After rejecting me; they now desire my forgiveness

With Auntie Agatha, gataedo@yahoo.com, agatha.edo@gmail.com, Tel: 08054500626 Dear Agatha, I don’t know how the world would perceive me but I have nowhere else to go but to seek help from you. I have two children from my failed marriage and since then, I have been solely responsible for the up keep of my children. My parents though well to do turn their back on me for marrying outside their choice for me. This provided my husband the perfect background to maltreat me and even invite other women into our matrimonial home. When I couldn’t take anymore of it, I packed out and since then have been on my own. The beginning was really rough for me since I couldn’t take up any job that will take me far from my children. Severally, I tried to go back to my parents for help but, they wouldn’t listen. My mother especially was very hostile because all along she wanted me to marry her best-friend’s son. My younger sister eventually married him and today she is dead as a result of a domestic accident she had when they were fighting. From what I heard, the boy is on drugs and was at one time in rehabilitation home in England. This fact was unknown to my parents until the incident that killed my sister. Not even my late sister looked my way. Although it was just she and I, she supported our parents’ decision to turn their backs on me. There is this incident I remember clearly; when my son was five months old, I couldn’t raise the money to take him to the hospital for his immunization because all the money I had went into paying for an accommodation. I took my daughter and son to see my parents, my mother called them bastards and instructed the gateman to lock the gate against us. It was our neighbor that eventually gave me money and told her driver to take us back home. Since then, this woman has been a pillar of support; always sending money to me as well as food. At times, she would send the driver to give me money for children’s fees. I don’t know what I would have done without her help and assistance. She actually introduced me to the business of buying and selling. She would give me clothes on credit to sell. Eventually through this assistance, I was able to open my own boutique near the house. Now I have three of such shops. Till date, she still gives me things on credit at the cost price she buys. It was through her I got to know about my sister’s death two years ago. I immediately went to see my parents but my mother accused me of coming to mock her and warned me never to come again into her house. Since then, I deleted all their numbers, tore up every picture I have of them. It was more than I could endure. I must have succeeded because I didn’t know my mother was seriously ill or that my father had a family outside us. But before Christmas, our neigbour requested I followed her to see an old friend of her family. I didn’t hesitate at all. By the time we got to the place, I recognized the house as belonging to my aunty, my mother’s younger sister. I didn’t want to go in but our neigbour urged me in. I met my mother looking very old on the sofa. She wanted me to sit by her but I declined and instead sat by the chair nearest the door. She wants me to forgive her and take her back as my mother. According to my aunty, everywhere they took her to, she was told to reconcile with me and my children if she wants to live. My father too has been calling me but I have refused to answer his call. He sent a text message that I should see him urgently; that he would have come if he knew where I was. Please help me because I am confused. I made a vow never to have anything to do with them. How can I reverse the curse I placed on myself not to ever call them my parents? I don’t want to die. What do I do? How can I and my bastards forgive her? Erinayo. Dear Erinayo, Under the laws of our land, there are no bastards. Besides, your children have a father who has not denied their paternity. So the issue of you and your bastards forgiving her doesn’t arise at all. Your children are legitimate and must be taught by you to forgive their grandmother or anyone who offends them. This is the principle of God. Nothing will happen to you because God Himself ordained this moment. He is a God of mercy and allows certain major occurrences in our lives, for us to appreciate Him the more. What you should do is to forgive your parents. God simply wants you to understand His person and reasons for your creation better. Placing a curse on yourself was needless; something you did in ignorance because you were never in charge of your life in the first place. God whose plan your life is knew where the pendulum would swing even before it started undulating. Your parents thought they knew it all; had everything wrapped up in their blinded determination to play god in your life. They didn’t factor in God’s plans at all in their reactions and treatment of you. Perhaps your sister would still have been alive if they hadn’t pushed her to marry the wrong man. Had you agreed to their plans, you won’t be alive today and certainly not in a position to be begged by anybody. That you are alive, doing well and being begged by the same people who didn’t want to have anything to do with you, are enough reasons for you to forgive them. The woman that helped you didn’t have. She could easily have fallen into the trap of being judgmental like all those who didn’t bother to look for you. I am sure if you had the kind of support you got from her initially, you wouldn’t have had the need to go to your parents for money to care for your child. The God that is sending your mother back to you to beg for forgiveness; sent this woman to assist you and your children to be alive and stable. God wanted to teach your parents the lesson of humility and patience to those around them. If they could treat you in such a despicable manner it goes without saying that they must be very harsh and uncompromising in their dealings with people around them. They too must have learnt one or two things from all these. Furthermore, they are your parents irrespective of what they did to you. If she dies before you are able to forgive her, will you be able to forgive yourself? How will that woman whose shoulders carried you when the whole world turned its back against you; judge you? Anybody who pays evil with evil is equally guilty of the same offence the other person is being accused of. The curse you placed on yourself can be reversed by you. God knows you said it out of pains and is willing to erase it from his records but what He won’t ever forget is for you to disrespect your parents. Don’t forget His instruction that we honour our father and mother so that our days on earth will be long. More than ever before, your mother needs you. You are all she has left having lost a daughter and her home to another woman. You and your children are now her only candle. Bring her to your house; teach her what true love is; allow her grandchildren become her balm of recovery. She needs a reason to live again and to be happy. No mother prays to experience the death of a child. Being a mother you should understand her pains and agony. Even if she didn’t come to you, your duty to her now is to look after her. As for your father, go and hear him out. This isn’t the time for you to play the victim but to be the rally point of strength for the family. Your father and mother are hurting deeply and no matter how many children your father has, you will still be his daughter. This is the time to get your father to talk about his marriage to your mother, his disappointment as well as the way forward for all of you. it is also the time to get your mother to have another look at her life with a view of drawing close to God. It is the only way to justify the goodness of God in your life as well as show appreciation for all the love your parents’ neighbour showed you. Good luck.