He forbids me near my stepchildren

With Auntie Agatha, gataedo@yahoo.com, agatha.edo@gmail.com, Tel: 08054500626 Dear Agatha, My marriage is 14 years old. My husband had been married to two other women before I met and married him. I didn’t meet any of these women in his house. According to the stories I heard, he didn’t actually marry any of these women. They were just his live-in lovers who had children for him. Even during our early days, beyond telling me about his children from these two women, he didn’t answer any question I asked about them. But he warned me on the night of our wedding day never to get myself involved in any fetish thing because that would end our marriage. He also warned me never to allow the children or their mothers into his home or near me. As time went on, I tried to reconcile him with the children at least. Again he warned me to allow sleeping dogs be. One day, the house-help mistakenly admitted one of the children in and that marked the end of her job and me, the beating of my life. After that incident, I stayed away from any matter that would bring about any problem between us. But of recent, I have reasons to wonder if I am doing the right thing. At least as his wife, I have the right to know what the issues are because should anything happen to him; I will be blamed by the family. Sometime last year, his eldest daughter had a terrible accident that has kept her at the hospital since then. At first I didn’t know but when I eventually found out from his sister, I pressured her to take me to the hospital. She delayed until my husband traveled to Abuja for an official assignment before taking me to visit my stepdaughter. I was shocked at her state and made up my mind to ask my husband to fly her abroad. Unfortunately, I had an accident on my way from the hospital. Fortunately, I wasn’t injured but that brought to the open all the issues he has been sweeping under the carpet. After tongue lashing me for defying his orders, he told me about the incidents that made him drive away the women from his life. According to him, the first and second wives belonged to a cult that wanted to kill him. They tried and when they couldn’t get him, they killed his third wife during labour. The woman died with her child prompting him to seek spiritual help from a deliverance pastor. After deliverance, he was warned by the pastor never to allow any of the women and children come into his house and that whosoever he marries should keep her distance from them all. He said my disobedience almost cost him my life because they wanted to use me to buy back the life of his ailing daughter. I honestly would have dismissed him but in recent times I have been having some terrible dreams concerning me and my first daughter. In the dream, some forces would be trying to pull my first daughter and I away from the grips of my husband. My elder brother, a pastor recently called to warn me to be careful as well as to be very prayerful. I am scared and don’t know if I should tell my husband about all these. I fear his temper more than anything else. He can be very unpredictable. Please help me. Worried Woman. Dear Worried Woman, Which do you think would be more terrible for him? You and your daughter dying; or telling him about the dreams? No matter how terrible his temper is, he has the right to know the spiritual battle that is brewing in his family. Besides, you need him to stand in gap for you and your daughter. That dream is self explanatory. Your husband has the ability to withstand the forces from getting to you and your child. One way he can defeat the enemy is to be on his knees in prayers. If he isn’t aware of what is going on, how can he be of help to you? Besides, fear is a weapon the enemy uses effectively to cripple a victim from seeking the assistance of God in this kind of situation. From your dreams, God has equipped your husband to be your protector so why run away from him? It is not your fault that they are waging war against you. There was no way you could have known what the matters were since he didn’t tell you. In addition, you did what every reasonable woman would have done in similar situation. Whatever the father feels or says, the lady on that hospital bed is his daughter. Even if one’s enemy is involved in such a grave accident, sympathy must be expressed. This girl’s condition warranted your visit her at the hospital. You did right which is why the evil meant for you didn’t happen. God is a jealous God who watches over His own with everything that makes Him God. What you need in your marriage and life is the Spirit of God to make you bold. There is nothing anyone can do to you as long as you are confident in the ways of God. After telling your husband about your dream, both of you should cultivate the habit of praying together as a couple. Praying as a couple, builds a wedge of fire around the family. Once you and your husband agree on anything, it will come to pass. There is also the need for your husband to come clean with everything in his past life. This battle won’t end just like that. You must know the powers you are up against as well as the reasons he is having problems with them. What kinds of things did he get into in his past or did he do to these women to make them join forces against him? He has to learn to trust you with details of his past since you have been dragged against your wish into the mess of his past. The fact that the war is spreading to your children makes it imperative for you to stand your ground on having the full details. Let him know he isn’t protecting you by asking you not to allow them into your home or come into contact with any of them. Whether he likes it or not, all of you will come into contact someday. Adults can avoid each other but children can’t. This is why your husband has to find ways of settling the matter before it is too late. Two innocent lives have gone over this matter why risk more? In addition to asking for the assistance of your brother in this matter, ask your brother how he can be of help to your family. You must also go on your knees to seek the face of God to intervene in every area of your family life. Being a pastor, it will be easier for him to do. In the interim, don’t relent on your oars at all. Make sure you are not far from your knees praying endlessly for your family. There is also the need to let some of your in-laws into what is happening in your home because this matter is clearly beyond you. It is far more complex than you alone can handle. Also, you have to exonerate yourself from the decisions of your husband to protect your children later in life. The reason being, his line of action will at the end of the day produce more bad blood between you and the others. People who are unaware of the orders he gave you will wonder and generally accuse you of monopolizing him to the exclusion of his other children. God forbid, anything happens to him, you will not find it easy at all. So, use this opportunity created by the accident to tackle this problem once and for all. One thing you should make clear to him is that those children are part of him; the house he refused them entry today, will be opened to them when he dies. So, wisdom demands he tackles all primary and secondary problems associated with his relationships with their mothers. The children are innocent parties to whatever atrocity their mothers committed. They will never understand why your children are enjoying the attention of their father while they are made to starve for his affection. Since he can get close to them, encourage him to arrange a meeting of all of them to explain the reasons behind his actions. With the way he is going about it, he is unknowingly laying a very bad foundation, one that will not augur well for all of you. Ask God to show you how to handle this challenge once and for all. Good luck