Dear Agatha,
I thank God for creating your kind of person into this world. You are wonderful. Thanks and keep the good work up. I am confused, kindly help me. There is this guy I am currently going out with. He stays in Abuja while I reside in Port Harcourt.
When I met him, he only told his name, state of origin as well as occupation, and nothing more. Whenever I asked him questions about his family or anything about him, he becomes very angry so much so we would end the day with quarrel.
But he demands to know everything about me, while I don’t know anything about him. He said it’s wrong for a lady to ask questions. Is it true? Am I not supposed to know the details about the person I’m going out with? Please help me.
Worried Girl.
Dear Worried Girl,
It isn’t true that a woman isn’t supposed to ask questions about her man. As a matter of fact it is the right of both man and woman to know about the nature and identity of the persons they are dating.
It is abnormal for him to get angry on account of you wanting to know more about him. He isn’t an image or transit visitor in your life. He is the person you are dating and possibly hoping to spend the rest of your life with. If he wants to know everything about you, why is he keeping information away from you?
As it stands now, you are dating an image of this man, because you know next to nothing about him. The information you have on him is nothing to go by at all.
The next time you see him and makes demands on him to know more about him and he gets angry, let him understand that you cannot function or comfortable with the little information you have of him. Let him see your discomfort at the whole thing. If a man is secretive about what is common knowledge to his employers and acquaintances, what guarantees do you have that he would share more fundamental information about his life before meeting you or allow to share in his current life?
At this point you really have nothing to lose, but so much more to gain by insisting on being treated right. It is either he opens up to you or there is no relationship. The danger of ignoring this warning sign is that he will never treat you with the respect you deserve, insist on you making all the sacrifices while he acts as the imperial master in a relationship that you are supposed to be the most important person to him.
It is obvious he has an attitude problem, one that would prevent him from seeing you as a concomitant part of him. Much as the final decision lies with you the simple truth about all these is that, even if you have what it takes to endure all the emotional torture now, it would get to a point of resenting him and everything he represents as a result of his dictatorial attitude.
Relationship is about two persons coming together in trust and respect. If he has any respect for you, he would learn to trust you with information about himself. Information is the first step towards the bonding of a man and woman. If you don’t have information about him, how would you be able to defend the stranger you are involved with? It is the amount of information you have of him that will reduce the distance of the two of you being complete strangers.
My advice is for you to think twice before allowing this relationship to grow deeper than it is to prevent avoidable emotional aches, especially on your side.
It is either he learns to treat you with the respect you deserve now or terminate the association.
Good luck.
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