Is it proper to call him?

Dear Agatha,

Thank God for your life. While serving last year, I dated a guy; unfortunately, our relationship didn’t work out. 

In December, last year, another guy I served with and who is more an acquaintance, than a friend, informed me of his interest in me. According to him, he developed interest in me after we passed out.  

I told him to give me time to think about his offer but he was too hasty about the whole thing insisting his mother was on his neck to get married. He said he didn’t want his mother getting him someone he didn’t like and that he has already informed his parents about me. 

This scared me. Since I wasn’t sure about him; I delayed my response to him on the matter. Since then, he has kept sending pings to my phone. Because of the tempo of his pressures, I became confused and told him that the relationship won’t work. He said I was wicked and we stopped communicating. A month later, he called to inform me that he can’t get me out of his mind. I
still told him to give me time, and he promised to.

Strangely, he hasn’t called to ask about my reply. The question is this, should I call him or text him about my interest, because I want to give him a chance or wait for his call? 

Another thing is that he got a girl pregnant while we were serving and that was a scandal. Do you think he loves me or trying to get me because of his parents? Is it right to get involved with a guy who has a baby outside wedlock? According to him, he said the parents of the girl refused him marrying her. What do you suggest I do?
Ms Chi.

Dear Ms Chi,

The all important question here is, what do you want? When he was pressurizing you on giving him an instant reply, you got angry with him for being too much in a haste and now that he has given you the freedom in the whole world to work out your feelings for him, you are still not comfortable.

What do you want him to do? He appears to have learnt from his first mistake hence is not about to get on your wrong side by coercing you into giving him an answer you aren’t prepared to give.

Since you asked for time, you are the one who should call him to tell him the decisions you have made concerning his request.

If you don’t call, he may just assume that you are either not ready or interested in dating him.

So if you want to give him a chance in your life; let him know your new position concerning him.

And you should before his interest in you wanes.

As for the question of whether he wants you for himself or is asking you out just to please his parents; I don’t think so. In the first place, his parents don’t know you and weren’t instrumental to generating his interest in you. Had you been a protégée of his parents’, your line of thoughts would have had some merits but since they don’t know you or has any inkling into your character, there is no need for you to think along that line.

Yes, his parents may have motivated his interest in marriage, but certainly not in you. If you have identified something you like in him, give both of you the chance to discover yourselves with a view of seeing how far you can push this relationship.

There is nothing wrong in getting involved with a man or woman who has had a child. What you should concern yourself with, is the understanding between this man and the mother of his child. You would have been worried if he denied the pregnancy or refused to acknowledge the child. The fact that he offered to marry the lady, is a good sign that he is a trustworthy man.

The fault didn’t come from him. The girl’s parents, according to you refused their daughter marrying him.

If they hadn’t opposed him, perhaps, he would by now be married.

The fact that he came back and humbly doing your bidding as you requested, shows he has certain amount of true feelings for you. The whole essence of a relationship cannot be realized in a day. It takes time to water a good relationship to maturity. By the time you are with him for sometime, you will be able to answer by yourself some of the issues bothering your heart. Suffice to say, there is no relationship without challenges or sacrifices.

At this early beginning, both of you should spell out what you expect from each other as well as the limits you are prepared to go.

As long as you know what you want and have placed your plans in the hands of God, don’t worry.

Good luck.

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