We’re Both AS, But Don’t Want My Child To

Dear Agatha,

My boyfriend and I are both AS. He isn’t bothered because he is very religious and is putting God ahead of us.  We are both very close but having had the unpleasant experience of living with a cousin who is SS, I am very worried about it. Although my friend is a very good man, I don’t want to have an SS child.  I know all about the technology of finding out before the child is born and terminating the pregnancy but I wouldn’t want to do that either.

I am really troubled because like I said, he is a very good man, the kind I want in my life. But right now I am so confused and don’t know what to do. I have never really met an AA guy as nice as he is.

Confused Lady.

Dear Confused Lady, 

Life is about choices. To move forward in life you just have to make some painful choices. There is a point in life when we come to a cross road and have to make a choice between two unpalatable situations. It is God’s way of sharpening us for the many challenges life daily unfolds. You love him but don’t want the emotional and medical troubles that come with having an SS child. Something must go for both of you to be happy.

There is no easy way out of the problems you have found yourself in. It is either you take the risk of having an SS baby or you end the relationship with him and save yourselves from the harrowing experience of having to go through constant abortions or having an SS child.

One thing is clear, God should never be tempted. Granted, faith is the foundation of our relationship with God, wisdom is the icing on the cake of our faith. One cannot jump into a lake of firing in an attempt to tempt God’s presence in one’s life. To do that would be akin to putting God to test in a matter that requires simple wisdom to avoid. 

Faith is about trusting in God and not putting Him to test to prove His nature to us. We are the ones that should constantly put our selves under His authority, not Him putting Himself under our authority. God doesn’t work in that way. If you both know that your love is strong enough survive the emotional and psychological stress of having an SS child, all you have to do is ask God to give you the grace to. It is His grace to survive the tough time ahead that you need not His ability to change the situation. There are certain things God won’t change, not because He lacks the strength to but because it is our cross in life. God isn’t just a God of miracles only, but one who is determined to ensure His children understand that no matter the situation we find ourselves in, He remains our father, friend, cheerleader and our advocate at all times. 

At this stage, you both still have the ability to make the changes you want in your lives. He gave us the right to free will; to make the choice we are comfortable with. If you love him but unwilling to have an SS child, you have the choice of not attempting to have a child of your own by considering adoption. The choice is frankly yours to make since your man has made up his mind about the path he is going to take in all these. 

At this point, it is your duty also to educate him about the condition. Having experienced it at first hand, God has equipped with the knowledge as well as experience to educate him on the consequences of two SS coming together. Paint the picture of pains the child goes through as well as the usual regrets and anxiety the parents go through when the crisis starts. Also tell him about the despair of watching the child’s without being able to offer much help. He may not understand the full consequences of what he is going into but telling him would enable him have a clear perspective into what he is up against.

If unwilling to leave him, key into his vision but pray for the grace of God to get you to that level of comfort with His plans for you. Being the woman, you must have the greater strength of pulling your husband through at the end of it all.

However if you make up your mind to leave based on your experiences with your cousin, then you must sit down and re-order your priorities in life as well as the place and plans of God in your life. 

What you need to do urgently is to pray. Go on your knees and ask Him for the right direction to go. He only knows the strength and course of the patterns of our lives. This is a decision you have to make with a very clear and practical mind if you want to be happy in life.

Good luck.