I slept with my father’s wife

Dear Agatha, My father died three months ago and was buried that same day according to Muslim rites. His was a polygamist and his last wife was my former girlfriend while we were in the university. I wasn’t in the country when he married her. When I came back to discover my father’s newest wife was my former girlfriend, there was nothing I could do especially as both of them were oblivious of my links with either of them. Seeing her again brought back all my old feelings for her. I wanted her in a way I simply couldn’t explain. Since I want solutions to my problems, I won’t conceal facts from you. Twice when my father was out of town, I slept with her. As a matter of fact, the night before my father passed on, we were together. My father died in the evening of the next day after he came back from his trip. Before he died, he called me aside to demand the truth regarding my relationship with his last wife; I pretended not to understand his question. He told me to go but placed a curse on me that my sons will do what I did to him. I still refused to confess. After his death, I still slept with the woman and now, she is pregnant. We had twice aborted the pregnancy but we keep discovering the attempts didn’t work despite the doctors being experts in this field. The current doctor we went to bluntly refused to do anything insisting that in our interest we should keep the pregnancy or both of us would die in the process. My mother who is the first wife of my father recently called me to confide in her my relationship with my father’s last wife. She said since my father died, she has been having terrible dreams of him vowing to disgrace me for sleeping with his wife. And that nothing I do will be able to terminate the pregnancy and that unless I publicly confess, she will never be able to put to bed. One of the spiritualists my mother consults too said the same thing. The issue now is, I want to get rid of the pregnancy before it becomes obvious. Agatha, I am so confused about the next step of action. I would have told her to pack out of the house but my father left instruction that none of his children who are below 20 should leave his house. She has a set of twins below three years of age for my father. In addition my business since the death of my father has nose-dived. I cannot explain what I did with my inheritance of N10m or how the house he left to me caught fire. Things are not just working well for me. How can you help me resolve this problem? I want my peace back but so helpless on what to do. The pressures on me are getting too much so much so I now talk to myself in public. My friends are all concerned as they think I am going insane but at home I behave normally, the reason I can send you this mail. Please help me. I met her first before she married my father. Ibrahim. Dear Ibrahim, In life, the sleeping part is usually the easiest side of the story but the consequences that follow are often more serious than can be imagined. What started out as fun for you has become such a huge challenge not just for you but for everybody. Whether you admit to having a sexual relationship with the wife of your late father or not, the fact that she is pregnant will unearth the truth so why not admit it now and save yourself the attendant embarrassment of it becoming a public affair? Why resist the truth when it is obvious that it is the only way you can have freedom from the curse you unwittingly placed on yourself through your greed for your father’s wife? The issue on ground goes beyond your meeting her first. Whatever the intimacy you both shared in the past, ceased to matter when she became your stepmother. The fact that she married your father not knowing you were his son was enough reason for you to bury whatever feelings you had for her in the past. Besides, it wasn’t as if you were both together hence felt betrayed or had any justification to continue with her where you both stopped. From your story it was long over between the two of you. Even at that, the moment you discovered that she and your father were married, you should have ran as far as your legs could carry you. Only a bastard behaves the way you did. Sleeping with your father’s wife is enough abomination, sleeping with her under his roof goes beyond any logical thinking. What were you thinking? That you could get away with such outright disrespect for your father? Even if the woman in question weren’t your stepmother, the fact that she belonged to another man should have warned you off her. You defiled your father’s bed and marriage by sleeping with his wife. Granted a woman determined to have a man can go to any length but wisdom should have made you flee the house immediately you discovered the situation. I am sure if you had told your mother, she would have insisted you left home to avoid the temptation your memories of each other would present. And when your father called you aside to question you about your relationship with his last wife, was the opportunity for you to open up to him and beg for his forgiveness. Had you done that, perhaps your father might have forgiven you especially after discovering that both of you were once lovers. Being a matured man, he would have found a way around the problem of both father and son sleeping with the same woman; a taboo in itself. To avoid her dying on you as well as halting your harvest of calamities, go back to your mother and confess what you and your stepmother did. As it stands, your little adventure with her is no longer hidden; your mother like your father is in the know, just giving you the opportunity to admit to it. Why not take the opportunity of the grace being offered you to tell the truth? If within three months of his death, you have lost so much, imagine the kinds of things awaiting you if you continue to play stubborn. Whatever it will take to protect the life of that innocent child inside of her, do it. Besides, it would be an affront to the memories of your father if she continues to stay in his house while pregnant for you. Irrespective of the stipulations of your father, go and get her a place and take on the responsibilities of her twins. There is an adage that when a boy is grown enough to appreciate the backside of a woman, he should be old enough to shoulder the responsibilities that come from such a desire. Since you didn’t consider it an eyesore to sleep with your father’s wife, be bold enough to take on the liability that goes with the package. In this kind of situation, you need the guidance of your spiritual leader. Being a Muslim, this is the time for you to go to your imam to confess what you did and to seek for spiritual direction from him. He definitely is in a very good position to stand in gap for you. True repentance is what will make the difference in this situation. Once you are able to admit to the truth, beg the dead for forgiveness, you might just find a way out of your problem. Good luck.