsibility would be too much on me? Don’t you think my family will be disappointed in me? I also noticed that she has had a surgery in the womb as a result of ovarian cyst. Can it prevent her from conceiving? Currently, she wants to go for surgery as a result of growth in her lower abdomen which has been there for over two years now.
I would like to know the cause of that and also whether it would have any future effect on her. Finally, I love this girl because she is a devoted Christian and also a wife material. Please, advise me on what to do.

Worried Guy.

Dear Worried Guy, 

Sincerely, I am not in a position to tell you of the medical consequences of all the operations she has gone through and would go through. It is best you both go to the doctor for proper explanations on what could be wrong with her.  That she is having pains in her lower abdomen doesn’t make her infertile. The concern should be for her to get proper treatment for whatever is wrong with her.  On the issue of age and the many lies she has told you, she is very wrong to have lied about her age to you. She should have given you the choice of making up your mind on whether you want to date a woman older than you or not. Lies have a way of destroying trust in any relationship whether romantic, platonic or otherwise. It calls to question the true identity of the person involved.

But since you say you love her, it is a sufficient reason for you to forgive her. However there is the need for you to call, educate and point her at the harm her lies are doing to your relationship. She has to know that you don’t have the same confidence in her as you did when you started out. The realization that she risks losing you based on the many lies she tells you may help heal her of this habit. In addition, these lies point at lack of confidence in herself and security in your love for her. Knowing also that your love is strong enough to weather whatever storm life throws at both of you would make her think twice before lying to you. 

On the issue of her coming from a poor background isn’t tenable at all. If she is struggling to earn a quality education just like you, it means she is also conscious of her background and the need to improve on the lot of her family. Being poor  isn’t and will never be a crime but your attitude and disdain for her background may be the real reason she is hoarding the truth from you. You have to show her that you love her enough to overlook the financial status of her family.   

Since nothing good comes cheap, you have to overlook her downside and made up your mind on what you like most about her. Our ability to succeed is more often than not, limited by lack of determination to go after what our heart seek. Once your mind is made up about this lady, don’t bother yourself with her other habits because overtime love will cure her imperfection.

Just lean more on God.

Good luck.