She is a difficult woman

Dear Agatha, I need your advice on this issue please. I met my girlfriend in 2011. When I made known my interest in her, she told me, she was in an existing relationship. Because I love her so much and wish to marry her, I waited a year because of her. Finally, she came to inform me that she had broken up with the guy. I was very happy and welcomed her. But the problem is, she invited me to her house on her birthday, and introduced me to her family and cousins. Now she wants to meet my family though she communicates with them on the phone. My problem is; everybody in my family says she is jovial, nice, cool and friendly but to me, she is a hard-nut to crack and she never gives me time the way she gives my family and friends. Though she told me what she went through with her ex, I don’t know if she loves me or just being cautious. I’m so confused. Segun. Dear Segun, Patience wins the race. If she had issues with her former boyfriend, experienced certain kinds of pressures, it follows she would want to be a little cautious in handling her relationship with you. Don’t forget you have had time to express, nurse and grow your love for her. She is just beginning to get to know you as well as nurture her feelings for you. In addition, she may also be trying to avoid some of the mistakes she made in her former relationship. But one thing is for sure, she has certain feelings and trust in you to make her bring you home to her family. If she isn’t serious about you, she won’t take the risk of introducing you to her family because of the implications inherent in exposing her relationship to them. If she is demanding you do the same, it means she is ready for something serious with you. Introducing you to her family is her way of communicating her seriousness to you. Demanding that she too would want to meet with your family members is an indication she wants to be happy after, in this relationship. From your story, if there is anyone who should be worried in this relationship, it is this lady whose demand you take her to meet with your family, is yet to be met by you. Meeting them isn’t the same as talking with them on the phone. In addition, if your family describes her as being friendly and jovial, then she must be. Which brings us to the issue of why you think she doesn’t love. Precisely what is giving you the impression? Her attitude towards you or the fact that she appears a little bit complex for you to handle? Part of what you fell for is her complexity. Something in her must have arrested your heart to make you wait for her for the length of time that you did. There is no relationship without its ups and downs. Every relationship comes with certain measure of sacrifices; one you must be ready to make for the sake of the future you plan with this woman. Just like you have your own weak and strong points, she has hers too. Rather than get discouraged by the little of her that you have seen, encourage her to talk about her wants and dislikes. From this early, inculcate the habit of open dialogue. Just as you are apprehensive about her, she too may have noticed certain things in your attitude making her cautious of you. But if you begin early to discuss with her some of your fears about her personality, it would not only help your relationship become better, but also assist you a lot in having a deeper understanding into her person. You may find out that the thing frightening you about her, could be the things that will in later years give you so much pleasure. A viable and successful relationship is one grown with patience, tolerance, understanding, selflessness, trust and prayers. There is no way you can get the best of her if you don’t give her the freedom to first be who she is, before being part of you. It is also imperative you allow her to heal from all the experiences from her former relationship by trying not to force her into a situation she doesn’t want. Besides, every good fruit needs time to ripe. You also need to examine yourself so that you can appreciate her the way your family members are doing. The problem may not really be from her but from your own end. Many a time, when we have problems with our attitudes to life, we often fail to notice the goodness in people around us. This maybe why you think she is too hard a nut for you to crack. Again you have to examine the kind of woman you want in your life. Do you want a woman who will constantly submit to you without asking questions or the kind that has the initiative to take certain decisions on her own? The reason you could be finding her difficult, may be in your own perception of women. If you are the kind of man who is more at home with a woman who depends on her man for the most mundane things, it might be difficult for you to appreciate her kind of person. Sincerely, her problem has to do with your position on women. Be frank on what you want from this woman in your life. Good luck.