Is Age A Barrier To Marriage?

Dear Agatha,

I am in love with this girl in my workplace. Our relationship is about four months old. In December last year, I went to her place to meet with her family while I took her in to meet with my parents.

All this while, I didn’t bother to ask her age because she looks young but later I discovered she is older than me. But the truth is that I love her for who she is and we love each other. Is age a barrier to marriage?

Stanley

Dear Stanley, 

As long as the two of you are comfortable with it, there is nothing wrong in both of you getting married. Love and friendship are usually what make the major difference in bringing two people together.

The challenge is in both of you learning to adjust to the roles your gender foists on you within the marriage set-up. Being younger than she is in age doesn’t make you the subservient partner. Irrespective of her age, you must take the headship of the family by acting your role as husband to her, the children through the provision for the welfare of the family. 

You must at all times provide her with the right kind of leadership in her life and home. 

However, in taking charge of your home, you must accord her respect as your wife, taking care not to hurt her or make references to the differences in your ages. For you to get respect from her, you must not only respect her, but you must also be seen to be responsible. 

To help you maintain a fair balance in your home, you must learn about the nature of the average woman. This will help you tremendously to put things in their proper perspective when she says or does things that have the colouration of insubordination or insults. By refusing to attribute her attitude to the age differences between the two of you, you give your marriage the opportunity and elasticity to grow naturally. You must appreciate wisdom isn’t about age but the maturity and fairness we apply to issues. 

For you to earn her respect, learn to treat her fairly. It is only then she can give you the right kind of respect you deserve and need to function as a man. Generally, the major and perhaps one of the first sets of problems in relationships come when the man tries to force respect from the woman without first putting the structures of earning it in place. 

For your relationship to work well, you must work to earn your respect. In addition, being the younger party, you must develop the ability to carry the relationship well. For instance, some of your friends and family members would always demand to know why you favour an older woman when there are younger women around. Some of your mischievous peers can be very mean in trying to persuade you to follow the crowd. Learn from this early to develop the concomitant pride in your choice, partner and marriage to keep friends off your back. 

To achieve this, you must be sure she is the right kind of woman for you; the kind who can keep you excited and interested in her company for as long as you both live. 

From this early time, you must understand each other’s wants, desires, dreams and plan as clearly as possible. It is only then both of you can have a united front to confront the challenges of two strangers coming together.

At all times you must be ready to protect her from people within your family who may want to remind her of being older than you. 

However, everything rests in the hands of God who both of you must go to seek wisdom and direction.

Good luck.  

Your Valentine’s 

Column So Moving 

Dear Agatha,

You simply made me cry in your Valentine’s Day edition of your column. I am a very lonely heart who has been searching for genuine relationship; for that special someone. I should say that that edition was simply dedicated to me only. Thank you so much because you seem to know exactly how it feels to be in that position for a long time at that. 

Also, I thank you for publishing the article by Obienyem who wrote from Awka. “Valentine’s Day: Time to promote Love”. That was such a beautiful piece.

If it is not against the ethics, would you please be magnanimous enough to let me have his email address. I wouldn’t mind dropping some few lines for him.

Many Thanks

Peace.

Dear Peace, 

We glad to be of help. I am also sure, Obienyem is reading this and would get to you if he so desires.

Agatha.