My mother is kicking against my happiness

Agatha, gataedo@yahoo.com, agatha.edo@gmail.com, Tel: 08054500626 Dear Agatha, Please help me find a solution to my problem. I am 34 years of age. Three years ago, I lost my fiancé to a terrible accident along Ilorin-Abuja road. It was a very terrible time for me because I was three months pregnant at the time of the accident and my wedding five days away. I lost the pregnancy and a will to live. But as God would have it, I bounced back to life two years ago when I met my present boyfriend. He took away all my pains and sorrows. He gave me back my life. Again, I am pregnant for him; actually four months and his people are ready to pay my bride price. This time it isn’t an accident that is trying to rob me of my happiness. Rather it is my mother who is kicking against my happiness. First she says, she won’t allow my boyfriend pay my bride price and that she won’t allow me marry him. According to her, she doesn’t like his family, especially his mother in addition to not liking the appearance of my boyfriend. My father died last year so there is nobody to check the excesses of my mother. My elder sister cannot talk to her because she isn’t married. Each time she tries to talk to my mother about the issue, she ends up being insulted by our mother. None of my uncles and aunties is willing to get involved in this matter because of my mother’s sharp tongue. I would have gone ahead with my decision to marry my boyfriend irrespective of my mother’s position but she placed a curse on me that any attempt by me to ignore her feelings would result in death for me at child birth. She is insisting I terminate the pregnancy to give her the opportunity of looking for a suitable husband for me. I decided to run to you for assistance after the pastor I went to for help said, my mother is behind all my problems; that she swore before her fellow initiates that my elder sister and I would never marry because of the way my father treated her in their early years of marriage. According to my pastor, my mother has never been able to forgive my sister and I for taking after our father’s mother in looks. She also cannot forgive our father for always being on the side of his mother against her. As far as I can remember, my mother has always hated my elder sister and I prompting both of us to ask our father when we were children if she was really our mother. Agatha, I am desirous of your help because all the places I went to say I won’t get another man to marry me if I allow my present boyfriend go; that he was sent to me to take away my pains and sorrow. I am helpless. Please help me because she is making life unbearable for me. My boyfriend is also threatening to make trouble if I do anything to harm his unborn child. He says, he hasn’t denied being responsible for my pregnancy so I don’t have any reason to terminate it. The pressures are becoming too much for me. Henrietta Dear Henrietta, There is nothing or no human being as powerful as God. The God that brought this man into your life will give him the wisdom and determination to stand by you. Difficult as the situation you are in is, learn to trust God. Don’t fret because your life is in His hands. Parents are simply custodians, not the real parents of the children they helped to bring into this world. This is why He doesn’t give any of us the chance to choose our families or the homes we are born into. If it were possible, many of us won’t come through the parents we came through or our homes and families. God who knows our beginning and end, who created us all for a purpose has the prerogative of this choice and His reasons are only known to Him. Surely, He made you for a purpose, which you must achieve before you die. That child you are carrying inside of you also has a reason for coming into this world. Therefore you don’t have the right to terminate that child since you are only a custodian. God could have decided to use another woman as a channel to bring that child into this world; he decided on you for a reason best known to Him. To end that child’s journey on account of your mother’s desires would be provoking God’s anger. Would you rather please your mother and offend the God that created you both; destroy an innocent life to avoid your mother’s unjust anger against you and your sister? What you need now is the confidence and assurance that He is up there and in charge of your affairs. He has the power to ridicule the mighty and elevate the weak. Once you have absolute faith in Him, nothing is impossible for Him to do. If He can change the story of Jabez, who was cursed by his mother at birth, there is nothing He cannot do. As for your mother, continue to respect her because she is the vehicle God used in bringing you into the world. For this reason, she deserves your respect any day. Perform all your duties to her as a child to her. Forget whatever anybody says about her; as long as she didn’t kill you when you were a child, she cannot kill you now. Once you play your part as a good and responsible child to her; accord her every respect she deserves as your mother, you would have conquered whatever negative plans she has against you. But if you allow what your pastor told you to influence your judgment, decision and attitude towards your mother, you may unwittingly damage a situation good wisdom and friendly disposition on your side will remedy. If it is true she placed a curse on you, cry to God. Once you are convinced of His presence in your life, it is only what He permits in your life that will happen. It isn’t normal for a woman to die at childbirth. Remind Him of his covenant of life. There are a lot of women who have faced your kind of challenge but who are today mothers and alive because of the pact they entered into with God. Rather than worry and allow it to bother you, cry to God to put a smile in your life and heart. Losing one man to an accident and about to lose another one to your mother’s position cannot be His plans for you. Therefore enter into a strong relationship with God. Though trials will always come but none will defeat you because He will fight for you. Therefore, surrender completely to Him through prayers and conviction that He is your all in all. No matter how much of a monster you think your mother is, go and beg her. In the history of both of you, even if it is for a second, you must have shared some moments of happiness; this is what you should anchor your plea on when you go and beg your mother for forgiveness. Go to her at the middle of the night after praying to God for divine favour to beg for forgiveness for any real or imagined pains you must have caused her. Go with the kind of gift you know she likes. This is both a spiritual and physical battle. You have to fight it on all two fronts for complete victory. Don’t get up until she tells you the reason for her attitude towards you. To get her to talk, begin by making references to all the memories of your childhood, especially the ones that have to do with your grandmother and how you wished you could have been of help to her then. The idea here is to get her to talk. Often than not, most people operate on the principle of my enemy must be your enemy. If she thinks you are aligned with her against your grandmother, a lot of things will change about her attitude towards you. The important thing is to remove obstacles from your way. Once you are able to get her to talk, half of the battle is won. Cry, beg, cajole do whatever it will take for her to tell you why she hates you so much. Also ensure she prays for you. As for your man, continue to plead for his understanding and support. Assure him you will not touch the baby because it represents the love you both share. Also solicit for his help in winning this battle by telling him of your mother’s position. At 34, you are no longer a child so you need to be more assertive about the things that have to do with your life. Good luck.