Dying For Her Younger Sister While She Pesters Me…

Dear Agatha,

There is this lady I have feelings for, though I’m yet to make my intentions known to her. But her elder sister clandestinely parades herself as my lover. She keeps on disturbing me with calls of affection. 

I have no feelings for her whatsoever, because in her younger sister I see everything I want in my woman and I want to express my feelings to her.

How do I stop this troublesome lady without offending the one I love? 

Ajai.

Dear Ajai, 

Since you intend dating the younger sister, be careful you don’t alienate and antagonise her too much. Don’t condemn her for falling in love with you. Like you, she has a right to fall in love. It is unfortunate that you aren’t in a position to return her feelings, but don’t make it appear as something that she should not feel, should not have happened at all. 

The body chemistry is something we don’t have control over. It chooses for us and not us choosing for it. One of the greatest problems you can cause for yourself and this young lady is to mock her for falling in love with you. Remember the old saying that hell has not fury as a woman’s scorn.  Ridiculing her feelings would pitch you against her, making it difficult for you to pursue anything with her younger sister who may, out of fear and solidarity for the family image, reject you for hurting her sister.

What you should therefore do is to be nice to her. Call her to appreciate her interest in you. Follow that by regrets at your inability to reciprocate her feelings for you as well as the explanations that you lack what it takes to give her the kind of happiness her kind of woman deserves. Also tell her she has the qualities that would make a man happy, and that you pray she finds the kind of man that has that special quality to bring out the best in her. 

To demonstrate your regrets, inform her of your desire to be just a friend to her, but for the time being, don’t allow her have any inkling about your interest in her younger sister. To do that would be to cause a major problem for all concerned. 

To help her get over you, use the opportunity of the truce between the two of you to pair her up with a friend of yours, who is really nice, single and caring. Someone you feel could develop something serious with her. The truth remains that you cannot afford to be nasty or haughty to her, not if you are really in love with her younger sister. 

The plain truth is that if you don’t take the time out to properly settle her emotional problems, you will not be able to get through to her sister. 

Because she met and declared her interest in you first, she would always claim to have first call on your time and emotions. So engaging her interest in a rewarding relationship is the only way to ensure her sister gets the freedom to fall in love with you too. 

You must do everything to get on her good side to be able to get through to her sister. 

And in your interest be sure what you feel for the younger sister is true love and not a lustful feeling to get into bed with her. If you are not sure, please don’t try getting onboard to prevent damage in the relationship of these two sisters. 

Good luck.