What is wrong with me?

Dear Agatha, I am a boy of 19. I don’t last more than the first few minutes whenever I have sex with a woman. I don’t know what is happening to me. What can I do to improve performance and strength? Toheeb. Dear Toheeb, At your age, you are yet to come to the full understanding of what sex and lovemaking is. For you, your excitement is your conquest, which unfortunately is not a good reason for intimacy between a woman and man. Like your teenage years, sex is still shrouded in fun and plenty of excitement. You have no plan for it hence you cannot attain the height a matured man would achieve. To unlock and point you to the heart of your problem; answer these questions: what do you hope to achieve by having sex with a woman at your age? What do you plan to do with the consequences of it? Beyond having the pleasures of her body, what other plans do you have for the girl you are doing it with? In addition, what is your state of mind when doing it? Doubtless at your age, the girl you are having sex with is just as in a hurry to complete the act to escape notice or conclude whatever assignment given her by her parents or guardian before making a detour to your love-nest. Life is sectioned into seasons. There is no getting it right until you come into the season assigned to a particular thing in life. Experimental sex will never give you the same result as valued sex. It comes with age; control and reason for it. When something is being done for the fun of it, there is no way it can give the same result as when doing it for the right reason. Once you stop seeing girls as play things, something to conquer and begin to see them as persons with emotions, intellect and valuable partners in life, so many things about your sex life will improve. By then, you won’t want to rush over sex but take your time in getting to know how the woman you are with, feels about you and what you are both doing. Quality sex abhors selfishness and excitement at having another conquest. You must learn to talk and acquaint yourself with the mindset of your partner, and factor her feelings into whatever you are doing, by seeking her opinion as well as her challenges before you can get the best of her. Her fears of the outcome of your act, you as the man must first be addressed. Without all these out of the way, the instinct of the woman with you will not be fully tuned into what you have in mind. All these are factors that influence the quality of a man’s performance. You cannot go beyond your current feat because once the excitement of being with your woman wears off, there is nothing else to stimulate your next action, hence your inability to go beyond the point you currently achieve and like a flash in the pan, you are out and extinguished for another particular show. If it is any help, the more responsibilities you attach to sex, the better you become at it until you get to that point when you see sex as a special gift between a man and woman who care so much about each other and want to be together always. By the time you get there, you will discover that you don’t need anything to motivate you; that wanting to express love through sex to that special woman in your life comes naturally. Until you get to that point, it will always be a touch and go situation. At 19, you still have a lot to learn from life. But while you wait to get to that point, be careful you don’t become a premature father else, your anger at being a father when you are least prepared for it, will always come between you and finding complete peace with your person. Good luck.