She brings her lover to the house

Dear Agatha, 

..

Once my father is away, my stepmother does all kinds of things, including bringing her man friend into the house. Severally, she has hit me for daring to challenge her and has vowed to make life very uncomfortable for us if we dare tell our father what is going on behind him. From her utterances, she doesn’t like our father even though he loves her. Her only interest in our father is the money she gets. She is yet to have a child for our father

About three months ago, she brought her boyfriend to stay with us. She is 27. She told our father that the young man is her cousin and even got her younger brother to back up her lie.

About three weeks ago, whenever she is not around, he tries to touch me. I have done my best to keep him off me; even threatened to tell my father. But I’m worried that if he is unable to force himself on me, that he could harm my younger sister.

My brother and I have decided to tell our father’s brother who is very caring and comes round to see us what is really happening. We figure he would be in the best position to tell our father about it but we confused on how to introduce the topic to our uncle.

Our mother died six years ago.

Rolade.

Dear Rolade,

The earlier you told your uncle, the best for you all.  The longer you and your siblings delay in telling either your father or uncle about what is going on in your home, the greater the danger of your being abused sexually.

Your father will blame you for not saying anything while all these were going on. Don’t stop at telling your uncle about the sexual threats you are facing, let him know that this boy isn’t in anyway related to your stepmother; that he is actually her boyfriend and not the brother she parades him as.

Insist, you and your siblings no longer feel safe staying with your stepmother who is quite capable of harming you all if she thinks she is losing out on your father’s love.

In the interim, until your father makes up his mind on what to do about his wife, you and your siblings would like to stay with your uncle or move into a boarding school. At least, it will put a distance between you all and your stepmother as well as her boyfriend.

Frankly, keeping quiet about everything happening behind your father is like giving your stepmother the support to cheat on your father and kill him when she makes up her mind on how to get his property.

Being the eldest of your siblings, your younger ones are looking up to you to do the right thing for them. Whether you realise it or not, you are not only failing your father but your siblings as well who would definitely be most affected if anything happens to your father. They will never forgive you for being such a weak sister if your stepmother succeeds in eliminating your father.

Your stepmother has the boldness to do as she likes because she knows you are too weak to challenge her or say anything to your father. Your age irrespective, she wouldn’t have dared if she knew you to be a no-nonsense young lady.

Whose interest are you really serving by keeping quiet; your father’s, yours or your stepmother’s? Telling your father about the nature of this woman he calls wife is the only way you can help him come to a realisation of what is more important to him in life. And if that means ending his marriage to this woman, so be it. Have you considered the damage to you or your sister if her boyfriend succeeds in raping you? Nothing in your life or home will ever be the same.

It is best for your father to experience another disappointment in his relationship than to have any of you, his children humiliated, abused or eliminated. Informing him directly or through your uncle is the only way he can offer you the protection you all deserve at your tender ages.

Life isn’t structured by God to be sweet always. It is a mixture of bitterness and sweetness; this is a fact your father knows. Whatever disappointment you are protecting him from, would heal with time.

He doesn’t need you to play mother hen to him; what he wants is for you to be his daughter, ask for his protection and love.

Call that uncle of yours immediately. And please, do call me. If you want me to help inform your uncle and father, I will gladly do it.

Good luck.

Share a problem With Auntie Agatha, gataedo@yahoo.com, agatha.edo@gmail.com Tel: 08054500626