My husband sleeps with my cousin, impregnates another woman

With Agatha Edo, Email: womaneditor@independentngonline.com , gataedo@yahoo.com or agatha.edo@gmail.com, 08054500626 Dear Agatha, I am currently a very confused woman; everybody is blaming me for this problem but I am like the average woman who has a career. There is no way I can always be at home. I go out to work not because I want to but I have to, to make ends meet. Besides it would be unfair to expect me to sit at home after the resources my parents spent on sending me to school. The least my husband can do is to respect me for that and give me all the support; not to be disgraced the way he is. Recently, I came back from a six weeks course abroad to discover that my husband has been sleeping with my cousin, I brought in to help with the children and another lady who is currently pregnant for him. I discovered that my husband has been sleeping through my four year old son, who told me the night I came back if his auntie was going to sleep in my bedroom with his daddy. At first I didn’t make sense of the question until I asked him to explain. Despite attempts by my cousin to hush him up, he told me that whenever he goes to pee in the night, he always see my cousin and his daddy sleeping together on the bed. The other children confirmed the incident because at various times in the night when they needed something, they have traced my cousin to my room. I was still struggling to come to terms with this information when my husband’s phone beeped. He must have forgotten to take the phone out with him when he left with a family friend to rush his sick mother to the hospital. I honestly didn’t mean to pry but the hurt of finding out about my cousin as well as the urge to find out who the text message was from made me to open his message box. I wish I didn’t because I found out that another woman is carrying his baby. The sender of the mail was asking him for more money to shop for baby items. That night, I didn’t bother to sleep in the house with my children. I checked into an hotel not far from our home and switched off all my phones so that he couldn’t get me or the children. When he left home, I went home to pack few things for my children and I. I have since refused to talk to him or anyone else. I don’t ever want to see him, my cousin or any one in our two families. My office obliged me, with my annual leave, to rest and take care of personal things but, soon my leave will be over. I have the option of asking for a transfer to another state or leaving the country completely. I am yet to make up my mind. I don’t ever want to see him again just as I have made up my mind to end the marriage. But my eldest daughter who is just 11 wants to go with her father. She is giving so much trouble and is in touch with her father. Her siblings say their father has been to their school to see them and that she tells him everything about us. Because of her, I now stay in a nice lodge with no visible address. What do I do since I foresee problem with my eldest daughter. I also gathered that my cousin is still in the house with him. Hurting Wife. Dear Hurting Wife, Don’t behave like a foolish ostrich who hides its head in the sand while the rest of its body is in view of the pursuer. That man in question, inspite of all he has done, is your home and that house your home. You have the final decision of what goes on in that house, who stays and who leaves. Your position in that house is not in dispute. Leaving without an attempt to retrieve your home from these manipulative women in the life of your husband gives the impression that you were only waiting for an excuse to end your marriage. Sad and emotionally traumatic as the situation in your home is, don’t give up so easily. Whatever your decision is at the end of it all, ensure none of these women takes over your man. Your cousin should be thrown out while the one pregnant should not be given any chance to come in as a second wife. Let her have her baby and when the child is old enough, bring the child into the house to frustrate her attempts at using the child as a bait for your husband’s attention. Irrespective of who so ever is pregnant for him, your position as his wife and the mother of his first set of children gives you unrivaled authority to decide what you want now. You simply cannot walk away from your marriage just like that. Even if you make up your mind to leave, what about the children who cannot divorce their father as easily as you can end your relationship with your husband? There is no avoiding discussing this issue whether now or later. Your histories are interwoven into each other by the gifts of those children you both share. Your cousin has remained in that house because you are not there to show her the exit door. Since you appear to have capitulated your home so easily, she has taken over. Whatever it will cost you in pride and pains, go back to your home at least for the sake of the children. Make it your business to confront your man with what you discovered. Give him the opportunity to defend himself. It is immaterial if he is telling you the truth or not; the important thing is for you to know what your mistakes were in the marriage. While time heals the pains, the truth sets one free as well as point one at the right path. You also have to consider the feelings of your children. If your eldest daughter is asking for her father; the others will soon follow her example. They may in their own way decide to make life very unbearable for you. so it is essential that you factor their feelings and interest into your decision. It is only when you deal with all the extraneous issues that you can deal with the matter of his betrayal. He has to explain why he decided your cousin was the best woman to have a relationship with or allow another woman get as far as getting pregnant for him. However, you must also accept your mistakes. Being a career woman isn’t an excuse for any woman to neglect her home or become very careless on the care and welfare of her husband and children. Although you didn’t dwell much on the time you spend with your family, something tells me that in some important ways, you too are not without blame. Your first office and career is to your home and children. No doubt, women can multi-task, but in the matter of home management and playing detailed attention to the needs of her man, a wise woman devotes more time. Let the family wade into it for the simple reason of your cousin’s involvement in an affair with your husband. Only the might of the family can deal with such a determined young lady. Besides, the decision you are about to make now is too important to be left to chance. One day, when you are a bit older and time has mellowed your pains, you will appreciate the wisdom of sorting things out properly. God is your wisdom and strength. You need Him now more than ever before. Good luck