Can’t found her, now that I know she’s nice indeed

With Auntie Agatha,gataedo@yahoo.com, agatha.edo@gmail.com,Tel: 08054500626

Dear Agatha,

Please I need your help. My ex-girlfriend whom I thought was wrong for me turns out to be the right one for me.

Years ago, I left her because of her very nasty and unreasonable temperament. But after all my experiences, I have discovered that despite her fault, she still has the best conduct and character.

We lost contact many years ago. Her number I have seems no longer to be in use. A friend of mine, who recently saw her, six months ago, misplaced the number and address she gave him.

I am desperate to reach her. I don’t know where to search for her. I am really confused. What should I do?

Taror.



Dear Taror,

Acknowledging that she has qualities others don’t have is the first step.

This acknowledgment would give you the necessary drive to make you go the extra mile in your search for her. It has also eclipsed whatever doubts you have about your ability to manage her temper as well as other challenges that might come your way as a couple.

Your past experience has also made it possible for you to be very objective in your thinking and choices.

What you should do now is to begin your search from the very last place you both parted. She isn’t a needle or ghost that would vanish with her roots. Someone, somewhere must know something about her and her current address. How and where did you meet?

When you were dating, what friends do you have in common? Who were her very close friends and among your circle of friends, who was she closest to? Where did your friend run into her? If he doesn’t remember her precise address, she must have given an information that would lead to her whereabouts.

Go back to places and people she visited. Depending on how you treated her, you may not get the red carpet treatment from friends and family members that still have one or two things against you over the way you dumped her. If this is the case, be prepared to be patient, to continue to give them every assurance that this time around you are for real and know the value of this woman your heart yearns for.

If you allow yourself to be discouraged or get angry with some of the things they may say to you, you may never be able to meet her.

And if they have moved from their previous address, it can’t be so long ago that people in the area where she once lived won’t know anything about her or her family. Go there and ask questions about her in the neighbourhood.

Look for phone numbers of persons likely to have her contact. Plead with them to give you her number. Explain to them your new feelings for her as well as your desire to have her to yourself now.

Make sure you drop the hint of your regrets and belated realisation that she is the best thing that has happened to you in a long while.

She may have asked your friend not to give you her number because of the way you treated her. So go back to that friend to explain your new feelings for this woman. Tell this friend and your other friends all about your dreams of having her back in your life. Don’t be shy to let them know about your desperation and determination to have her in your life.

Being able to convince your friends to queue behind you means you won’t be the only one searching for her. Several others, who believe in your love for her would at the end of the day also join you in your search, thereby helping to widen the scope of your search and brightening your prospect of finding her.

And when you finally see her, don’t frighten her off by coming too strong. Don’t forget she may be in a relationship with a man she may have come to love and respect for being able to tolerate the defect you were not ready to put up with. If in a very serious relationship it might not be very easy getting her to jettison certainty for uncertainty.

So you must begin by being her friend first. She has to be convinced through your behaviour that you would not lead her on and abandon her to her fate again. Don’t forget she must have been hurt by the way you treated her in the past and may not show too much enthusiasm for having you back in her life even if she isn’t dating anybody.

Yes, your relationship stands to benefit tremendously from the experiences of the past, but she must be given enough time to properly weigh her options like you. Don’t forget there are certain things about your behaviour too that was bringing all the tempers. She has to be convinced too that just like you she would be able to cope with them as best as you have made up your mind to do with her own shortcomings.

The extreme is for you to take a shortcut to her. The idea is to take advantage of popular romantic programmes on radio, television or newspapers to reach her. Desperate situation requires desperate solutions. The extent of your need for her would determine how far you are prepared to go to get your message across.

This is your life so don’t waste too much time because this is what you don’t have in abundance. Being a woman, she may be at the point of taking an all-important decision, one she may be taking with some regrets and secret tears in her heart.

Your call or presence may be what would make the most difference in her life as well as yours.

By also praying and asking God to intervene on your behalf is another way of preventing her from saying yes to another man before you get to her. Tell God to help you keep her if she is the right woman for you.

But if by the time you get to her, she belongs exclusively to another man, just know that your realisation of other qualities is meant to help you focus deeper on those essentials you need in a woman. No experience happens without a lesson.

Good luck.