How do I present myself to her?

With Agatha Edo, Email:womaneditor@independentngonline.com,gataedo@yahoo.com or agatha.edo@gmail.com Dear Agatha, I graduated with second class upper in psychology but since I couldn’t get a job five years after, I decided to make do with whatever kind of job came my way. That was how I became a security man to this successful business man. I didn’t bother to inform him about my qualifications since I was scared it might act as a barrier to my being employed. Beyond the usual greeting permitted by my position, I kept my distance from the man and his family members. EveTn if I wanted to be familiar with them, his wife and children were very snobbish except for the set of twins among them. These two, a boy and girl were just like their father, very respectful and caring. They would stop to greet me and gist. Their father too never ceased to ask after my welfare or those of my family members. Once when my mother took ill, he not only gave me money but excused me from my duty post for a week to attend to her. Through our discussion, the twins discovered I was a graduate. Infact, I became their friends as I helped them with their assignments since they were also reading my course. Their mother was hardly around so didn’t notice our closeness. Some how, the girl among the twins and I fell in love. None of us could explain how it all happened but we found ourselves consumed by our feelings for each other. Being in her final year, we decided we should keep it to ourselves because we knew what her mother and elder sisters would say. Naturally, her twin got to find out. He gave us his support but warned of his mother reactions if she gets to find out. We were able to conceal it, or so we thought. My boss’wife got to know and one afternoon, came to my post, slapped me, threatened to call in the Police if I didn’t leave her daughter and house alone. That was how I was sacked. Fortunately, I had enough savings and with the support of her daughter and son, I was able to begin my business. All these happened 18 months ago and now she is pregnant. I have kept procrastinating the day, I would go back to that house to meet the woman that almost killed me for dating her daughter. How would she react when she discovers that I am still dating her daughter and that she is pregnant for me? Will she ever give me her blessing to marry her daughter; me who in her opinion is a common gateman and a nobody? Please help me, teach me what to say and how to handle this woman, her words are law in that house. Paul. Dear Paul, It doesn’t matter anymore if her words are law in that house. You no longer work for her and, you are not going to her as a beggar. Let her say whatever she has to say, learn to control your temper as a man. Go there as a man sure of himself. Remember you are no longer who she knew you as or thought you were. What you need is confidence in yourself and in your achievements since you left them. Most of the time, we are treated or received the way we present ourselves. The moment she suspects you to be afraid of her, she will continue to treat you as being a nobody and, inferior to have her daughter as a wife. The only business you have with her is the fact that she is the mother of the woman you intend spending the rest of your life with and for that simple fact, deserves your respect. Beyond that, make it clear to her through your body language that you are not the same man she maltreated some months ago. Besides, she isn’t the one you are going to meet; you are going to meet the girl’s father to inform him of your intention to marry his daughter. Eighteen months ago, you were his employee and now, you are now a young successful business man. God has vindicated you. This is the time to let them know that even while you worked for them as a security man, you were already a graduate of five years. However, it would be best she prepares her father first because he too may feel offended by what he would perceive as an effrontery on your part. Before going to his house, ask your girlfriend and her brother to accompany you to his office. Go with your certificate and prove of your business success. Ordinarily, you don’t have to go this far but given the circumstances you met and the way you left, you need to take these measures to win him over. He may not be as obvious as his wife but, deep down the desire of every father is to marry his daughter into some measure of comfort especially as the daughter in question is used to a certain level of ease. No matter how good natured he is, he won’t readily support your involvement with his daughter in the image he has of you. And the moment he joins his wife in mounting opposition against your relationship with their daughter, irrespective of whether or not she is pregnant, it might not be so easy to get him to listen objectively to whatever you have to say. If you don’t first see him outside the company of his wife, he would think you are an opportunist. Confide in him about your past struggle to get a good job before you were forced to take on the job of security man in his house. If he is as humble as you say, he would appreciate your kind of person, your determination to succeed at all cost. He would value you as the right man to marry his daughter. By the time you meet with the entire family, a lot of rough edges would have been ironed out. As long as you made it without any kind of support from him or his wife, they would have no reason to think you are after their wealth. Just learn to be respectful to them, irrespective of whatever the reaction of other members of the family is to you. The important thing is the love and support of your wife and her twin brother. Good luck.