I’m sexually confused

Dear Agatha,

My problem probably isn’t as dire as some of the others published on your
page, but it is serious in a way.
I’m a sexually confused girl. Still a virgin and 20 years old. I
can’t see my future with a girl, but of late I haven’t been attracted to guys at all though I used to. -
But I notice girls all the time. Friends tell me I’ve turned into
something of a man-hater, except for the few guys I can hang out with and be comfortable around.

Lately there is this guy in college I’d been very friendly with. Of late, I have been going through difficult times with most of my friends. Somehow this guy started showing feelings for me. Initially, I didn’t notice but did one day when we went out. He began to act inappropriately towards me but I managed to convey part of my disinterest.

I started ignoring the guy and avoiding him at the same time even though he was harassing me with calls.
He eventually got the message and has been throwing me those annoying glances
in class; it’s all he can do, since I don’t talk to him or even look his way anymore. I feel like throwing
bricks at him because his attitude is annoying me.

And there’s this other guy, who I really like, it started out with me
noticing him and then into admiring everything he does. In my head, he is so sweet anytime he does something for me.

 But I know it will also pass.
Anyway my main question is this; What do I do about the man   who used to be a friend, but turned into a pervert when he tried to manhandle me?
I have no intention of entering a relationship and maybe for that
reason I feel horny, for lack of a better word most of the time. 

I always end up reading Harlequins!  So how do I stop? Is there anything I could do to douse it?

Worried Girl. 

Dear Worried Girl,

What you feel is perfectly normal at your age because you are between the age of curiosity and reality. Your body is demanding for things that are normal but which common sense demands that you don’t do for now.

This is because you are at a precarious stage of your life when any mistake can destroy everything for you.

For some young men and women, it is also normal to go through this period of confusion in your sexual preferences. There is nothing to be ashamed of in feeling horny. Like I said, it is normal as long as you don’t give freedom to it to control you. It is a feeling you can defeat easily as long as you are determined to.

Don’t forget at 20, you are just emerging from the period of heavy parental control to semi independence. You are floating between your childhood years and becoming an adult. Internally your senses are going through emotional revolution; your childhood years are resisting your maturity hormones which in their bid to prepare you for your biological functions are releasing emotionally deadly chemicals into your system.

Sex for you at your age becomes almost like a hunger for a particular kind of fashion. Whether you like it or not, thoughts of having sex will come. But this is where your duty as a responsible young adult comes to heavy play.

Your must learn the art of resisting whatever it is that is going on inside you. It is the only way to develop a clear perception about the kind of things you want to achieve in life and importantly, the kind of partner that will help you in achieving those dreams with the minimal stress.

If you don’t have a dream of who you are, what to be, you risk the danger of allowing any kind of man into your space. The end result is a cocktail of men in your life who lack what it takes to drive you into your success lane in life. For this reason, learn to be firm and properly focused.

None of the young men in your life can make it right for you unless you first of all get it right for yourself.

A man you don’t want in your life, make it clear to him through your attitude. The one you like, learn to be friendly but be careful you don’t give him wrong ideas about what you really have in mind.

At your age, your friends should cut across both genders. The best way to navigate thorny paths in life is to be friendly. Friendship offers you a unique opportunity to study the character and nature of the man.

To really help yourself overcome the sexual burden you have placed on yourself is to stop dwelling on it. Read books that will help you develop normally and grow you in the ways of God.

Your Bible will help you reduce some of those horny feelings you have any day and time.

Once you are able to balance your spiritual with your physical, you will not fail or fall victim of your own desires. When men perceive a signal of sexual desperation in a woman, like the hunters they are they will take on the opportunity to nest but are cautious in their approach when they know the woman isn’t up for grabs or that she knows what she wants from life. Therefore have a dream first before placing sex on the table.

Good luck.

My friends all want my girl

Dear Agatha,

I appreciate your help on relationships. Thanks a million for all your help.  

Please what do I do with my friends who go after my girlfriend asking her to use the opportunity of our misunderstanding to date them?

The guys going after my girlfriend are all aware that we have been dating for period of four years. 

She told me everything my friends did and said when we made up.

Please advice me on what to do to these guys.

Disappointed Friend.

Dear Disappointed Friend,

Welcome to the true nature of life. Life is like a jungle where you have to constantly watch your back for predators.

Rather, than get angry with what your friends did, be happy that they did because it has helped you appreciate who your true friends are.

If this incident didn’t happen, you will still be under illusion that you have dependable friends, people you can count on to in times of trouble.

That they did what they did is an important lesson on knowing who to trust or not.

Such friends come into one’s life to remind us to depend more on God than human beings.

Now that you know the kind of friends that they are, be wise on how to relate with them. Learn to be stingy with the information you give out about yourself and relationship.

Also, use the time you both have to cultivate the attitude of resolving your challenges between yourselves. Your friends attempted to come between both of you because they realized the weak chain in your relationship; which unfortunately, is you.

Whatever information your friends thought they could use in discrediting you where your girlfriend is concerned, were gotten from you.

It isn’t everything happening in your relationship that you or your girlfriend should tell friends.  The secret of every relationship lies in the ability of the couple to settle their differences privately.

It also goes to show that your friends are envious of your relationship; a good reason for you as the man to depend more in your judgment. That your friend said all those things about you underscores the carelessness in which you talk.

You are lucky that your woman is disciplined else, you would have lost everything.

However, this incident puts your person on the stage. What kind of friend are you? if all your friends were determined to ruin your relationship of four years, then something is really wrong too with your own person. Most times friends are a reflection of who we are. What kind of friend are you to other people? Can they trust you with their women or situation? Look back to the past for explanations on what could have informed your friends’ behavior as well as their desire to see you get hurt.

Can you remember what it is?Going down memory lane will help you know how to proceed with such friends. As a matter of fact, making attempts to fight them would be giving them a reason to say they got to you. Pretend, you aren’t aware of what they tried to do to you and your relationship.

When around them, cuddle your woman the more, allowing them to witness the kind of deep understanding you both have been able to build over the years. There is no sweeter revenge seeing that rather than succeed in destroying you, they have only succeeded in bringing you both together.

It will also help shape you into a better person.

Good luck.