She Doesn’t Pick My Calls

 Dear Agatha, 

 I read your advice whenever I come into contact with the Independent Newapapers titles. There’s this girl I have been seeing for the past six months. Though we appear very close but in the real sense of it we aren’t as close as I would like us to be.

She’ll not pick my calls and is always in the habit of transferring her anger to me whenever she is provoked by someone else. Recently, I was at home sleeping when she left for a party. 

Don’t know what to do about her.

Martins.

Dear Martins, 

Take each day as it comes. You are both just beginning to discover the content inside the package. What you have been dating in the last six months is the package which you obviously fell in love with. 

Whatever you feel for her will have to go through distilling through the process of knowing her content to help you probably gauge your true feelings for her. 

At this stage, you must be honest and practical. It is the stage initial attraction gives way to reality; to sacrifices and choices; now that you are getting to know the stuff she is made of, do you think you can cope with her through the rest of your life? Do you still consider her packaging as being attractive or just a smokescreen to conceal the ugliness you now find her to be?

In critiquing her be mature enough to admit to your own limitations because we each come with factory-made defects and manuals we are often too lazy to read until we become too set to do anything about self- reformation. 

To appreciate her kind of person, you must have willingness to make things work for you and around you. The success of this relationship would depend on the passion you are ready to invest in it. If you are the kind that is unwilling to do some sorts of investments, you may never really get the kind of woman you want.

Now that you know she has an insensitive temper, one that doesn’t discriminate who gets her venom, do you love her enough to stay around and make her see the harm she is doing to herself as well as the pains she is causing to people who really love her by her habit of transferring aggression to others?

She may not know how deep her attitude is hurting others around her, but your determination could help her just as it would help her learn to put the interest of others before hers.

If you intend having anything permanent with her, begin now to reject those things you will not and never tolerate from her. Don’t allow fear of losing her prevent you from putting your foot down where necessary. Leaving you at home and attending a party isn’t right. The earlier you told her those things you cannot tolerate the better for both of you.

If after all this, she persists in her behaviour, it might be best you take your leave of the relationship to prevent the greater calamity of going through a bitter divorce.

Good luck.

Can You Get Me A Good Girl?

 Dear Agatha, 

Very big thanks for all the good work you have been doing. May the good Lord shower His blessings on you especially in this New Year.

I am in my final year in school, but finds it really hard to keep a girl as I very much believe that every girl has a price, and since then clubbing, partying and using girls have all been an integral part of me; a habit I really want to stop since I have got to that point in my life when I really want to settle down with a good and responsible girl.

Can you hook me up with anyone? My number is 08064866626.

Bright.

Dear Bright, 

In the first place, I don’t run a harem, so I don’t have anyone I can hook you up with. But beyond that is the issue of your attitude to women. It is not just enough waking up and believing that you have got to a stage in life when you require a responsible woman in your life. 

Relationship is more than that. You have to learn first to be responsible to be able to recognise it in another person because what you don’t have, you cannot give. Therefore you must first clear your act before thinking of settling down with a woman.

Because you have had so many women in your life; your perception of responsibility may be different from the definition of others so, the first thing is to get your priorities right. In your mind, what constitutes responsibility? How would you know a woman who is responsible judging from the fact that you lack the experience to deal with one?

You have to know what responsibility means to you first and foremost to guard against you hurting any woman who comes into your life now. Have you given up all the partying and clubbing? What about all the other girls you have used? Are they still part of your life? To keep a responsible lady by your side, you must begin by giving up your old habits. There is no way a woman would take you very seriously in your present state. 

To make your relationship with any woman coming into your life now work, there are certain vital steps you must take; the most important being; changing of your social orientation completely. For your sake and that of the woman; you must be willing to make sacrifices. It is the level of your sacrifices that will determine how compatible you and your new woman would be. 

She will definitely make her own sacrifices, but the most must come from you, else you may not get the right motivation from your woman. What most men don’t know is that in majority of the cases, women get their lead from men. If a woman discovers her man to be the irresponsible type, the kind who doesn’t care, no matter how much she tries, overtime too, she will begin an unconscious process of protecting herself from pains and disappointments by putting up defensive walls around herself. This is why as the head of the relationship; you must provide her with the right kind of leadership to keep her happy and functional. 

It is only after you have done this that you recognise a responsible woman; one you will want to spend the rest of your life with.

Good luck.