With Agatha Edo Email: womaneditor@independentngonline.com , gataedo@yahoo.com or agatha.edo@gmail.com,08054500626 Dear Agatha, I am in big trouble; one I am not sure how I and my twin sons will ever get out of. Five years ago, out of desperation and greed, I married a man my father disliked and described as a man of questionable character. I ignored my parents and proceeded to get pregnant for him. He was swimming in money so I really didn’t care about what my parents, my father in particular, said. Even when I announced my pregnancy to my father as reasons for him to allow me get married, he refused. He told me he would allow me put to bed in his house; that it was a minor sacrifice to pay than me marrying this man. I ignored my father and went ahead to get married to him legally at the registry. I got someone to represent my parents. At 35, I didn’t really need their consent to marry. Immediately after the marriage ceremony, I noticed some strange things about him. First, he didn’t approve of sharing the same room. He insisted on me keeping my room; his excuse, I would cramp his style. Another thing is the frequency with which he goes out at night for one business appointment or the other. When he has to go for these kinds of assignments, he stays completely away from me; wouldn’t even allow me cook his food let alone touch him. I was curious but something about his attitude and behaviour made me less suspicious. However, he recently took ill; as a matter of fact, he collapsed and I had to rush him to the hospital. Since he was unconscious, and the doctor needed money, I took the key to his room to find out if he had money. What I saw was beyond me. Right inside his wardrobe, I saw a calabash with fetish ornaments and a padlock inside it. Further search revealed different kinds of guns with red cloths and cowries tied to them. Also in his room, I found a bag containing a lot of money. I didn’t bother to take the money or anything from the room. I immediately left the room, took the key back to the hospital. I had to look for money elsewhere. Fortunately, he woke up shortly after I got to the hospital and demanded that he should be taken away from the hospital. He called two of his closest friends, who according to him, would take him to their church for prayers. As always, he told me not to bother; that I should stay behind to look after our twin sons. He is better now, but I am now very scared of him. There is no doubt that my husband is an armed robber. But who do I tell? What can I do? Can I divorce him? I cannot go to the Police because I happen to know he is highly connected in the Police Force. I am so confused. He is beginning to question me about my behaviour as I seldom allow him come near me and the children. Twice he has asked me if I entered his room while he was unconscious, I lied about not having the key to his room, hence the question of me entering the room doesn’t even arise. Please, Agatha, I respect you so much. What can I do without incurring his wrath and putting the lives of my entire family members at risk? This guy is mean and capable of hurting me and my family members. Worried Wife. Dear Worried Wife, First things first, you need the wisdom of God to untangle yourself from this whole mess. Pray and be very calm else you risk making another huge mistake. While you calculate your options, continue to behave as if nothing is wrong. Criminals are the most intelligent people around. He must have guessed from your attitude towards him that you have unveiled his secrets and only bidding time to expose him. But because you are his wife, the mother of his sons in addition to lack of evidence to nail you, he is keeping calm but also watching you closely. He may also have recruited one or two persons to trail your movement which makes any stupid move on your part very dangerous. What simply has changed is that you now have evidence of his profession; beyond that he remains your husband; the same person you have slept, romanced, ate and played with. You must continue to function in all these roles until such a time that you can take your leave of him. To deny him these rights is to further fuel his suspicion. Besides, if you are truthful to yourself, you knew from your account that something was not right about the man you married the moment he denied you free access into his room. When a man ignores your food at a certain time, doesn’t allow you near him also at that particular time, shouldn’t that have alerted you to something sinister about him? Shouldn’t you have known that it was not a normal behaviour for a man to refuse food and sex simply because he has a business assignment? Didn’t you wonder or ask what kind of business assignment would prevent a man from sleeping with his wife or eating her food? And when these kinds of assignments became a regular feature with him, did you for once demand to know or find out what nature of business he was into? The issue here is long past regrets. You cannot turn back the hands of the clock; meaning you have to continue to endure this situation. The less you talk about it, the better for you. Mop up as much money as you can from him. Give yourself a target to leave him. To stay more than necessary is to endanger your life and those of your children. Be careful, this is not the time for you to play smart. With this money, you can buy your freedom from the bondage your greed and disobedience of your father’s warning put you into. This is because in the eyes of law, you are his wife; you could easily be accused of trying to blackmail him by the same people within the Police who have been protecting him. The so-called guns could easily be removed from the house, leaving you without evidence to back up your claims. Be reminded that there is no law in this country that prohibits keeping of charms in the house. He could easily claim the pot of charm you saw is for protection, including yours as well. You will only look stupid at the end of the day. The only thing you would have achieved by this is to further put yourself in a more deadly position. Therefore perish this thought. Divorce is not also an option. On what grounds would you be divorcing him? Instead of considering this option, why not instead become more loving to distract him? Your chances of escaping with the children will only be enhanced if he lets down his guard around you. To take him off your trail, tell him you have been worried about his health hence your seeming withdrawal from him. Make your move only when sure he has eased up. Make sure you don’t stay in this country. Go as far away from him as possible. But if you are in Lagos, please come to our head office so you and I can talk. There are certain things I cannot say here. But in the meantime, continue to pray for him, you and the children. Your family really needs the intervention of God to make right all that is wrong in your home. Good luck.

With Agatha Edo Email: womaneditor@independentngonline.com , gataedo@yahoo.com or agatha.edo@gmail.com,08054500626 Dear Agatha, I am a young girl of 17. I stay with my younger sister and brother and our stepmother, who is very cruel to us. My father is never ever around because he works with an oil firm. As far as my father is concerned, he provides us with more than enough. The few days to his arrival at home, my stepmother is the picture of an angel. Telling him all that she puts me through would amount to destroying the house. I simply don’t have the kind of heart to do that to him. Once my father is away, my stepmother does all kinds of things, including bringing her man-friend into the house. Severally, she has hit me for daring to challenge her and has vowed to make life very uncomfortable for us if we dare tell our father what goes on behind him. From her utterances, she doesn’t like our father even though he loves her. Her only interest in our father is the money she gets. She is yet to have a child by him. About three months ago, she brought her boyfriend to stay with us. She is 27. She told our father that the young man is her cousin and even got her younger brother to testify to her lie. About three weeks ago, whenever she is not around, he tries to touch me. I have done my best to keep him off me; even threatened to tell my father. But I am worried that if he is unable to force himself on me, he could harm my younger sister. My brother and I have decided to tell our father’s brother, who is very caring and comes round to see us, about what is really happening. We thought he would be in the best position to tell our father about it, but we were confused on how to introduce the topic to our uncle. Our mother died six years ago. Rolade. Dear Rolade, The earlier you tell your uncle, the best for you all. The longer you and your siblings delay in telling either your father or your uncle about what is going on in your home, the greater the danger of your being abused sexually. Your father will blame you for not saying anything while all these were going on. Don’t stop at telling your uncle about the sexual threat you are facing, let him know that this boy isn’t in anyway related to your stepmother; that he is actually her boyfriend and not the brother she parades him as. Insist, you and your siblings no longer feel safe staying with your stepmother who is quite capable of harming you all if she thinks she is losing out on your father’s love. In the interim, until your father makes up his mind on what to do about his wife, you and your siblings would like to stay with your uncle or move into a boarding school. At least, it will put a distance between you and your stepmother as well as her boyfriend. Frankly, keeping quiet about everything happening behind your father is like giving your stepmother the support to cheat on your father and kill him when she makes up her mind on how to get his property. Being the eldest of your siblings, your younger ones are looking up to you to do the right thing for them. Whether you realise it or not, you are not only failing your father but your siblings as well who would definitely be most affected if anything happens to your father. They will never forgive you for being such a weak sister if your stepmother succeeds in eliminating your father. Your stepmother has the boldness to do as she likes because she knows you are too weak to challenge her or say anything to your father. Your age not withstanding, she wouldn’t have dared if she knew you to be a no-nonsense young lady. Whose interest are you really serving by keeping quiet: Your father’s, your stepmother’s or yours? Telling your father about the nature of this woman he calls wife is the only way you can help him come to a realisation of what is more important to him in life. And if that means ending his marriage to this woman, so be it. Have you considered the damage to you or your sister if her boyfriend succeeds in raping you? Nothing in your life or home will ever be the same. It is best for your father to experience another disappointment in his relationship than to have any of you, his children humiliated. Informing him directly or through your uncle is the only way he can offer you the protection you all deserve at your tender ages. Life isn’t structured by God to be sweet always. It is a mixture of bitterness and sweetness; this is a fact your father knows. Whatever disappointment you are protecting him from, would heal with time. He doesn’t need you to play mother hen to him; what he wants is for you to be his daughter, ask for his protection and love. Call that uncle of yours immediately. And please, do call me. If you want me to help inform your uncle and father, I will gladly do it. Good luck.