What do I do?

Dear Agatha, I am in a very big fix. My wedding is only three weeks away but I am finding it impossible to concentrate on the arrangements or stimulate for that matter, the necessary excitement towards the bride. It all started at about a month ago when I ran into my ex-girlfriend. Ironically, when we were in school, I wasn’t too serious about her despite everything she did to demonstrate her love for me. I simply wasn’t into her at all. A lot of my friends didn’t like the way I was treating her then. I can still recall my best friend telling me back then after she came into my flat one day and met another girl. She left in agony and embarrassment because I simply didn’t care about what she felt meeting this other lady. My friend who witnessed it all said I would one day regret the way I was treating her. I brushed his observations aside. Although she came back after that; I knew something had changed in her. It wasn’t something one could pinpoint but, she was not the same woman I knew. For a while she disappeared. I didn’t bother to look for her because I was really glad she was at last off my back. A year later, she came to my office to inform me of her pending marriage. Strangely, I didn’t feel excitement at the news. I simply didn’t like the idea that she was getting married at all or another man coming close to her at all. The feeling was so powerful and strange; I couldn’t explain where it was coming from or the reason for it. This woman I never felt anything strong for? A woman I regarded simply as a good bedmate? I wondered why I was developing intense hatred for the man I have never met; the one she would be spending the rest of her live with? Casting away my gloom, I pretended to be happy for her and even took her out to celebrate. It was a big mistake as the food tasted like ashes in my mouth. Needless to say, I didn’t attend the wedding. When I told my friend about the incident and the way I felt about it, he didn’t express any sympathy for me; instead he reminded me of how badly I treated her. It was a while, four years precisely that I was able get thoughts of her off my mind. Once I did, I promptly proposed to the lady I was dating. It was while shopping in one of the highbrow unisex boutiques that I ran into my ex. The moment I saw her, I knew my marriage plans were moribund. I wanted her like I have never wanted any woman in my life. It was then it dawned on me that I have always loved her and that she remains the only woman who has been able to touch something very deep within me. I realized that all the time I wanted her out of my life was because I was afraid to love and was trying to fight against my feelings for her. Hugging her that afternoon did something to me. I planted a big kiss on her lips which strangely she returned with the same measure of thirst I felt for her. Somehow, I didn’t want her to know I was planning a wedding; I feared that piece of information would drive her away from me and I would never see her again. But I didn’t want to lie or hurt her should she get to find out from another source. We ended up in a food outlet where she told me about the collapse of her marriage after six months. The man has since remarried while she is still single. She ended up saying she shouldn’t have gone into it in the first place. At that juncture, I had no choice but to inform her about my pending wedding. She wished me well but told me she wouldn’t be able to make it as she would be out of town that weekend. Agatha, after that chance meeting; l lost interest in getting married to any other woman. I realized she will forever be the only woman for me. I want her for keeps. My best friend says I shouldn’t go ahead with the marriage feeling this way about my ex. He says, it would be best to disappoint my would-be-wife now than make both of us unhappy forever. My parents have given me the go ahead to put all wedding plans on hold if I am convinced that she isn’t the right woman for me. Their position is the same with that of my best friend. My mother says she would rather face the embarrassment now that have me being unhappy thereafter. Agatha, I am a bundle of confusion now. I can’t think straight. Is something wrong with me? Can I still go ahead with the wedding or do you think I should terminate it and marry the woman I am very sure would make a very good wife? I love my ex with everything in me. Please help me. The wedding with the other fixed for Saturday, June 1st. I don’t have much time on my hands. Your prompt response is needed. Edward. Dear Edward, Love is one emotion that makes the most wise among us act foolishly. True love can be very humbling. As you must have found out, you don’t get to choose love, instead it does the choosing. Most times, love gives to us people we would ordinarily not want within miles of our radius. When you had her at your side, you never did appreciate her because you were trying to select who you fall in love with. Thank God you discovered each other again because you made another mistake of marrying the wrong woman and making everybody unhappy at the end of it all. Since her ex husband has remarried, she is free to remarry. But before you contact your ex, call the woman in your life now and who would have become your wife if providence hadn’t stepped in to explain your feelings and regrets to her. Don’t expect her to pat you on the back because the timing is very wrong. But it is better than leading the poor woman into a marriage you know will never work. Explain to her that giving what you currently feel, your marriage to her will never work and that you will never be faithful to her. She is bound to be bitter, dejected and pained at whatever you have to say so beg her to forgive you because she really doesn’t deserve this treatment at all. You also owe her family a lot of apologies. It won’t be easy for them at all. Don’t neglect the fact that already they view their daughter married. Having it extinguished before it becomes reality would really affect them all. It is going to be a lot of anguish for the whole family so be mindful of how you present the matter to them. Much as you cannot help your feelings, you can help lessen the pains by what you say and how you say it. The situation you find yourself is very precarious so be careful how you go about it. As a matter of fact, get your parents involved. Your mother should go and see her mother first. Women have a way of tackling these things. A word of caution here; don’t tell them you have found someone else or flaunt your relationship with your ex now out of respect for the feelings of this woman and her family members. It would amount to rubbing salt on an open injury. Ditching her few days to her wedding could make her harm herself or go into deep depression. Finding out you did it because of another woman could make her go berserk. You owe it to her, if for nothing to be discreet so she can heal faster and have the confidence to fall in love with another man again. It is you that isn’t in love with her; for all you know, she might be so much in love with you. If you can afford it, relocate to another place. Though she may never want to see you again, but follow up your physical apologies with a letter detailing all her unique qualities and how you wish things didn’t end this way. Let her know she would one day thank you for causing these pains when she finds that special man that has what you don’t have to make her very happy. It is extremely important you do your best to make her reasons with you, if not now but later in life. While you pray for God’s blessings in your current relationship, plead with God to find a perfect replacement for you in her life. Good luck.