Essentials Of Marriage For Born-again Couple, Please…

Dear Agatha,

I am always impressed and encouraged by your pieces of advice to people. I really commend you for the great job. God bless you as you keep it up. 

But please pardon me. I want to know if you are a born again. And as a young man aspiring to marry, I want to know the most important thing in marriage.

Curious Man.

Dear Curious Man, 

On the issue of being born again, I want to say this, I have a very close relationship with God, one that makes me want to submit to His will at all times. Even though I slip occasionally, I know His grace is sufficient to see me through, and that my rough edges are daily undergoing His fine-tuning.

I say this because I know that being born again has become more a religious fashion than a real attempt at establishing a lifetime relationship with one in control of heaven and earth. The most important thing about marriage remains one’s conviction to stay married no matter the circumstances of the marriage. 

From this early, get prepared for any eventuality you may find yourself in when you get married, because marriage has a way of turning out to be very different from what we thought it to be. Unlike the distant image of perfection we have of marriage, it is often windy, steeply, turbulent, traumatic, disappointing and above all plenty of sacrifices as well as adjustments to ensure its survival.

Unlike the bread and butter image we have of it, marriage is more like a bitter-leaf experience. It takes plenty of tolerance, dedication and hard work to get to its sweet end. 

That you love a person doesn’t mean that person is incapable of hurting or causing you pains. This is one thing you must always have at the back of your mind. The one who today appears to be perfect for you could after marriage turn out to be a monster, just as you are capable of changing from all the good things to bad things. These changes are often not planned for. There are a lot of stresses in marriage capable of causing these dramatic changes in one’s thinking and attitudes. 

The thing is when these things come, they should be treated as subjects, not as major problems. Usually the solution to every challenge in life is the perception we have of it. The label we give it often than not influences the results we get. If given a label of impossibility, it ends up remaining irresolvable, no matter what others around say or do to help the situation.

Therefore, for you to have a happy marriage, have a broad mind, one, which will enable you give every problem its proper categorisation with a view of sorting it out amicably. Failure to compartmentalise a problem, deal and trash it before it gets infested with viruses will only at the end of the day slow down whatever efforts you and your partner are making in other areas to grow and stabilise the union. This is where the Bible’s principle comes in to never allow any issue goes beyond the dusk of that day. Having agreed to spend the rest of your lives together, you both must have the necessary commitment and boldness to confront any issue head-on.  

Another thing that must be appreciated for a marriage to work well is the differences in our persons. Before being part of a couple, you are first a human being, one whose ways of life is set along certain lines as a result of the cultural, social, moral and religious values of the family one emerges from. Knowing that these differences have to be accommodated at every point in time is one of the keys to the success of marriage. These differences are meant to give a relationship or marriage its unique character, hence wise couple have learnt to weave them together to their advantage. 

Also, you must learn the act of being faithful now. It is imperative to the success of a couple’s stay together. There is no way your wife would respect and trust you if you are constantly caught with other women or known to be a liar. Over time, you risk losing your leadership role as the head of the house due to persistent acrimony between you and your wife over unfulfilled promises resulting from infidelity. 

You must at all time see your mate as your best friend, one who has your best interest at heart hence must know everything, including money matters. For this reason, when looking for a life partner, care should be taken to look beyond the physical beauty of that person to what the person has within. The inside qualities are the things that give a person the strength of character to make positive changes in his or her environment. This is what envelops the commitment aspect of any one.

Above all, marriage is tolerance, sacrifices, endurance, patience, understanding, faith, loyalty, mutual respect and responsibility. A marriage laced with suspicions lacks the right foundation to stand the test of time. 

Good luck.