Hard To Bank On His Sincerity After All I’ve Done

Dear Agatha,

I am a lady of 24 years of age and an undergraduate in the fourth year. I am in a relationship with a man of 30 years of age, who incidentally graduated from my school. 

Our relationship is two years old. For the two years we dated, not once did we discuss the future of the relationship. We just left it to roll. However, he recently indicated his interest to marry me.

Agatha, I need your help to do what is right and sensible. 

Together we have been through a lot. Some of the challenges even threatened our relationship but he still stayed with me. 

Like I hinted earlier we never intended it to be serious because we were then in relationships with other people. Naturally we were both distracted by these relationships. At a point, I told a lie about the stability of my relationship with the other man. I made him think it was collapsing. He also told me he wasn’t in love with the other lady he was engaged to. 

After a while, I went back to tell another lie to him that I had broken up with the other guy and that he was the only one left in my life, but it boomeranged when I became pregnant for my other boyfriend while he was abroad. He found out, and he was very disappointed in me. Out of shame, I moved far away from him to sort myself out but he was always checking on me. I couldn’t keep the child so I terminated the pregnancy; still he found out and came back to me. 

Despite this, I was still doubtful of his feelings for me. I kept wondering what precisely he wanted from me. 

As a result I never bothered to create the right impression since I thought he was only out to exploit my situation. 

But I have come to love him. I am almost through with my education. I see him everyday and he has never demanded to make love to me and has a way of making me do things I don’t want to do. 

Besides, I don’t know how to tell my parents about him since I don’t know how they would react. 

Do you think I would be making a mistake marrying this man? Do you think he actually likes me?

Worried Lady.

Dear Worried Lady, 

What more assurances do you need from this man to tell you his love comes from the depth of his heart? How many men, both young and old would want to have anything to do with a woman who told lie to them the way you did? Frankly he should be the one afraid of your sincerity and love for him, because if you could lie to him once, you are very capable of lying to him again and again. 

That he forgave your lie, accepted you back even when he found out about the pregnancy and abortion underscores his need of you in his life. He is not unaware of your weaknesses as a woman, or the facts about your person. He is not asking you to marry him out of delusion, but from a heart that is real and clear enough to know that his love can heal whatever mistakes you made in the past. 

Only a man who truly cares about a woman would take the kind of step this man took without looking back or caring a hoot what anybody thinks of him. 

It shows a man who is caring, understanding, selfless, and also a true friend. Yes, he may not have all the qualities you may desire in a man, but you also don’t have everything he desires in a woman. 

From the quality of commitment he has shown, it is very clear that his feelings for you are more than the average. 

Whatever misgivings your parents have against this man, make them understand his love for you and how he has done things other men in his shoes wouldn’t do. While you may not be so detailed about what you did and how he stood by you, there is the need for you to underline his special qualities for them to appreciate your need of him in your life. Besides, being the one who will be living with him, the ultimate choice is yours, not theirs. 

Search deeply into your heart for the answer you are looking for. Frankly, unless you are very honest with yourself, you may not have the guts and clarity of mind to make the right choice. Pray for the help of God who sees right in our heart to help you do what is right.

Good luck.