How do I stop this insanity?

Dear Agatha, 

This problem doesn’t concern me directly but it will affect my sister if it eventually blows open.

It has to do with the sister to my sister’s husband and our neighbor. About three weeks ago, I came back home from an errand my sister sent me to find our flat locked.

I didn’t find the key where we normally leave it so I went downstairs to ask the security man if my sister’s sister-in-law left the key with him. He replied that she hasn’t come down all day. As I was going back upstairs to knock harder on the door; thinking she may have slept off, I saw her and the married man opposite our flat kissing at the top of the stairs. They quickly disengaged when they heard my steps.

I pretended not to have seen them in order not to embarrass both of them. Besides, she was a lot older than I am. When I tried to question her about what I saw, she shut me up with a slap; telling me to mind my business. She also threatened to deal with me should I tell anybody about her affair with the man.

I am however bothered because of the problems that will occur should the wife of the man finds out about the affair.  Other neighbours may not notice because we are at top flats and share the same passage.

Once everybody is out of the house, she migrates into this man’s flat. I don’t know what he does for a living but he is home most of the time. His wife leaves the house as early as 6 a.m. and comes back very late. They have only a child, a five year old son he takes to school in the morning after which he comes back home.

I’m scared. My friend I told about the incident said I should alert my sister about it arguing that I am aiding and abetting her to destroy another woman’s home by my silence.

I am so very confused about it. Please help me. I am 16 while she is 22. What should I do?

Derin.

Dear Derin,

This is something you can handle on your own without involving your sister or husband. Since she has decided to use force and threats, there is nothing stopping you from doing same in getting her to listen to your opinion.

But you must get this clear; it is her life hence she has a right to do whatever she pleases with it. Your interest in her life begins and ends with the implication on your sister and family should the man’s wife discover she is having an affair with her husband.

Explain to her that if the affair involved someone else, not known to the family, you wouldn’t have bothered with what she does with her life.

Make it clear to her too that the next time she slaps you on account of her relationship with this man, you will have no choice but to inform your sister and brother-in-law about the affair she is having with their neighbor.

Let her understand that you are not trying to ply into her affairs but to stop everybody being embarrassed by her conduct should the affair blow open and becomes public knowledge. Make her understand that it is one thing to be in an affair with a married man and another thing entirely for the affair to be going on in the woman’s matrimonial home.

Ask her how she would feel if she is the other woman? How would she feel going out to work all day and coming back home to the knowledge of another woman sharing her husband right in her home?

She may not want to listen to you but make her understand the gravity of what she is doing not just to herself but to the entire family who maybe forced to move houses as a result of the scandal that normally follows such a situation.

If she fails to listen to you, you may have no choice but to tell your sister about it. Telling your sister will free you from the guilt of not telling her as well as the burden your knowledge of the affair between both of them has placed on you.

By then it would be the decision of your elder sister to confront her sister-in-law or inform her husband about the illegal affair going on between his sister and their neighbor.

As for you, mind your business and concentrate on the business that brought you to your sister’s house. To pry too much is to distract yourself from that thing most important to you in life.

If at the end of the day, you don’t think you want to be fingered as a gossip in the whole episode, try to ignore her completely.

Good luck.

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