She flares at my closeness with female friends

With Auntie Agatha,gataedo@yahoo.com, agatha.edo@gmail.com,Tel: 08054500626


Dear Agatha,

I have a girlfriend who is excessively jealous. Her jealousy is so profound that she instantly imagines unfaithfulness on my part when I do as much as exchange greetings with any of my female colleagues. My problem now is how to make her develop confidence in me. She practically hits the roof if an unknown person calls me and goes to the ridiculous extent of calling the person to ask about the identity of the caller.

How do I get to discuss the problem I am having with her as well plans for her? Please help me.

Anyisteve.





Dear Anyisteve,

Begin by finding out the real reason behind her insecurity. Most often than not, jealous feelings take root from past experiences. What were hers? It is important she talks about her past or why she thinks you are cheating on her.

Again her insecurity may come from her own personal assessment of herself. Again this has root in a past experience, may be an unkind remark by an ill-mannered person or an unbalanced upbringing.

If her jealousy has to do with a misplaced trust in her former relationship, in addition to making it clear that you and whosoever hurt her are different persons, tell her all over again why you want to be with her. Look for all the wonderful qualities she has to underscore your need of her in your life.

But be careful you don’t get carried away to the point of promising her unachievable things. Stick to reality. She either learns to accept you for who you are or give in to the powers of her past to deny her a good place in the future.

This is one issue you cannot afford to treat with levity because it has the ability to consume you both later in future. It would get to a point, her consuming jealousy would make it impossible for you to relate with all the females, including your colleagues, friends, cousins or childhood friends you knew before you met her.

Once it gets to this stage, it would rob you not only of your freedom of expression but also inhibits you from having a relationship with even your friends all of whom would also be fingered by her of trying to get you hooked with other women.

This is one emotion that cripples relationship as well as a huge threat to the peaceful and harmonious relationship with every other person.

Can you cope knowing that each time you open your mouth to speak or show concern to another woman, hell awaits you at home?
This is the reason you must do everything to make her understand that she must begin to see things from your perspective, must learn to bury whatever wrong or imbalances she suffered in the past.

If her problem has to do with her past, the attitude of her parents, you must make her understand that she is now her own person and able to change whatever tradition her parents have entrenched. If this is the case, you must strive to give her the confidence she lost by constantly reminding her that she is special, comes with God given gifts nobody can duplicate or can equal. You have to help her build her confidence from the very beginning starting from her physical beauty. Every woman likes to think she is very beautiful. Compliment her on her looks, paying particular attention to her special feature; your endless compliments coupled with the sincerity, which you say would convince her of your love as well as give her confidence to cope with your other relationships.

Whatever may be the reason for her insecurity, it has to be addressed with both boldness and sincerity.

Good luck.