He wants me to abort this pregnancy again

Dear Agatha. I have been dating my boyfriend for almost seven years and have aborted so many pregnancies for him. He traveled out of the country last year, came back this year and almost immediately I got pregnant again. To my pains, when I informed him about the development, he asked me to go and terminate the pregnancy again. I declined and informed his parents as well as mine about my state. They all warned me not to tamper with the pregnancy. The issue is, my so called boyfriend is not considerate at all. He and I know the number of pregnancies I have terminated on his instruction. He is insisting I remove this one or face being maltreated by him. Secondly, we have been thinking of renting an apartment for me but whenever we see any, he will disqualify it by saying he doesn’t have much money on him whereas he has money to spend on buying drinks for his friends. What baffles me is that he likes to spend on his friends and family members but finds it difficult to spend on himself or on anything that will benefit both of us. Once it comes to spending on himself or me, he will begin to complain of lack of money. He is also fond of beating me up at the slightest excuse, cursing and calling me all sorts of names. His parents keep urging me to be patient. I am six weeks gone and he is still insisting he won’t pay rent on any apartment for me. He says if I cannot stay in the family house, I should go and stay with my parents. He doesn’t care about me or the baby I’m carrying for him. I am seriously thinking of having an abortion and ending the relationship because I cannot see him settling down into any marriage. All he wants, is to spend lavishly on his friends and drinks. He is fond of abusing me and my family members. I don’t think I can cope with his attitude any longer. In fairness he has done so much for me but for him and God I wouldn’t be where I am today. I don’t want to disgrace my family. Please help me. Nifemi. Dear Nifemi, There are too many complications in your life now. The best thing is to tackle them one at a time. The most important thing in all these is, that baby you are carrying inside of you. It is high time you gave a thought to it. Whether you and your man are having it rough or not, it is immaterial now; what is, is the kind of life you plan for this baby and you. It is obvious from all indices that your man isn’t ready to be responsible for you and this child so the onus is on you to map a kind of life for the baby. Besides, you need to protect your child from all the violence between you and your man. To do this right, you must be ready to be dispassionate about so many things including the kind of feelings you have for the father. If you want a good life for this child, one that will erase all the pains you are suffering now or the shame of having to take charge of the child alone, you must learn to be strong. And it begins now, from you deleting the thoughts of aborting this pregnancy from your mind. Be resolute that this child must live to become your compensation for all the pains of aborting all the previous pregnancies as well as for the mess your relationship with the father has become. Even though you have more of the blame by refusing to protect yourself against unwanted pregnancies after he insisted you abort the first one, it isn’t too late to make the necessary amendments. For all you know, this may be your last pregnancy in life. As it stands, he doesn’t have anything to lose because by the time he is ready to settle down, he can get any woman to have children for him. But should you go for this abortion as you are now contemplating and anything happens to you, you will be the one living with the regrets and consequences for life. Sometimes, it isn’t the visible things that go wrong that bring the headache. It is those inexplicable things that prevent a woman from getting pregnant; the kinds of humiliating tests and different concoctions she is made to drink coupled with the killing thoughts that she could be paying for the different abortions she did. Ask those women who are looking for children and you will know how lucky you are to be pregnant after the number of abortions you have had. If for nothing else, consider the special grace God has given you to be a mother and make the decision to keep this child irrespective of the behavior of the man who helped in its conception. Make your peace with God by resisting the urge to trash everything that reminds you of the seven years you spent with him. Your being pregnant is a grace God has given you; don’t abuse it after fighting so hard to keep it. The fact that his parents know about the pregnancy should be enough for you now. If they are serious, let them help you get a place to stay but, if they are not, plead with your parents to let you stay with them until the baby is born and you are able to find stand on your feet again. It isn’t as if you cannot point out the father of the child; just that he isn’t responsible enough to live up to his responsibilities as a man and father. So the issue of disgrace doesn’t arise at all. There is no relationship without failed expectations. It is better to outlive a bad relationship than to be killed in it. There are no garlands for dying in a bad relationship. You will only be labeled a foolish woman if you insist on staying in an abusive relationship. End everything that has to do with him. He is misbehaving because he thinks you cannot live without him. Show him that like everywoman, you are blessed with an extra strength to survive. It is just a matter of developing your default programming to make this work for you. Make this child yours; invest love, kindness, strength into him or her. But, there is something wrong with your boyfriend; something that goes deep into his past. There is nothing you can do but to pray for him because it goes beyond him. He doesn’t even know there is something wrong with him; determined on destroying him which is why he cannot spend his money on himself or anything that will benefit him. Because he is the father of your unborn baby, he needs your prayer to protect your child from whatever curse is upon him. This is important for your well being later in life. His parents cannot be happy at the kind of life he is living and would definitely have been happier if things were more settled with him. So insure your child by praying for the father. In all these you too must accept your faults and learn from them. That baby apart from being your special gift will always remind you of the pains and prize a woman pays for not planning her life. Life is about learning from our numerous mistakes. Once you are able to refocus, you will come out of this situation smelling roses. Just trust God by giving Him the chance to do what He has started through this child you are carrying inside of you. Good luck.