He is despondent

Dear Agatha, I met this man I am dating some few months ago. We live in different towns. He is in Uyo while I am in Calabar. I met him when I was in Uyo. He is so wonderful and amazing. We are very compatible and perfect for each other. I love him very much. Two months ago, he relocated from Uyo to Calabar because his business wasn’t doing too well in that town. He is into telecommunications business. He felt he needed a change of environment. He is a very lively and playful person. We play a lot even when we talk on phone but recently I noticed he has become withdrawn, cold and reserved. He opened up to me that things were rough with his business and that his life was as a result at a standstill. The more I try to encourage him, the more despondent he becomes. This has affected our relationship especially in the area of communication. When I pointed this out to him, he pleaded with me to be patient and to understand his situation. He keeps reassuring me that he loves me so much. I feel bad that I can’t fix his problem. I feel so useless to him. He ignored my calls sometime last week but later sent me a text that he wasn’t happy to talk. Please help me since I don’t know what to do. Worried Girl. Dear Worried Girl, The worst kind of man to be with; is the one going through some financial crisis. In this state, he is like a wounded lion because this kind of situation touches on his ego as man. Under this kind of state, don’t expect him to be loving or romantic. As a matter of fact, anything you say may ignite his temper so walk wisely around him like a tender egg. When a man finds himself unable to provide for himself let alone meet up with the expectations of those closest to his heart, he becomes moody, sometimes violent and if care isn’t taken by the woman in his life to gently coach him back into the realities of life, he could take up some social vices, like drinking. Even if he isn’t saying it, he needs you now more than ever before. One of the things that come with love is diligence. You have to learn to ensure this situation without complains or regrets. It is the only way you can bring him from the all time low he has fallen into. If you too begin to feel regrets about your not having money to help him come back on his feet, how are you going to talk him out of this mood? How are you going to make him have a reason to fight on? One thing both of you; especially you, must realize are the different seasons in life and the kind of destinies we each carries into the world with. While some people are meant to go through their challenges early in life, some go through it in the afternoon season of their lives while others have the twilight experience. Life wasn’t meant by God to be smooth sailing. No matter how successful an individual appears to be, there is always one or two challenges he or she is facing secretly. It is the grace of God that makes the difference in life. Besides, every success must have a tale of struggle, sacrifices, endurance, vision and determination. Without these, true success cannot be accomplished. Rather than allow the situation to overwhelm him, encourage your boyfriend to go back to the drawing board as every area has its inherent blessings. What works in one area may not succeed in another environment. Surely there are business options that are working very well in Calabar. It is finding out what they are and how he can influence or inculcate his telecommunication background into the existing business climate in the town. It might just be a simple case of introducing something different into his business line. Besides, there is no community that isn’t thirsting for telecommunication business. It is a viable business that can take him places provided it is in line with what God wants for him. You also must make him understand that it takes a while to make the kind of impact he wants in a new environment. Nobody likes doing business with someone who isn’t known; this is why even multi-national companies spend a lot of money on public relations and advertisements. He has to first earn the trust of the different publics he intends to deal with before he can talk of success. By this, he has to rebrand and introduce a kind of incentive to make him more attractive than his existing rivals. For now, he cannot afford to sell at the same price those he met there, sell. Tell him to drop his price a little bit and to tempt people with a kind of gift. This works excellently well because we are wired by God to go all emotional when someone shows appreciation to us through gifts. The offer of a gift will make some individuals give him a listening ear they would never have done. Call it bribe, but it falls under public relations. Every business needs the support of the people to grow. This is the time for you as his woman to put on your thinking cap. How can you help him improve on his business ideas? Again, you must also consider his passion for it. This is because passion makes the difference between failure and success. Deep down, is he in the right kind? Do you think he could have done better in another kind of venture? From experience, God usually use these kinds of situations to urge us to consider something else. Why not help him pray for the right direction? He may not be in the right kind of business God designed for him. While God has used the sales of something as mundane as pure water to bless some people, others, not designed to go into that kind of business whowent into it without asking God first, ended up in huge debts. Life is about aligning with the will of God and not necessarily the capital for the business. But until he comes to that realization, you must dream of something to remove his mind from his immediate worry. To do this perfectly, you have first to steel yourself against his mood swings. If he refuses to answer your calls, don’t worry. Send him a text message of encouragement instead. If he appears irritated at nothing in particular, quietly sit at a corner when you come to visit him, to read a book. Go with books you know would encourage him to beat his habits. You may not succeed in getting him in his present mood to read but leaving the books in strategic places will attract him to read eventually. Also dream of exciting places to take him to so he can relax and leave the prison of worries and disappointments he has sentenced himself to. Being new in the area, he may not have friends to help him through this difficult phase in his life. Having been in that town for a while, you might know one or two persons who are progressive in their thoughts to include in your outing plan to help him through all these. We all need people who can influence us positively. You cannot do this on your own without external help; sometimes, from men who have gone through similar situations. And if you ever love him, this is the time for you to show him how much. There is no battle extreme patience hasn’t won. Patience breeds respect, tolerance and endurance. You will need all these qualities to make this relationship survive this trying time. Rest assured that only the toughest survives a raging storm. More than ever before; you need to remain calm and trusting in the Lord, to get him out of this state. Good luck.